There is a woman that my husband knows from a local business that we frequent. We would chat with her while we were there to eat.
I wouldn't call her a close friend since I don't know a lot about her. She has been to our house a few times (she came out to our house when she had had a little too much to drink). She is a single woman, never married, with 1 grown child. She and my husband talk on the phone. I don't feel that there is anything going on between them, but I find it weird that my husband calls her. And it seems that they talk to each other when I'm not around and vice versa. She's not a person that he would normally befriend. She used to call him and talk to him about her problems, and he told me how sad she sounded. She told me once that she feels more comfortable talking to men as opposed to women. But why does it have to be my husband? I've prayed about it and tried to get past it, but every time I hear of another phone call, it makes my blood pressure go up a few notches.
Do I have a reason to be suspicious or is it just jealousy rearing its ugly head? My husband says nothing is going on and nothing ever would — I'm sure he thinks I'm silly. Please provide your insight.
Some men have this thing of rescuing damsels in distress. Often it has nothing to do with sexual drive; only the need to "help." It is a recipe for destruction.
Go to the lady and tell her to find another confidante. Tell her that your husband is off-limits. Let your husband know what you have done. Tell him you are jealous of his relationship with her no matter how "innocent." Adam knew his wife. Emotional knowledge is still knowing. How would he like it if you had a man with whom you talked on a regular basis?
- Debi Pearl
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. 3 John 4
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I would say to you, no kidding! He has no right to talk with this woman. She is so vulnerable & that she finds him willing to engage is a big fat red flag. She knows what she is doing.
Your husband does not know his boundaries. He has no business giving her any of his attention & should refer her to someone who is able to have compassion on her. Done in love but in firmness. So the picture is clear.
Been there done that!
I have to say that I agree with JC Smith...Debi's advice is good, too. I can see it from both sides. It sounds like this lady has some emotional problems and needs a friend, somebody she can talk to. My ex-boyfriend's father was always very kind to me and we still talk on the phone sometimes, but it is completely innocent. We are both married and there is nothing inappropriate in our conversations. So maybe it is the same in this situation...maybe the wife has nothing to be worried about.
But at the same time, I understand her concerns. Debi makes a good point about how some men like to be helpful but sometimes it turns into something more. It reminds me of a true story...there was this married guy who took pity on a young woman, became her confidante, and then eventually had an affair with her. The situation ended in tragedy when she killed him and took her own life, after he realized that it was wrong and tried to end the affair. Moral of the story? It feels good to help somebody else. It's nice to be able to share your problems with another person. But sometimes it can lead to infidelity. Maybe that poor man would still be here if he hadn't been caught up in "helping" that girl.
So while it is kind of the husband to try and help this lady, he should also consider his wife's feelings. Even if nothing is going on, if his wife is uncomfortable with the phone calls, he should try to limit his time spent on conversations with the woman. And I'm saying this as a woman who feels more comfortable talking to men than other women...I wouldn't want somebody else to feel that I am being inappropriate with her husband. It is also not the husband's job to play therapist to this lady.