Posted July 16, 2012

I’m a 32 year old african woman who have renewed her walk of Faith with my God. I wasnt always keen on getting married because of what is happening around me, divorces, abuse, the fear of being hurt after the experiences Ive had with being involved in ungodly relationships
But I’ve come to learn that marriage is a beautiful covenant created by God and I will like to get married to a God fearing man, who will walk this life with me, a man to whom I can submit to. A man who will be able to provide for me. I have been praying for such a man for a while now.

As an only child to a single mom, I have been raised to be a fiercely independent woman, am currently a breadwinner in my family and I have a fear that i might meet a man that i may have to support as well and I want to be provided for.

My questions:
(1) how does a man like that find me?What I understand from the bible is that a man finds a woman, and I can not go looking for a husband, he has to find me.

(2) I have read an extract of Mrs Debi Pearl’s book: “Created to be his Help Meet”, and from that I understand that a woman is meant to be a helper, supposed to raise the kids, take care of the home etc, but we live in the times whereby every thing is expensive and the men, dont earn enough to be able to support his parents, his sisters’ kids (as is the norm in most african families) and raise his own family. I have to work to help support our family and give our kids the best we can. I wont be able to stay at home that way.

(3) Another issue Mrs Debbie touched on is the wife’s mom interfering in her daughter’s marriage, granted, that happens, but what about the wife’s inlaws? The bible say the man leaves his family and joins with his wife and the two become one. But in our african culture, the woman is married so she can leave with her inlaws and serve them, for a while.

I want a husband that will marry me for himself, and not for his family.


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  1. Beth

    I’m currious, what would happen to your family if you left them? We were raised to be responsible adults. Self reliant. My sister just got married she has a child from a previous relationship and the three of them still live in my parent’s home. They could do whithout eachother, I think. He works two jobs and she is also working. My parents are definitly independant, finantially. However my brother-in-law, if he were to move away there would be difficulty in my mother’s handling the buisness herself, my dad is helpless. Physically she could not handle it. They would have to sell it. I guess all I’m trying to say is that everyone would survive if the families separated. Would yours? Maybe you need to prepare them for a new reality that may come one day. I realize that this is your culture but what if the man you marry takes you away. It could be just the two of you for a while, until children come. Traditions and cultures do get broken or changed from time to time. I’m sure you would not be the first. I hope this isn’t upseting to you. You sound like you want to break free of the world you are in and be alone with the man God sends your way.

    # August 21, 2012

  2. liera

    The Bible says that when a man and woman marry that are to leave their parents and cleave unto each other. Debi Pearl does not claim that a parent of a bride should be involved in the life of a married couple, in fact, the whole book provides scriptures that a wife should be obedient to her husband and not anyone else, because this is a picture of Christ being obedient to God the father. You should read all of Debi’s book before quoting it. If you want a husband, and want to obey God, read the scriptures to learn yourself on God’s way of marriage. There is no right or wrong cultural way to have a good marriage, the only way that is truly blissful is God’s way. If you are a wife and mother, the Bible says a wife should be a keeper at home. If you disobey, you are disobeying the word of God. The Bible does not say “work to take care of your relatives children”. My husband and I have many children, have no debt, give to charity, have plenty in savings, and make less than $28,000 a year. We are considered a low income level family in America, but we live in perfect comfort and wealth. I do not think we are poor, I think we are abundantly blessed! I have friends who make triple the amount we do, but have no money, they have poor spending habits. We buy all organic food, and buy quality products for our family, and live in a nice clean home with 4 bedrooms. You can do it, but it seems you don’t want to obey? I hope you are blessed, you sound like a strong and caring woman!

    # December 19, 2012

  3. liera

    If you had a husband who demands you work, then go to work, but since you are not married, I did not mention that. I am sure though, you would want a husband who obeys God, and thus would pick a man who wants a wife to stay at home.

    # December 19, 2012