I’m 18 years old, and a girl. Last year in February I realized that God had let me know who I would marry. It was sort of a gradual thing hat began to form the summer before, and it dawned upon my in February that God was telling me I’d marry this boy. It was just something that I know with conviction – the thing is, aside from that, I don’t like him. I know that he’s the sort of godly man who’ll be a great husband and father someday, and we are friends, but I don’t like him more than as a friend. Like I said, it’s been more than a year since I realized, and for the past few months I’ve started having doubts about whether or not I understood God’s message. On top of that, for the past few weeks I’ve begun to like his brother more and more (who is also a great godly man). I picture myself kissing the boy I (think) I’ll someday marry and cringe, but if I picture myself kissing his brother I feel so right and happy. I know I’m young but I honestly want to just follow God’s will for my life, but I don’t know how to tell the difference between a message from God and myself going insane. I feel like I should ask God for a sign but I’m scared about what I’ll be told. if you have any advice I’d really appreciate it.
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Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girl—or at least that’s the way it should be. Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was—how shall I say it—a frustrating learning experience.
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Dear Girl,
I think that, like many of us, you are eager to know exactly who, what, where, when and how “God’s Will” applies to you. Sometimes we are looking so hard for the details that we miss what is most obvious. We look for the magical moment when “God’s Will” will be revealed to us, when we will just KNOW whom we will marry, where we will live, what ‘ministry’ we will work in. But we should be focusing on what we already know, what God has set down in the Bible for us!
If I could sit beside you and advise you for a bit, I would tell you this. Please use extreme caution in the way you are thinking. I believe you are seeing characteristics in this man that are good, and you respect him for having them. They are probably traits that your future husband (whomever he is) will have. But is this man pursuing you? Have your parents discussed the possibility of him marrying you? If not, then with all sincerity, it is not the right time. Step back and wait. If this is the man God has for you, then he surely can make it happen, if you are yielded to him. If, however, he is not, he will also make that clear in time. (Until you are sure whom you will marry, try not to define whom you like by your imagination of what it would be like to kiss them 🙂 )
I hope that I have said all of that clearly, I know how you are feeling about this, and I hope this helps a little. 🙂
Remember, if you are Christ’s child then you are the daughter of the King. You must take every thought captive to Him. Keep and save yourself (body and soul) for your husband. Don’t dwell on those thoughts of you kissing ANYONE.
One thing that I found helpful in my thought life was to ask myself where those (bad or immoral thoughts) came from. Did they come from Satan? or did they come from my flesh? Either way, take them to Jesus, but be sure you don’t claim those “intruding thoughts” from Satan as your own. If you do, you’ll be more likely to act on them than if you recognized them as from the devil.
About it being God’s will: If it’s God’s will for you to marry (this guy or some other), He’ll make it happen and He’ll give you the feelings for him… IN HIS TIME!!!
I don’t know if any of what I said was helpful, but I hope it was.
Press On, sister!
Hello there! i am new on this site but I have read Preparing to be… and it was of great help. However, I have been facing a problem lately. i am 18, and this summer I began to talk to a boy I have known for several months but never got close to. I admired his passion for Christ and his desire to live according to the Lord’s will, but I didn’t let myself think of him more than a brother. But we began to talk on chat, because I was away from home, and after two weeks of deep conversations (and, also, Christ-centered conversations), I asked him where is this relationship going, because the Lord had put on my heart to pray for this, and I needed to have things clear. And he answered and said that he had been praying for it several weeks, and that he believes it is the Lord’s will for us to consider marriage. But he asked me to set some time apart and both pray for it harder, and we did, we stopped talking meanwhile, and then he called my father and told him that he had these intentions and asked for my father’s permission to continue talking to me and starting a friendship relationship that would eventually lead to marriage(he is 24, I am 18). But dad, for reasons I truly understand and appreciate, told him to wait for 6 more years for me to finish college and then consider marriage, and stop communicating with me in the meantime(he is from a different church. too). The think is, yes, we stopped talking for two months now, but now I am sure that he is the boy God wants me to marry with. But I am also confused: why would the Lord tell us so early that He prepared us for each other, and then keep us completely apart for 6 years? How can I be completely certain that it is the Lord’s will and how can I keep myself focused on school and working in His field when I miss this boy so bad? It makes no sense, apparently, to bear this burden now, for several years ahead…so that’s whatmakes me doubt the fact that we truly understood the Lord’s will. But looking back, we both seeked guidance and sincerely prayed and put it before the Lord and He guided our steps. Oh, and my parents do not believe that we received this answer, they say that it is purely our feelings and imagination, but we both know that it is not true. Not knowing his perspective on the matter is pretty difficult, he only told me that he is willing to wait and that he wants to repect my father’s choice and follow our Father’s plan. And I want to honour my parents and obey, and do the Lord’s will above everything else. But what if I know that the lord has given me a path to walk on and they do not understand the same thing?