Posted August 3, 2012

A few months ago I was on a missions trip in Thailand and helped at an orphanage. One boy there – I’ll call him James – got a crush on me. He’s a really nice boy, very gallant and helpful and honorable. He’s planning on going to Bible school and becoming a missionary. He started really following me around during the last few weeks of my stay, giving me flowers, offering to show me around the town, buy me coffee, help me carry things, etc., and sent me text messages such as “good night” and “God bless you.” I told him I appreciated everything, but I didn’t want a boyfriend, to which he said Okay, friends would be fine. I think it would have been wise to stay away from him more and set some boundaries, but unfortunately, he was the only kid in the orphanage who spoke any kind of English, so when I went to a few Thai Christian camps and was away from the English-speaking orphanage staff, I had to rely on him almost all the time for translating and schedules. I think I ended up fostering our “relationship” just because of that.

Well, the last week I was there he told me he liked me, and the week I went home he started sending me Facebook mesages saying how much he missed me. Now, I like him a lot as a good friend and I even think he’d be a great husband and father, but I’m not interested in him romantically. But apparently, after I left, his crush got even worse. I was really really hoping it would fade away when we had some physical distance, but it’s been two and a half months and nothing’s changed for him. He’s posted messages (in Thai, apparently not for me to read, but I can translate them) that say, “Love her yesterday, love her today, and love her tomorrow. Love always.” and “Some people say true love is defeated by distance, but for me it is extremely stressful and I lose part of myself when I’m away from her. Still remain in hope to meet her again.” He even sent one directly to me: “Do you actually know that there is a person over here who misses you very much? I am very concerned.” – Serious stuff. Since May, I’ve gotten about 10 of these.

Mostly I’ve tried to ignore them or send back generic replies (yes, I miss everyone at the orphanage too), but it isn’t working anymore. I really don’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him to stop because he has been a good friend to me. But I am frustrated because he’s exacerbating his own crush by sending me all these messages and I’m making it worse by ignoring them. Whether I stay silent or whether I tell him to stop, I fear this is going to end poorly.

To top things off, I’ve been invited back to the orphanage to help, my whole family supports it, and I’ve already arranged to go back there this September. There are 35 other kids I could help, I can’t stay away just because of this one guy, but how am I going to handle this crush once I get there? Please advise, and thanks so much!


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  1. CJ

    Wow, what a tough place to be in. Have you prayed about it at all? What do your friends and family think of him? Have you considered the possibility of him as your husband? I’m sorry I can’t offer any advice!! 😕

    # August 3, 2012

  2. Anna Grace

    How old are you and how old is he? Why aren’t you interested in him romantically if you think he would make a great husband and father? Maybe, just maybe you should consider the possibility? I would suggest talking to your parents about the whole thing and see what they think.

    # August 4, 2012

  3. Anna May

    Maybe you should ask your dad to talk to him. Your dad could send him an email or call him or something and tell him how you feel…

    # August 4, 2012

  4. CJ

    Yes, I second what Anna May said. Let your dad deal with it!

    # August 14, 2012

  5. Janelle

    I’d personal email him or something and explain everything to Him. That you’re not intersted, why, and how what he’s doing is making you uncomfortable or is innapropriate. Ask him to stop and withhold from expressing these feelings to you, but keep them between himself and God out of respect for you. But you need to be tactful about it! 🙂 Don’t be afraid to straight out say the truth, but soften the blow somewhat too, let him know that you respect him and care about him as a friend!

    And I want to know too! Why aren’t you interested in him? If he is such a wonderful guy and the only reason is just that you don’t feel fireworks inside when you’re around him, then think again! Married couples don’t ALWAYS feel fireworks EVERY time they’re around each other. There’s a lot more to marriage than that. And by the way, if you give this guy a chance you may start to feel those fireworks as you spend time with him and get to know him more! :p

    I am college age and have never been in a relationship, I do not speak from experience, but I think this is something you should consider. HAVE you prayed and asked God what HE thinks you should do about this relationship? Have you asked God if it is His will for you to be in a relationship with this guy? Maybe God GAVE him those feelings for you…
    I don’t know, just something to pray about.

    # August 15, 2012

    • CJ

      Love your 2nd paragraph!! (Well, I love ALL your paragraphs, but the 2nd one esp.!) 😉

      # August 15, 2012

  6. Faith Grubb

    A guy down the street for me was almost as bad, on our second meeting he nearly proposed by saying, “So do you like me?”.

    I told him, on the phone, that I wasn’t ready for marriage yet and I felt he wasn’t either. And that maybe later he could ask me. I told him I din’t hate him, but just wasn’t ready then I told him my Dad didn’t feel we were ready either. (He had no home, no income, no living except at him Mom’s).

    But I understand the puppy-dog following thing. In that case ALWAYS bring a friend (and in emergency even a non-English speaking friend) with the two of you. Don’t let Satan get the upper hand by letting yourselves be alone together.

    About the emailing/fbing I’d not reply. But since you have you might publically post on him wall that you have decided not to privately message any young men anymore. Let him know you have boundaries! I see now why it is so important to previously set them for yourself.

    The guy after me hasn’t called since but we bump into his mom now and again and she gives us an update ( but in his case he only wanted a girlfriend).

    Is this young man interested in you as a wife or is he going to speak love to you until he’s done with college THEN do something? Sounds like he isn’t ready to marry you. But he thinks it’s ok to speak ‘violent’ love? Thats wrong. He shouldn’tplay with any girls heart strings. He sounds immature.

    Hope that helps.

    # August 16, 2012