Question

Posted September 10, 2012

Since I was a little girl my mother told me I was going to be a good submissive wife, and a stay-at-home mommy. I grew up thinking there was no other options for me, and even though that vision was not my own I accepted it as fact. Three years ago God started putting missions own my heart, but I never mentioned it to my parents because at the time my dad was sick and dying of cancer. It was not the time to leave. A little over a year and a half ago my dad passed away. Since then my heart has been yearning for the mission field, and I feel like is nothing other than God’s calling. However, when I mention leaving to my mother she immediately denies that a girl can be called away from home before marriage. She says an unmarried girl must remain under her parents authority until she is married, and even if that weren’t so the world is too dangerous for a 22 year-old woman by herself. She says she supports the idea of me going on short week long mission trips with a pastor friend of ours, but when it comes time to actually go, she manages to find a reason for me to stay at home. ‘Next time’ is becoming common.
The thing holding me back is the covering authority a parent has over a child. Does a mother have the same authority over a child as a father would have if he were present? Do parents have authority over their grown children? If I respect my mothers wishes and stay home, will I be disobeying God’s calling?

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  1. Dreamer Gal

    Respect her, but follow God’s calling in the end. You’re 22.

    # September 11, 2012

  2. Anna May

    Just curious… How old are you

    # September 11, 2012

  3. Beth

    Just an on-the-side-note I’m Beth. Add another letter or number to your name. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m just trying to avoid confusion.

    # September 11, 2012

  4. Katie G.

    Are you paying for the trip yourself? Do you provide for yourself? If you are still under your mother’s roof and she is providing for you fully I would say you are still under her authority, whether you should be or not. If you are not yet providing for yourself, maybe you should consider that option. Parents should not be forcing a 22-yr-old to stay at home. So maybe before you beg to go on a missions trip, you should see if she will let you get a job? I don’t know your whole situation though!

    # September 13, 2012

  5. Kelsey Marie

    The whole stay-at-home daughter thing can be so restraining to those who God has called to not stay at home! Girls who God might want actively serving Him somewhere besides their local county are being hindered from it. And I really can’t stand to see a young woman at home without even a ministry or job, or something to keep her busy at all and supposing it’s God’s will… whether a young woman stays at home or not, I believe God wants her to be actively involved in helping others. Perhaps you could explain gently to your mom that you feel God’s calling (and pray before you do this, too). If she still acts negetively, and you are sure that this is the Lord’s will, I’d say go anyway. It would be her that’s sinning if she is preventing you from following God, right? of course, I would do my best to stay sweet and NOT get mad at her, just state the facts. Okay, well, that’s my opinion on this! God bless, no matter what you do!

    # September 13, 2012

  6. Anna Grace

    Beth,
    The Pearls addressed this issue in some articles a few years ago. Here are the links for the articles: http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/cloistered-homeschool-syndrome/
    http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/patriarchal-dysfunctional-families-part-2/
    http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/the-balanced-patriarch/
    Hope these help!

    # September 14, 2012

  7. liera

    You are 22, you should have a job, so you should have some money to do as you please. The Bible does not say that children should remain at home until the are wed. What a drag for parents, I can’t wait til’ my boys are grown, my husband and I will have all sorts of fun around the house without worrying about the kids! I understand that your mom feels lonely, but you also need to grow and serve God. Maybe your mama could go with you., and have some adventures of her own? Also, there is no biblical principal that supports that God specifically talks to everyone in specific mandates. The bible does say in 2Timothy 3 that we should consider the scriptures. The bible also says that all should be giving the gospel of Christ, so this is not a specific call to a few people. You may have a specific call, but I think you wouldn’t be so torn if God was literally talking to you. Ask your mom for scripture supporting her argument, and then you show her scripture supporting your argument for sharing the gospel with the world. If she is still upset, I would tell her you love her, and move out supporting yourself. Still contact her and be her loving daughter and friend. You can’t do as she says all the time, you will be bored to death and nothing will get done in your life!

    # December 18, 2012