Posted February 28, 2014

So, this young man recently approached my dad and expressed his interest in marrying me. I barely know this guy (we have been at the same group church events and such maybe three times a year for the past several years), but the little I and my parents have observed has all been good. My idealistic and realistic mom (whom my brother says half-jokingly doesn’t like anyone) really likes him and thinks we’d be a great match. I have to admit that he has every trait I have admired and wished for in a husband. The weird thing is that I’m not emotionally or physically attracted to him. My mom says that that’s a good thing that my emotions aren’t involved at this point, which will help me to see this situation more clearly (I tend to be quite a romantic dreamer). The disturbing thing is that I would probably be very attracted to him if he was tall dark and handsome in addition to his other good qualities. Am I just being very shallow and unspiritual? I don’t want to marry someone I’m not attracted to, I don’t want to lead this fellow on and then back out, and I don’t want to choose a spouse largely based on physical attractiveness. (On a side note, I have always dreamed of marrying someone with dark hair and eyes, but several years ago I surrendered that to God and told Him I wanted His choice of a man, even if that means a short red-headed green-eyed man – and that happens to describe this man exactly!)
Married ladies: were you attracted to your husband when you first knew him, or did some of you have to learn to love him? As you got to know him better and see his heart for the Lord, did his unappealing physical charicteristics fade and become beautiful in your eyes? I’ve not yet seen this man since he expressed interest, so maybe my heart will melt once I see love for me in his eyes. My main concern is that I don’t want to lead him on if I won’t ever fall in love with him. But how can I know?

– A very confused dreamer


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  1. james410

    i can not speak from experience but i can tell you this. I knew of a girl who was asked to court by a young man. Her parents gave her permission but she did not like him really. Her parents told they thought she should try so she agreed, though she told the guy up front, ” I really do not think you are the right one, but my parents have said they think I should try. So, that is how I see it.”
    The young man understood and they proceeded from there to get to know each other better. ( The young man really wanted to marry her, so he tried really hard to get her to like him…in good ways, respecting the parents and everything.) After some while, she started to like him more and more. Then She really liked him and then….they got engaged. Now they are happily married and I think she wonders why she ever did not like the guy. : )
    Maybe that helps.

    # February 28, 2014

  2. katherinduq

    I think it’s a matter of you to pray and ask God to show you if this is the man that God has for you, if the answer is yes, I think the physical attraction will come when you know a little more, and if the answer is No, So that you wish to be like? I hope help you

    # March 10, 2014

  3. laura

    Hey, I am in exactly the same situation though I am already courting this guy. I kind of like him, but i have ups and downs. Some days I like him, while other days i wonder what i am doing and think i will never like him. We started courting some time ago. Is anyone’s experience to have not liked the guy, but after some time to have started liking him?

    # May 17, 2014

  4. burkeygirl4jesus

    Woah. This is tough. I actually went on 1 date with a guy, because my parents said I should give him a try. After 1 date, I didn’t have a peace about it, and I told him that I didn’t have any attraction toward him. I know, it’s really harsh, and I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, but it did. I think you need to be honest… If he wants to continue to spend time getting to know you/letting you get to know him, that’s his call. Otherwise you’ll be leading him on. The main thing though — listen to God, and follow His voice!

    # January 31, 2016