Posted March 31, 2014


I just got married recently, and I have an odd question that maybe you all can help me with.

I have a friend who was interested in the man who is now my husband. What happened was kind of like this: we were all friends, then she started liking him and he started liking me. I was a bit stuck, because unless I became rude to him or something, I couldn’t change how he felt about me. I tried to remain neutral, and he began showing more interest in me, but my friend saw it, and I am sure suspected that I was manipulating the situation somehow to make him like me.

At times, I tried to move away so that they could just talk together, but he kept pursuing me. I prayed about the situation a lot, and asked God to show me what to do, and to put it briefly, God began leading me in the direction of this young man. Several months later, he asked to start courting me. My friend had felt that God wanted her to let go of the situation, and told me a month or so earlier, so I told him yes. Long story short, he and I got married.

But, I don’t think she was being totally honest with me, because she never talks to me anymore unless bare minimum politeness demands. She ignores me if possible, and I don’t know what to do. She seemed OK with it when I told her initially, and acted like she wanted to know all about it. I specifically went to her and explained how caught in the middle I felt, and how I wanted to maintain our friendship, but – I knew she could be hurt by it, and wanted to be upfront with her.

I just want to know how I can still be a friend to her. I want to be there for her, but she puts me off. I’m currently leaving her alone, but it’s not healthy. She is also putting off another mutual friend who got married at the same time as me. The one thing I do know is that she is kind of consumed with getting married, and I and my other friend weren’t. Maybe that has something to do with it? Please let me know if there is anything I can do; she is cutting herself off from people.


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  1. swifttohear - the author of this post.

    Let her cut herself off. She needs time to heal.

    You did the right thing, and now your time and energy should be directed toward pleasing your husband. Love him and keep him happy without bothering him with the “what if’s” of your former relationship. Part of being married is to learn to live for and with a man, not a woman (even though she’s just a friend).

    Sometimes we, as women, are prone to creating drama where none is. Just leave it alone. If it’s the Lord’s will, she will come back to you when she’s ready. Love her and support her just the same as always. In the meantime, focus on being the awesome wife that God made you!

    # June 19, 2014

    • psalm139

      Thank you for your response; I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I will take your advice, and keep praying about it, and not let it detract or distract from my relationship with my husband. Thanks so much; your answer was very helpful and encouraging!

      # October 14, 2014