I sure wish I had a good answer to this question! I’ve had to tell a lot of guys “no” recently, and I haven’t done the greatest job of it.

I think it really depends on the guy and how well you know him/what your relationship with him is like. Sorry, I know that’s kind of vague. Here are some examples of how I’ve done it and how it worked out:

Guy #1: (guy from church who is a little younger than me and who I talk to and hang out with in groups with church and other activities) I simply said, “No thanks, I’m not interested.” It was a little awkward because we were in a group of little kids at church and I was trying to be discreet. He took it well and we’re still friends.

Guy #2: (another guy from church (who, at the time, lived a couple hours away) that was VERY interested. We had talked about the possibility of maybe thinking about possibly pursuing a relationship. 🙂 After a few weeks, I decided “no.”) I asked my brother how to handle this one. I wanted to be completely honest with the guy, while being considerate of his feelings. My brother suggested that, because of this guy’s personality and how open (but appropriate 🙂 ) we had been in our conversations and emails, I should lay it out straight and give the guy specific reasons why I did not want to pursue a relationship. I wrote him an email explaining things. I tried to be very clear and give him a couple specific reasons. He replied to my email saying that he would respect my decision and we emailed back and forth once or twice more. For a couple months, he pretty much avoided me at church and didn’t come to any of the usual get-togethers. He also had some rough stuff going on at work during that time, so that could have been part of it. Anyway, he eventually started talking to me again. It was a little awkward at first, but things are pretty much back to normal now.

Guy #3: (a young MARRIED guy at church who came back to live with his parents while he was going through a divorce) Well, um, I had a few choice words for this guy! And I had to convince my (laid back, calm, even-tempered, steady) dad not to inflict any bodily harm on the little pipsqueak. He (the pipsqueak, not my dad!) now disappears into a corner or makes a quick exit whenever I enter the room (literally).

Guy #4: (a friend I’ve known for several months and see at college-age get-togethers a couple times a month) Again, very awkward. I knew he liked me, but definitely didn’t expect him to ask me out. I think I stumbled through something like, “No thanks, I’m not interested. I like you as a friend and it’s nothing personal against you, I’m just not interested…..” It went downhill from there. I tried to change the topic by asking him what he wanted to do when he got out of college. He sighed and said, “Oh, just settle down and start a family.” Um, okay. Awkward! Thankfully, we somehow managed to end the conversation. He sent me an email the next morning apologizing, so I was able to reply and clarify that I wasn’t offended or anything and was just caught off guard. I thought I made things pretty clear, but apparently not, because he asked again a few weeks later. Ugh. I basically told him the same thing again (but more eloquently this time!) and he later wrote me an email apologizing again and said that he was fine with just being friends. I’ve seen him once or twice since then and we pretty much just acted like nothing ever happened, and it didn’t feel awkward, at least for me. (Note: I could have played the “religion card” and told him that I wasn’t interested because he is Catholic. That would have been a lot easier, but I don’t think it’s fair or honest, because, even though that does play into it, I still would not be interested if he were not Catholic.)

Guys #5…….: (all the dudes at college and other things I’m involved in. These dudes range from slimeballs who probably have STDs to nice, clean-cut, moral guys. Some of them I spend a lot of time with due to classes and clubs, and some of them I’ve only spoken to a few times in passing.) Usually a friendly “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not interested,” will suffice. Then I try to change the topic to something like, “So are you coming to ______ this Saturday?” or “How do you think you did on that exam?”

I think it’s important to be considerate of the guy’s feelings. (Well, except in the case of people like dude #3!) It takes guts for them to ask a girl out, or ask if she’d consider a relationship, or approach her dad. It’s only fair to be honest and kind in our response. Obviously, I don’t have this figured out yet! But I’m working on it, and I would love to hear what the other ladies have to say. 🙂