So my fiance, LOVES video games. If I would let him he would play them all day, and I
Hate them, I feel like they take up his time too much, and we get into arguements a lot
Over them. he doesn’t seem to see the problem. And his relationship with God is slacking
Because of it. Is there anything I can or not do to help him or are these signs to get out of the relationship?
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Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girl—or at least that’s the way it should be. Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was—how shall I say it—a frustrating learning experience.
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You have certainly asked a lot in just a few words! After reading both of your post, I think what you are saying is this; correct me if I am wrong. You meet this guy on line. You are now engaged to him. You do not like his hobby, nor do you think he is as spiritual as you so you argue all the time. I have to ask why are you marring him. Why is he marring you? Come on this is crazy! Ok let’s talk about it a little.
Trust me when I say this, you cannot plan on him quitting his hobby, it is what he does and enjoys. I personally would not be interested in a man that played video games but some girls do not mind. If you plan on marrying this man then you need to decide right now to enjoy playing games with him, or sitting and reading beside him while he plays them. If you marry this man and plan on trying to change him then I am sorry for him and you. You will not have a blessed marriage. You need to decide and chose right now on what kind of wife you are going to be and if you are prepared to serve him, honor him and follow him, no matter what. If you go into this marriage with an attitude of feeling like you need to change him, then life will not be happy for you or him.
Now on the issue of who is more spiritual? You said he is a loving man, sweet and loves God; so I am assuming he is Saved. I am going to guess here and say that he is a steady priest type, am I right? If he is, then you need to get the Preparing book or since you are about to be married the Created to be a help meet book and read the part about a steady man and how many times we women judge them on not being spiritual because they are so laid back in their approach. I was raised with a Dad that studied the Bible all the time. As a result I know my Bible very well and can discuss most doctrine with the best of them. My Husband was raised in a Baptist church where there was lots of preaching but little Bible studying going on. I know my Bible and my doctrine much better than he does. But I would never say I was more spiritual. Because It would not be true, he might not know the technical terms but God leads him and he leads the family. I am telling you this to encourage you. Just because you might know or have more knowledge of the Bible that your future spouse that does not mean God will not work in your man. Remember God likes to use the sinner that has been born again not the religious house wife; to get his work done. If this man is a steady type then he will be a very faithful husband and good father. It is up to you to decide whether you have a marriage of joy or a marriage of strife. If you do not think you can chose to be happy and rejoice in your man, video games and all; then you need to tell him good bye. He does not need to live with a woman that nags him for the rest of his life about his hobby. You have a big decision to make, I will pray for you. Shalom
My thought is, if you don’t want to marry Bill Gates (a man who actually had vandalism problems in his teen years) then this probably won’t work for you. A woman who has a load of forgiveness, a listening ear and a general sense of independence to meet with Christ on her own strength could probably handle a constant video game player or any techno crazed man. Woman and technology often don’t mix UNLESS she knows how it works and then she feels the desire to craft her way away on the computer (similar to quilting I might add). I noticed in your comment that you did not mention any of your fiance’s positive qualities. This is an indication that you may need to work on finding the general good side in man. Women must NEVER cross the line of accusing man falsely by saying he is “lazy,” “ignorant” and such. That is what creates men to be that way. Instead a woman MUST say “Bob you have such good hand-eye coordination, that is such a gift” or “Papa you are so intelligent” or when you go to get car fixed say “Jimmy you are so mechanical I like that about you” Always try to make the comments portray masculine side. Sometimes positive comments may sound flirty….but if you are controlled, men pay attention and enjoy your presence in general. From father, to brother, to uncle, to garbage man, to fiance and even husband. google (fascinating womanhood pdf) to get more assignments to build up positive sense of men and hopes for their success and your freedom to be a woman.
By the way my husband plays his video games and even stayed up 41 hours just to get his fill. He is a sin driven man and has criminal records. I still do my hardest to look at his positive side because he needs God’s grace. I hardly ever need to get frustrated with him and if I do get mad I make it a child-like anger not a held on grudge or a nag. I have my faults too….often the dishes aren’t done and I’m not as submissive as I could be with wearing fancy clothes that my husband would desire (takes a lot of time to prepare) and such. Sometimes I think I am too tired or just don’t feel like I want to change or don’t have time….I don’t know.
When a woman gets married….she NEEDS to have forgiveness for ALL people in her life and that will make the marriage go a lot smoother for her. Like I said before, look to the positive side in MAN as a whole and it will make your life much happier (single or married).
Another thing…..according to the preparing to be his helpmeet book prayer changes and protects man. Pray for him each day, make a list of ideas for initiative, but do not nag him whether you want to make this marriage work and YOU are the one who is responsible for making YOUR marriage work. It is your “garden” to plant and till and harvest.