I dated and was to engaged to a wonderful man for about four months. He is most definitely a King (command) type. He is hard to deal with sometimes, and at times I wanted to bang my head against the wall. Thankfully God gave me patience and grace, and blessed our relationship. I enjoyed serving him and preparing to be his future helpmeet.
After he initiated, and I resisted, we finally fell into sin. We never actually committed fornication, but it put a strain on our relationship. Many nights he and I would break down in prayer. I have only seen him cry once, and he came very close to making it twice the last time we were together.
I am still in love with him. I know God put the love and desire in my heart, because I had peace. I almost felt like I heard a voice telling me this was right.
We were preparing to go to Japan as missionaries after he finished his mission courses, and I finished my Elementary Education courses.
We have tried to repair the broken relationship slowly, starting out as friends. But it seems like every time, he “looses himself” and attempts to pull us back into sin. Then he freaks and runs away. I am trying to be patient and am trying not to feel upset and hurt over the rejection I feel. It almost feels like he doesn’t care enough to not want to do the things he does.
When he makes a decision he normally is a brick wall, unmoving. At first, I found that hard to deal with. But in time, I learned to submit to him. But when it comes to me and our relations together he is up and down. Right now he is anti-me.
How can I respect his decision and keep myself from becoming bitter? I have welcomed him back, no questions asked several times before. And I know I could do so again, arms wide open. But the memories and the pain that I feel scare me. I don’t want to miss God’s next move in my life, but I don’t want to let my kingly man down, and lose what I truly believe is God’s will as my future mate. I am doing my devotions and seeking God in prayer and Bible reading. I have read several books and heard several messages. Some of them come close, but they never hit the nail on the head. I loved Mrs. Pearl’s books, and I’m even rereading them as well as getting the magazine. I take notes, research the scriptures given, and work on my Treasure Chest.
Does anyone have an advice for a 20 year old college student, madly in love, seeking God’s will, and striving to be a good friend and future helpmeet?
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Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girl—or at least that’s the way it should be. Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was—how shall I say it—a frustrating learning experience.
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Maybe you should give each other some space. His constent running away from you, to me, sounds like he has major problems dealing with issues in a relationship. Also, if he is doing this now, he will be doing this when you are married. My mother said it sounds like he has a hard time commiting.
Mark 9:43-47
“43 If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. 45 And if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. 47 And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell.”
If the relationship is causing you to fall into sin… then you probably want to “cut it off.” It is hard, but that is what I can make of your situation.
We have been able to rekindle these months that I have been away from the site. He has improved greatly in his spiritual walk and his personality. He faces temptation, but instead of giving in or attempting to tempt me, he prays and talks to me about what is going on.
We try to take breaks from each other so that we do not become to comfortable. He has acknowledge that the reason he kept leaving is because he cares about me, and hated that he was hurting me. But he would come back because it was hard to stay away from me.
We are oil and water, but somehow we make things work. No matter the problems we face, we are able to come back together, discuss them, pray about them, and move on.
I am still praying for God’s direction in this matter, and appreciate your responses. Please keep me in your prayers.
In your original post you said that you submit to him. He is not your husband. The Bible does not require you to submit to your boyfriend, but to your husband. It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship. Your on again, off again relationship is destructive.
1Corinthians 7:8-9
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
Please stop playing with fire. You are getting singed, and the habits the two of you are developing will be harmful to you in your future. I suggest you either marry or completely separate and pursue life away from each other.
I realize you are in college. I believe it is wrong for society to require young adults to choose between their virtue and education goals. This includes Christian circles, as well. Please consider the long term effects of playing with fire.