Posted December 10, 2012

Hi, I had a question I had been thinking about quite a bit, and was hoping for some answers. I’m wondering what’s appropriate for a 16 year old girl…First of all I trust my dad, TOTALLY and COMPLETELY! He’s such an amazing dad. I’m a daddys girl (not user name:) LOL. Anyway, I was kinda wondering what was okay and what wasn’t. Once a friend made a comment about me sitting on my dads lap. I don’t think she thought it was good. Is it wrong to full body hug your dad? Should i do side hugs? Sometimes if my baby brother wets the bed (he sleeps with me) and my moms already left, I’ll climb in my dads dry bed. I’m honestly just really curious if thats okay? Whats appropriate with a 12 year old brother? Uncles? Grandpas? Cousins? Any thoughts?:)


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  1. 1butterflykisses

    The fact that you are questioning this is a pretty good sign that you shouldn’s be doing it. What would you think if you seen a 16 year old guy sitting on his mom’s lap and they thought it was fine? I personally would cross him off my list of potential husband’s. I have someone that I know that does sit on her dad’s lap, and is probably still doing it, and she was 20 years old the first time I saw her sit on her dad’s lap! It was the weirdest and most akward thing I have seen in a long time. About you sometimes sleeping in your dad’s bed, why don’t you sleep on the couch? Why are you sleeping with your baby brother? How old do you mean when you say “baby”? Cant’ he sleep by himself in his own bed? When you hug your dad you can leave some space between the two of you. If you feel more comfortable doing side hugs then go for it. I don’t understand what you mean when you ask what is appropriate with the other family members that you mentioned. Could you please further explain?

    # December 11, 2012

    • blackwhitedenim

      I’m with you on this one. I stopped sitting on my dad’s lap when I was like… 5. I have a great relationship with my dad without hugging, etc. Same goes with other relatives. I’ll hold and touch my younger siblings (under 10), but it makes me uncomfortable when my 11 y/o brother tries to snuggle up next to me so I discourage it. Sleeping with any boy over the age of 4 would make me uncomfortable.

      # January 9, 2013

  2. liera

    That is wonderful that you love and trust your daddy. I, however, think 16 year old girls some of the most enticing girls for men. I am sure you are at the prime of your youth, and are looking mighty cute. I would be modest and careful in your touching and hugging of men, you may accidentally tempt them, and they would feel shamed for having momentary unholy feelings towards a relative. I do think, you should go sleep on the couch, you are too old to sleep with daddy. Men are particularly sensitive when sleeping, or in the morning, you may embarrass your dad. I would also give up sitting on daddies lap, let your mom take that place. I have never seen an older girl sit on a lap, other than her lovers. I have only seen small children, and sometimes even that can make a person uncomfortable. I don’t hold any children on my laps, except my children, just to be safe (and I am a mother of 3). The only exception, is when my baby nephews want to be held. The hugs, is a little harder to tell you what to do. I give many men in my families hugs, as they ask for it in a non-sexual way. I do however, start with a hand shake, and they usually don’t ask for the hug. There is an obvious difference in the way a dad should be hugged verses a husband hug. Hugging your husband he usually puts his hands around your waist and the way you go in is sexual, but when I give my dad a hug it is usually pat on the back type hug. I have three brothers, they never wanted to touch at all, so, do what your brother wants within limited bounds. I don’t think your 12 year old brother likely wants to hug you. So, just be aware you are probably looking pretty good at age 16, and even if you don’t think so, it is time to be aware that you are becoming a sexual being and adult, and should respect the boundaries of others. Maybe, ask your mom what she thinks. I see young girls constantly touching and hugging their girl friends, boys, relatives, and it is usually in a needy and flirty way. Just keep doing the good things you do, but be aware you are a woman now! =)

    # December 18, 2012

  3. akiteinthesky

    well I have an awesome dad to and for the hugs I love having a big Daddy bear hug. Im 20 and my dad gives me big hugs sometimes. I kiss him on the cheek to say good morning or good bye. I dont sit on his lap that might not be inappropriate but I dont feel comfortable with that. getting in bed with him I understand the situation is different because of your brother. I shared a bed for a long time with my little sister. I personally would not climb in bed with my dad when I was 16 I would have gotten in the arm chair in my living room. And for the other people My Grandpa I give front hugs and kiss on the cheek, but my uncles and older male cousins just a side hug. but it depends on the family and how close they are I think. I hope this helps.

    # December 21, 2012

    • aworkinprogress1611

      Hi, I agree with you totally on this. My dad is wonderful and I have a great relationship with him. He’s my DAD! I hug him and kiss him on the cheek when he comes home from work and when I go to bed. My dad has 7 children and we all treat him this way. We love and adore our father. But in adoring my dad does not mean sleeping in his bed. That naturally father or not should seem weird especially at my age, 17.

      # January 14, 2013

  4. elizabethc

    I’ve often wondered this myself. I think it really just depends on what you feel comfortable doing. I usually only give my dad side hugs because I don’t like giving him a full body hug. I’ve also taken naps with him before if we’re both tired. I don’t think it would be appropriate for you to sit in his lap at 16, but again, if you both feel comfortable with it, then go ahead.
    For a 12 year old brother, it would probably be okay to hug him or whatever, but I would be more careful on how you touch him when he becomes a teen. It would probably be pretty awkward for him then.
    As far as cousins and stuff, I would limit your touching to a bare minimum. To me, it just doesn’t seem right to be touching them a lot.
    Grandpa: This is a time when you just have to use your own judgment. Only touch him as much as you’re comfortable with!
    Does this help any? 🙂

    # December 28, 2012

  5. reign

    Hi! I know everyone’s relationships with their dad’s are different, but how you are with your dad seems fine to me. I come from a family of nine kids, two older married sisters, and I just turned twenty. (I am single and still live at home) I use to sit on my dad’s lap, but I don’t really anymore. I also hug my dad a lot, I hug all of my family a lot! Something that I have noticed, is that usually it’s my non-christian friends who find it strange or uncomfortable, or just friends who aren’t very close with their dad’s. So, I never really cared what they said, my dad is awesome, and they all liked him too. 🙂
    Then only time, I sleep with my dad is when we are camping or something like that. I sleep with my mom sometimes though.
    Anyways, I think as long as you don’t feel weird, and everyone is close and happy in your family, then I at least think its fine!

    # January 6, 2013

  6. isabella

    I think every relationship is different between dads and daughters. I asked my Dad if he thought it would be appropriate for a sixteen year old girl to sit on her dads lap, and He said it would depend on what the dad was like, If the dad was a good godly man, and felt comfortable with it then it would be fine.

    # January 16, 2013

  7. beth

    I would say that it is directly related to how your family handles the area of physical contact. I know a family where they all sit on each others laps- even the 23 year old sister with her 20 year old brother. They dish out hugs all the time, and even the girls will sit on the laps of their girl friends. I know other families where hugs are restricted to just girls and girls (the guys would rather shake hands :)). I know another family that has a lot of physical contact with each other but never anyone outside of their family. My family has never done that kind of thing- but it has a lot to do with culture. Think of Chile where everyone kisses each other hello. As long as your Dad and Mom are comfortable with it, I would say- go ahead and hug him, kiss him on the cheek, etc. I would draw the line at sleeping in the same bed. If nothing else, that just looks wrong.

    # March 2, 2013

  8. Faith17

    i agree, it depends on the relationship that you have with your Dad. I have always given my Dad hugs(not side hugs) and kissed him goodnight on the cheek (think of it this way he is supposed to be the one that you love and serve as a male figure(not in any awkward way) in your life until you find a husband). Definitely don’t go out of your comfort zone but make sure that he knows that you love and respect him in that way. I have never slept in the same bed as my dad (since I was like 5 years old and then I would crawl in my parents bed if I had a nightmare etc. and same goes with laps like 7yrs old I stopped)
    I have a big and very loving family and we have always been big huggers and it has never been awkward even with my 12yrs old brother (the only time it is even slightly awkward with him his if he very rarely 1. squeezes to hard or 2. hugs to long) I think that maybe you need to hug your brother, not in any way that is awkward for you, but to let them know that you are there for them as a sister.
    And about family members it is the same way, depends on how Godly they are and how close you are to them. For example I am very close to my 2 uncles on my mom’s side and they are very Godly men and I know that they would do anything and everything in the world protect me, so they get bear hugs. Whereas my uncle on my dads side I don’t feel as comfortable around, so if he gets any hug at all it is a side hug, and same goes with my grandpa. I don’t have any older boy cousins so idk what I would do i guess prob side hug? And with friends (girls not guys) depending on how close i am to them close=hug, not close yet=wave byebye. I haven’t had any guys that I would call close friends but guys that I know either get a high-five or a handshake or a wave.

    hope this helps 😀

    # March 3, 2013