Hi, ladies!
This is probably sort of sad, but I want to find out how to learn to trust my father. It’s a sort of tough situation for me, and I need help.
When I was younger, I was abused. I still have nightmares about it, or things related to it. I’ve had so many dreams where a man has cornered me and sexually assaulted me, and many have involved my father as that man. He’s never done anything like that and I don’t know why he’s involved in these dreams, but they have been so realistic that I don’t trust him. I just don’t. Telling him anything about in my life is such a struggle, because I see him violating me and am scared.
What do I do? It’s a really important time in my life to be able to talk to him openly, as I am being pursued by a young man whom I really like. I should be able to talk to him… when I see all my friends being completely in love with their dads and trusting them, I feel like I’m sinful for not trusting mine. I’ve told myself so many times that it was just in dreams, but my heart is frightened of him still.
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Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girl—or at least that’s the way it should be. Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was—how shall I say it—a frustrating learning experience.
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Maybe the reason you cannot trust your dad is because he is not trustworthy.
If that is true, then you don’t have to trust him. Honour him, respect him, love him (Corinthians 13 style! )
Maybe he appears in those nightmares because you resent him for not having protected you better, or maybe he allowed the abuse to happen by turning a blind eye and therefore was a participant. It is hard to give advice without knowing whether or not your father is a good man. If he is an evil man who knowingly allowed the abuse, then please know, you will never be able to trust him and nor should you. You may even have to distance yourself from him.
If the dreams are false and do not actually reflect his character, then please disregard what I am saying.
I am so sorry you were abused. The memories will always be painful but God is faithful to heal.
Hey, kingsdaughter
Sorry about the psychobabble, but if you see your dad as the one who violated you, it’s possible that he did and you’ve repressed the memory. If he did not (which I hope is true, as you say), then you could be holding him responsible in your subconscious for failing to protect you.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. The question you must ask yourself now is, have you given it over to God? Forgiving the person who did it is one thing, but have you forgiven yourself for being a victim? If so, great. If not, I encourage you to seek the Lord’s face and give it over to Him, who is Just and Loving, and who will one day wipe every tear from your eye (I sure hope that day comes soon!)
Meanwhile, if you’re interested in someone, and it is the Lord’s will for you, time will heal your wounds. You’ll make new, pleasant memories with the man you marry and God will teach you — through patience and perseverance — to trust both Him and that man. Wait for that day, resting confidently in the Lord. He loves you and wants to bless you, but you must let Him do it in His time and in His way.
Maybe it was someone else you were close to, and your brain is just replacing him with your dad. If you are still uneasy about it, maybe you could talk with a trusted lady who can comfort you and give you some advice; and pray. I hope this man that is interested in you doesn’t think of you any differently when you tell him what happened. I’ll be praying for you!