In only a few months I will be marrying my wonderful and godly fiancé. I have a question though that’s been bothering me regarding “feelings” of “being in love” and affection. I’ve been reading and studying some on the role of hormones in our body that happen when you are in love, look in each others eyes, and touch. Hormones like adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin, etc are what cause the feeling of closeness and attachment, cause your heart to speed up, and hands to get sweaty. I’ve known that for a long time, but it dawned on me the other day that what if feelings people feel for their sweetheart is ONLY a physiological process in their body and not really feelings that come from our heart. Yes TRUE love in the real and biblical sense of the word is an action and is very real and comes from the heart. But what about the closeness we feel when we look in each others eyes, or when people hold hands? I want to know that when I have a loving feeling towards my fiancé, it’s real and from my heart, and not just think its all from a chemical process in my body. Definitely puts a cold damper on romance. God made us more than just a physical being, He also made us soul and spirit so wouldn’t such a special and important thing like the feelings that are associated with loving someone, be more than just a hormone? I just want to not think every time I have a feeling of closeness whenever he touches me once we are married that “oh, drats, it’s just hormones that make me feel close to him, it’s not actually my heart that’s making me feel like this.” I love him very much and is a very wonderful and godly man, and I want to have those romantic feelings of attraction without thinking its just something I can’t control and not real. Any help or encouragement would be wonderful. Don’t want to put a damper on this wonderful time.
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Ha! I thought I was weird for wondering this too. I read once that if a girl hugs a guy for 40 seconds (I think that’s what it was) her brain floods with oxytocin and she automatically trusts him. Now oftentimes when my boyfriend touches me I wonder how much that affects my “love” for him and if I’ve crossed that line of no return where I can’t think straight.
My opinion (and this is just an opinion, someone correct me if I’m wrong) is that I need those hormones to attach me to someone, otherwise I would be so cautious that I would never have feelings for anyone. I tend to be hard and critical, but the hormones bring out my soft, feeling side and makes me trust. Someone like me would have to be crazy to give over their whole life to another person (or even think about it).
daisy, I think science can make any and all feelings or decisions look like they are just chemical processes, and we know Biblically that’s not the case. As you say, we are a whole person – body, soul, and spirit. I think saying that your feelings toward your man aren’t from your heart because they are influenced by hormones is a little like saying you don’t really mean it when you tell your mom she made a good dinner – you are just being influenced by the biological processes of being hungry. God seems to treat the physical feelings of love as pretty legit in Song of Solomon.
Just my thoughts! Good question! 🙂
To me, it seems like a silly thing to worry about…but if you are worried, you should ask why. (i.e. Do you trust his character or do you worry that he is sneaking around behind your back?) When my husband and I were courting, hormones weren’t something I even thought to worry about. Those hormones are the way God created things to work between a husband and wife. If you’re concerned that they may be affecting your judgement, maybe you’re being too physical? Just some thoughts to think about.