Hello!

I know what you mean: my answer is – don’t make any moves to try to get his attention, or let him know you’re ‘available’. That is a major turn-off for men; as it takes the wind out of their sails, and sets the tone for the entire relationship – girl initiates, man follows – instead of the other way around.

BUT – let me clarify a bit. If you’ve read Debi’s story, you know she was pretty direct with Mr. Pearl (!). But, 1) she had heard the Holy Spirit tell her whom she was to marry, 2) she did NOT act assumptive with him right after she received the news – she prayed for him, and 3) she acted ONLY after a solid friendship was established and he showed very obvious interest (i.e. taking her hand when he NEVER did things like that).

I got married last year, and I have asked my husband this question, because I had the exact same question as you! My husband is a steady, and it took him a long time (or what seemed like it!) to ask me to begin courtship. I KNEW he was interested, but he wouldn’t take the next step. I learned later that he had some concerns about our age difference (he is 11 years older than me), which is why he hesitated (he was being thoughtful about what would be best for me!) I just mention this because it shows that guys typically have a reason for holding back. He also said that he would have felt a real let-down if I had (essentially) proposed to him without him giving me a signal, kind of like the disappointment one feels when they were going to announce something, and someone else did it first.

Now – I would like to offer a caution to you (please don’t take this as an insult, just a gentle caution). I have seen young ladies who spend a lot of time waiting (by ‘waiting’ I mean half-hearted, literally not involved in anything and pretty much being lazy) for Mr. Right, ‘praying’ that God will bring the right guy, and not working/cultivating skills because they ‘want to get married’ and ‘be ready’ for when Prince Charming knocks on their front door. Praying for your future husband, marrying a good guy, and starting a family are all admirable, good things. But be careful not to make it the focal point of your life; because if you do, you are making an idol out of the state of marriage, and God will not bless that – He wants to be your perfect Bridegroom and Lover of your soul. Singlehood is a precious time of drawing near to God. Also – keep in mind that your idea of Mr. Right might not be who God has in mind for you. I thought I would probably marry a King……I married a Priest. But I see that (shock) God knew best, and I wouldn’t trade my beloved for anyone.

That said – stay active and learn as much as you can! Establish good communication with the Lord (i.e. pray a lot – it can be a challenge to find time after marriage, and you’ll want to have good habits now!) Practice joy, especially around your siblings and parents. Strive to be the woman the man you want would marry. If you focus on your relationship with God, work hard, and cultivate good friendships with people, I’m guessing it won’t be too long before some young man notices you, and shows interest. Then, pray – and God will give you wisdom on how to respond to the man. But let the man initiate the interest – you just be your joyful, happy, and diligent self, and respond as the Lord leads.

I hope this was helpful, and not too overwhelming!!! I am praying for you! 🙂

God bless you.