Question

Posted February 24, 2014

Hi! I wanted to ask you about an issue that isn’t really vital for me, but I don’t really know how to approach it. Several months ago I started attending some volleyball meetings with a lot of Christian young people in our town. These meetings had a missionary purpose, also, unbelievers were invited to chirch after the game. Anyway, I met a boy there, 6 years older than me (and I am 18) and I really admired him. But I thought he was older and a lot more superior, spiritually speaking, so I prayed for God to keep my heart safe and not let me fall in love and keep me focused on Him. And when the right guy comes, He would open doors. Anyway, after a couple of months, this boy started texting me, and we started talking. I prayed really, really hard for the Lord to not let me say anything wrong and again, to keep my feelings safe. And we talked for two weeks, but we became really close, I was in a kids’ camp as a leader and we shared all kinds of experiences with children and the way his life was changed by God and mine too…and the thing is I knew I loved his godly character and his passionate heart for Jesus, in a way I never did, but I feared that we were getting too close and more than “just friends”, and I didn’t want to give him any hopes.  And after two weeks I felt the need to pray for our next conversation and I asked a friend of mine to pray with me, and we both received the same answer, that is to openly tell him that I don’t know where our relationship is going and we need to make some things clear. And he answered me that he had been praying for some time now and that he believes that God wants us to be together, but he is not sure, and he doesn’t want for me to start dreaming or smtg. And we agreed to pray about it and stop talking for the time being. 10 days later he told me that he had a sure answer and that he wanted to talk to my dad (I was still in the camp, 300 km away). And he did, and dad told him that I am too young and that he needs to wait, and stop talking to me or meeting. And he did. But I still prayed for it, and for 2 weeks I had this answer that he is the right guy. And yesterday he wrote me and told me not to worry and to focus on God and that he will not resign but he wants to respect my dad’s choice and our Father’s plan. The thing is, I am sure that he is the boy God wanted to put in my life, he is sure that I am “the one”. But I am 18, he is 24, I still have a year of highschool, and I don’t really know if we should start talking again, given the fact that we are sure that God created us for each other, or wait several years for me to finish college and not talking at all during these years. So, basically, my question is: is a long-term (I’ll finish college in 4 years from now) relationship biblical or should we just wait for me to have a finished education and be completely separate meanwhile? We both want to follow God’s design for our lives, but there are certain things that I feel I cannot have a perspective upon.

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  1. thankfulwifey

    I think you are hugely blessed!!!
    Tell me about him! Does he have a job? way to provide? Does he live at home? How far is he from you? Can he visit your father?

    I would pray for God to lead your Dad’s heart and wait the year to finish high school I think that is reasonable. However, I would ask him to check in with your Dad once in awhile so your Dad knows how serious he is. Love that will last a lifetime should last a year. However, love is also delicate. The Pearl’s tell a story somewhere about a controlling Dad who destroyed a great match, by putting them man off many years. So pray for your Dad to have wisdom.

    Your man should be praying and preparing for a wife.

    Find out what your Dad thinks what he is looking for in a guy for you. Ask him what he wants to see in you to know you are ready to marry. Mention to your parents what you see in him that reminds you of your dad. I told my mom that my 18 year old boyfriend (soon to be my fiancee) “reminds me of Dad but a little more gentle.” My dad is a super command man. My hubby is generally a little more gentle with his word choice, but just as much a leader. I also let my parents know how much I liked my BF and that we were considering marriage. I asked them to examine him, while we visited and give me honest feedback. I wanted Gods will and expected Him to warn me through them if this was not His will. Sometimes as ladies our emotions can carry us a way and make Gods voice hard to hear 🙂 My Dad liked him!

    I think a four year engagement while you finish college is unwise, but that is just my first reaction. Seems like you would fall into sin, or a lot of years would be lost, plus you might lose this guy.

    To find a Godly, Christian guy, who is sexually pure and a hard worker and WANTS the responsibility of a wife IS A GIFT!!! Super super rare this day in age! More importantly he wants you!!! You might meet other guys like him (not likely), but them loving you in return is a rare and precious GIFT from God.

    Sometimes I read the standards of young girls on this site and they amaze me. My husband is NOT perfect, nor was he when I met him, but I am honored to be loved by him. He is everything in the above paragraph and more to me. I respect and admire him. He plays video games and enjoys TV and movies and I know he is the guy God planned for me before the creation of the world. At age 10 I prayed for a Jewish husband, so I could care for one of God’s people (I was 10 :). 5 years into our marriage my husband and I learned he was Jewish! Anyways, my/our only regret is that we didn’t marry in college. We struggled with purity being away from our families, but honestly just never thought marrying in college was possible. My kids will know it is possible. I would rather have them be pure and married in college than burning with lust. I know that makes things complicated financially, but I would encourage them to deal with the finacial trouble. I put my hubby through med school as the sole provider. He was focused on his studies and said he couldnt have done it without me. He even saved enough of the money I made for me to
    get pregnant and stay home his last year of school!!! Sweet sweet memories 🙂
    PS show your dad this question. May help you explain your feelings to him.
    Praying for you, how richly blessed you are!

    # February 24, 2014