How can one kindly approach another on the subject of their immodest clothing so that they will think about it and not shrug it off as just your opinion? For example, I have a violin student who is a believer and she thinks she dresses modestly, but she wears really, I mean really! tight shirts. How can I approach the subject as her sister in Christ?
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Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girl—or at least that’s the way it should be. Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was—how shall I say it—a frustrating learning experience.
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It’s not your business. You are a teacher and she is a student. That’s unprofessional. God will deal with her, he doesn’t need your help.
I kindly disagree, God can work through us if we allow him, too:)
I would say if the student had a problem with smoking or any other moral problem a godly teacher would do something about it, but a sour and ungodly teacher would do nothing.
Tell her that you love her and think that she is a great person and that you really like her but that you have noticed that her shirts are quite tight and you think that many boys would be looking at her in a wrong way and you know that she doesn’t want that. Mostly just let her know that you are saying it out of love and make sure she knows that you aren’t judging her.
Great question! I would love to know the answer as well!!!
I have also wondered about this issiue as well. Or how do you bring it up in a way that the person will listen? There’s this one girl that comes to volley-ball that we have every second Friday night, and us girls are always wearing things that are modest, no low shirts,or snug clothes including pants. But this one girl is always wearing snug pants or knee length shorts. How do I approch her without turning her away?
I would like to know how to handle something like this in the right way. Any suggestions would be more than welcome!
Why are knee-length shorts immodest? I don’t think that is that big of an issue.
I second CJ’s opinion!
This girl wears the form fited jeans and shorts. She’s a nice christian girl but I really don’t like her choice of jeans and shorts, and don’t think it is right. I try to dress thinking about what would honor GOD and is it honoring to the guys that I am around.
Sorry for the mix up!! I agree totally with wearing knee-length short, and pants!! I wear them myself. But I have a problem with them when people wear really tight fitting shorts. They are imodest and show way to much. But also, our volley-ball gruop includes guys and MY brother, and I don’t want to put a stummbling block in front of them.
My thinking is if she doesn’t want to change her modesty that I have to ask her to leave. Is that a wrong?
Have you prayed about it, and for her? What if she can’t afford to by more modest fitting clothes? If that is the case, maybe you and some girls can go through your clothes that you don’t want that are her size and give them to her. Why don’t you bring your conserns to someone in charge? Let them handle it; because it may not be taken very well coming from someone that isn’t in charge to tell her to leave.
Once this lady we were witnessing to always came over, and she dressed pretty immodest, too, i was about 14, but it bothered me because she was a BEAUTIFUUULLL girl and she was always around my dad. i suggeested to my mom that i quietly say to her, “Hey Schae, your top button came unbuttoned” mama thought that was a good idea.
Did mentioning the undone button work? I know what you mean about really beautiful, shapely girls dressing immodestly! When I went on a mission trip to South Carolina recently, there were 2 girls at the Church we were helping who were really beautiful but didn’t dress modestly enough, either. Soon the (immature) boys on the trip were all talking about them. One of them asked me to introduce him to one of the girls, actually! I said “No way!” The 2nd day the girls came, I was walking along and noticed a lot of the boys all in a group. Then I noticed who was in the middle of the group – the two girls! 🙂 Oh boy! But the thing is, girls aren’t usually that aware of what skimpy clothes can do, and especially if they’re really shapely, they need to watch out!
I would just tell her respectfully that you think her clothing might attract the wrong kind of attention to herself. If she is open, you can give her a book like What in the World Should I Wear? which may help her understand.
Personally, I tend to only change my ways in this area if I can tell that the person making the comment is doing it out of genuine concern. When someone snickers at my attire I don’t know how seriously to take it. Not that it sounds like you would do that!
I am a piano teacher and have experienced a similar situation. Ultimately, my husband and I decided that it is not my place to say anything. How the girl dresses is between her, her parents, and God. My job is to be a great piano teacher and a good example as an older Christian woman. If she asks my opinion I might give it – graciously – but if not, I will just pray for her.
Everyone has different opinions on modesty. Some believe women should only wear skirts, others believe loose pants are ok. Some women wear sleeveless tops with a clear conscience, others keep their arms covered to their elbows. If we begin going around “encouraging” others to adopt the same standards we do, we may come across as judgmental. Perhaps God is working in this young girls life in another area and plans to work on modesty at another time. We simply don’t know what God is doing in anyone’s life but our own. It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict and not ours. He will reveal things to her in His time and if she doesn’t listen to God speaking to her heart she certainly won’t listen to you! Just pray for her growth in the Lord (in whatever areas that may be – not just how she dresses), and be a great example! 🙂
There was a point in my life where I was “the violin student”
I wish more people would have said, “the bible says woman should dress modest……” to me rather than letting me fall through the cracks with our fallen culture about attracting the wrong kind of attention. Attention that ALL women who have desire for God will eventually regret.
We can’t always count on parents to help the daughter dress modestly. A child who doesn’t trust parental advice will continue to turn to peers and self for determining proper dress.
As a violin teacher, standards would have to be set BEFORE giving violin lessons if things were to go well for students. For example: Rules for students would be 1. No drug paraphernalia, smoking or alcohol usage allowed. 2. ADD, ADHD or depression type meds must be dealt with in an alternative remedy method 3. No immodest dress (short skirts, tight clothing) or addictions for pornography allowed 4. immoral relationships outside of marriage are not allowed, including boyfriend and girlfriend relationships 5. healthy eating habits must be maintained (no gluttony, starvation diets or junk food diets) 6. No bullying, scorning, pride filled or putting down the qualities of other students 7. No frequent argument, lieing or disobedience to parents and caregivers.
Set these high standards first. Let the students know they exist and are a part of good quality violin playing and lessons. Let them know that you judge not only the quality of their music but also the quality of their life because you know that the quality of music has much to do with quality of life. If any of the rules are violated frequently (over three times) the student will not be allowed to take lessons from you. Most GOOD students will strive to maintain these standards as they may want to get into a good college or some other higher level of life. If they fail let them know that you-tube has free violin lessons available and they may return to you within 3 months if they have cleared their record.
Show them the list of rules frequently, maybe every other lesson and explain that they must check off all rules that have been violated and seek to improve their lives to meet the high standards set. This must be their personal goal not to be dishonest and not a goal that you need to take responsibility to maintain but rather to encourage honesty in behavior.
Good teachers are good moral instructors as well and are concerned about the well being of the student and give the student the personal responsibility to take care to maintain the best behavior.
Those are some ideas. But definitely a personal list of rules will help you maintain better moral control of students so that you can enjoy teaching your students rather than worrying about the troubles they may face.
#1) Only the Holy Spirit can convict; trying to do His job for Him damages people. Is there a reason something needs to be said? Are you the one to say it? In speaking, are you distrusting the power of the Holy Spirit? Lately, live-in boyfriends & girlfriends have been coming to church. And what do you know, a week or two later they tell us that they’ve gotten married. No one had to say anything.
#2) Confess. If we are under the law, we are critical of anyone who is not up to our standards.
#3) Be true to your conscience. If it bothers you, and your heart is trusting & pure, then call it like you see it! If someone is embarrassing themselves, by all means tell them. But if your heart is troubled because they are surrounded by boys and you are not, then it’s God you need to talk to — not them…
I serve with the teenagers at church & it’s amazing the things you can say when you’re at rest, loving & not legalistic. Tell them they’re flashing you. Tell them they look like the naked manequin you saw at Macy’s yesterday. Tell them they better strap those girls down or they’re going to pop out. Tell them if their shirt/jeans melted off, no one could tell the difference.
Just please don’t draw them aside for a hushed-tone, very-concerned, super-spiritual, agonizingly-uncomfortable, I’m-so-burdened, let-me-help-you serious talk. I hated being around people that were “burdened” for me and wanted to “help” me.* I would agree to spend time with them to make them feel good, but they never ministered Christ to me.
*Don’t worry. I dressed like a nun in highschool. In fact, I was the perfect, model church girl that exceeded every unspoken expectation — which God later showed me, was sin.
Wow. I didn’t know that my question got posted! Thanks for all the responses!
I would first like to say that she and I are very good friends. Secondly, that as a Christian, if I said nothing, I am agreeing or approving of her dress, which I certainly do not. Moreover, these are private lessons in our home, and when she comes over, my dad and brother disappear. That is enough to tell me that her dress is provoking. They have asked me to talk to her about it several times, and I have been praying and praying about how to do it. I desire to do it in a way that will not provoke her to anger, but rather to seriously consider it.
>>>qhcowgirl – you said “Just please don’t draw them aside for a hushed-tone, very-concerned, super-spiritual, agonizingly-uncomfortable, I’m-so-burdened, let-me-help-you serious talk.”
Don’t worry. I know what you mean. I hate that sort of stuff, too. I just want people to be reasonable with me. That is what I want to be with her, too.
Yes, her skirts are tight and her shirts even more so. Basically, she has stated that she is not under bondage to wear long skirts. She desired to share with me her freedom. I think she simply doesn’t understand how it can provokes guys.
I have copied the chapter (19) on chasity from Debi’s book ‘Created to be His Help Meet’. I think this will be the right approach. If possible, I will post how it goes.
That sounds like a great idea!
Yes, it would be completely appropriate to bring it up to her, & especially since you are friends. A good friend MUST say something! Remember to ask the Lord for wisdom, & we are praying for you too!
I have a couple people in my life like that, & though I casually brought up what immodesty does to a mans mind & talked about how important to dress modestly is once, since they thought they were modest, they didn’t hear me & since I was not very close, God lead me 2 to drop it.