My fiancé broke up with me last month. I have gone through so many emotions privately that no one has noticed the toll it has taken on me. Many of my close friends and even my family thinks I have moved on fairly well and have been doing good. However, deep inside me I keep asking my self “Will another man ever want to marry me? Knowing that I was engaged before?” It is my biggest fear. I always thought that if I was careful enough, really tried ride the balance beam then I would only date/court one guy and have a happy marriage. However, after the break up I was devastated. I am just so worried no other guy, narrowing it down, no Christian man will ever want a woman whose already been engaged once. Advice?
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Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girl—or at least that’s the way it should be. Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was—how shall I say it—a frustrating learning experience.
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Don’t think that you are not desirable only because you were engaged. As long as you did not engage in promiscuous activities with your fiance, in my opinion, no man should look at you down his nose only because of a previous engagement that was broken. Hope my answer helped. 🙂 Praying for God’s peace in your life.
I know personally several people who have been engaged and then broke up for what ever reason and now have happy marriages to different people who are also christians its not that uncommon Ive found.
Don’t focus on that, but rather, let Jesus Christ be the focus of your life.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.” ~John
(He loves us!)
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
~Solomon
(Trust Him; He’ll lead you!)
“Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.”
“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requested be known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” ~Pual
(Be joyful in Him, and trust Him!)
Hi Laura! My heart aches for you. I have not felt the pain you do, but my mother has.
My mom was a Christian yet she still got married to an unbeliever at the age of 22. She had a child with him(ME!) and soon after I was born this man declared he didn’t love her anymore and so they separated(an extremely condensed version of what happened of course). Well, when she came back home and had such haunting thoughts, very similar to the ones you wrote. “Why would a Christian man want to marry me? I’ve already been married and divorced, not to mention I now have a child! I don’t think any one would ever love me again.”
She went on her way, and when she was 24, a dashing Christian man walked into her life. They began to date and within a year they were married! This man accepted her, and me into his heart as if nobody had ever been there before him.
I know another man will do the same to you. He won’t care that you had already been engaged. He will love you like you’ve been his and only his forever.
Keep your head up and your nose in the Word, all the while consistently praying for strength. Your life will turn out fine. 🙂
I hear your hurt so clearly!! the very same thing happened to me a few months ago. and though I know I shouldn’t think it I do.
All my life I was taught and longed to share all I am with only one man. we had good physical bounders but that doesn’t stop you from becoming so attached to that one person who you were planning on spending your whole life with!! I don’t have much advice as I am still in the same boat. But one thing I would say is if he is a godly, honorable man who you respected and were honored to even be noticed by him than look at it this way, he thought you were a worthy!! Some other Godly man will think so!! It shouldn’t matter to him that you were in a relationship before, if you have moved forward and committed it all to God hands, And he should be able to see that is was a time that God used for you to draw closer to Him and to become a sweeter more lovely gal. Let God teach you, let go, and a young man will some day see a girl worth loving, past or no past!!! Hope you are doing well, It isn’t easy when facing fears like that, but it isn’t fear that God wants His children to be living in!! God has a young man!! wait…….. 🙂 by the way this is a sermon to myself as well!! A understanding Friend in Christ.
Laura,
I too have been hurt in a relationship recently. Hurt so badly I left her. So I know what you’re going through, and have yet to truly heal myself; I didnt know how deeply I was hurt until I started working through my emotions. But I can say as a Christian man (not so much religious but my morals are guided by those tenants) that you will be ok. You will find love again. I know that right now you are feeling hurt, depressed, isolated, humiliated. Day by day you will feel more yourself. Start exercising. Get active. Force yourself off the couch. But also let your grieving pass through you, don’t suppress it. Google “how to get over a broken heart;” that is helping me as well. Above all have hope, have faith. The past 5 weeks I’ve been questioning god, why did you do this to me, why won’t you help me? But keep this thought in mind: what if this pain you’re feeling was a door to what you’ve always wanted, but you just dont know you’ve already walked through that door? To use a biblical reference, think of when Moses led the Jews through the red sea-there was no going back to slavery. They had to go forward, taking that leap of faith through the sea to get where they needed to go. For you and for me, there is no going back. It’s time to start swimming:). I hope this helps you.
-Stuart
You are going through a lot right now and are in so much pain; it may take you a while before you start to heal. My mom had these thoughts when she was young about no one wanting to marry her, but they aren’t true. There may be other reasons why you two are not together. Maybe God has something else in store for you. Jeremiah 29:11-13
Another lady asked a very similar question. Everyone is different but we can help eachother through these tough times.
https://nogreaterjoy.org/blogs/preparingtobeahelpmeet/drastic-breakup/