Posted April 14, 2011

Let’s start this week by reading through chapter 5 and then I want you to look up the phrase in subjection in your Bible. The word subjection means, to put under or subdue to be in obedience, submitting oneself to another; to be enclosed or shut up in a place; to be bound by the law. It is also translated: submit, subject, submitting, obey, obedient, obedience, put under, subdue. For those of you that really want to learn this, follow all these words through the bible, it is amazing what you will learn. We all {if you plan on getting married} will need to know this.


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  1. Shalom (Staff) - posted the original question.

    Ice Breaker: Describe the perfect boss in four words or less. {note: girls you can comment under a comment so as to keep it all together then for each new question that is ask anwser under that comment. That way we keep things together that are under the same subject. thanks

    # April 14, 2011

    • Shalom (Staff) - posted the original question.

      Forgiving, generous, organized and a hard worker. Note: Use the reply button under the comment to comment on a comment.

      # April 14, 2011

      • Melody Grubb

        Kind, gentle, firm, and joyful.

        # April 15, 2011

      • Laura

        Wise, A good leader, Organized, Kind.

        # April 17, 2011

    • Caralee

      Wise, caring, comfortable and confident in letting you learn, and knows from experience what it means to be in submission to those above him/her .

      Okay that was not four words, but it was four concepts. That counts doesn’t it? 🙂

      # April 14, 2011

      • Kait

        Good communicator, someone I respect, patient and a hard worker.

        # April 15, 2011

    • Hannah L.

      Honest, diligent, encouraging, and a good communicator.

      # April 15, 2011

      • CJ

        Good communicator, friendly, easy to talk to, and patient. It’s very important (to me) 🙂 that they’re easy to talk to!

        # April 16, 2011

      • Desiring Moderation

        Gracious, not overbearing, organized, and hard working.

        # April 17, 2011

    • Faith Grubb

      Understanding, Wise, Knowledgeable and with initiative.

      These first three are the ones I am praying for in my husband whichever type he is (I’m a Go-to) and now the last!

      # April 15, 2011

      • swifttohear

        My posts keep bouncing back in cyber-space! But, everyone’s giving great answers, so they’re irrelevant now anyway! 🙂

        # April 19, 2011

        • Shalom (Staff) - posted the original question.

          Caralee said she had this same problem, I told the computer guy. I am so sorry. I told Caralee that I write in word then copy and paste, so if it does not go through I can do it again and not lose my writing. Thank you for all your help in answering question, please don’t stop. shalom

          # April 19, 2011

  2. Bethany M.

    Gentle, encouraging, hard working and is fun to be around! 🙂

    # April 15, 2011

    • Noelle

      gentle, understanding, good communicator, hard working

      # April 20, 2011

  3. Shalom (Staff) - posted the original question.

    A king! We all know a few of these types, but would you want to be married to one? They are the young men that we girls notice at church get-togethers, they make things happen, get the games going. They seem to be the handsome ones too, is not that strange, at least the ones I know. We have more than our share of king type men in our neck of the woods. Laugh. So the wife of a king must learn to serve/submit to him with honor and a cheerful heart. So from what you read in the book and the word study, how do you submit with joy?

    # April 18, 2011

    • Caralee

      Oh! Shalom! This is where I can really share, since I truly know something about the king type.

      My husband is a king!!!! I was raised by a steady man, but it is definitely different to being around a king. The interesting thing was before about 2 years ago, he always acted as if he was a steady guy, but once, after God’s leading, I gave up leadership in our home, he came out of his shell and took his place as a King type . This really surprised me and has required alot of learning and adjustment on my part.

      Initially, I wrote a really long long post, but I decided instead to just list points so it is shorter. If anyone wants an elaboration of any of the points, please feel free to ask and I will go into more detail. My points seem simple enough, but there is way more depth in each of these points. They are very straight forward, but applying them as a woman is a whole other thing.

      How to serve and submit to a kingly type with honor and cheerfulness?
      1) First of all, I have had to reread your Mom’s book on the kingly type to keep encouraging me in clearly understanding what my husband is like and how to serve him with honor and joy.

      2) I am learning to know my role and responsibilities. My husband is the boss, and I am his help meet (not the other way around 🙂 ).

      3) I have to maintain high standards for my home management, homeschooling, and my cooking because my husband, a King, likes things done in completion with excellence. He holds me to high standards in all that I do.

      4) My husband is very possessive of my attention and time, and so I am learning to organize and manage my time well with a focus on serving him, while being very selective and purposeful in the activities I choose to enjoy or be involved in (..even to the point of cutting activities both outside the home or inside my home. )

      5) I must control my emotions at all times, and give up childish behaviors and attitudes. I must be cheerful and kind in my actions, my face, and my tone of voice.

      6) Give my husband a good positive report of our day no matter what happened so he sees I truly am being a good manager of our home and a consistent and solid trainer/educator of our children. He does not want to have to worry about what happens at home while he is at work. He wants a capable wife at home who is productive, efficient, and effective in all that she does.

      7) I am learning to be happy, content, and thankful in whatsoever state I am in.

      8) I have had to choose to be happy on a daily basis no matter what occurs or what I have to deal with.

      9) I have learned to laugh and enjoy him as my playmate and take interest in his work and interests. I am learning to talk less about myself now.

      10) I allow him to do what he wants when he wants, and not require him to be with me all the time.

      11) I gave up the whole equality argument a long time ago.

      12) I am to ask my husband what I should do and think about in regards to numerous topics and not ask my parents. (Shalom – this is why I wanted to know about your relationship with your mother. I have had to grow up and change in this area…an area of struggle and loss for me.)

      13) He wants me to obey him even if I think I have a better idea or way. This makes an enormous difference in the training of our children.

      14) He likes us to be on the same page on everything. This has not been easy as we have had our own strong ideas about certain subjects; both of our ideas are good and solid, but at times very different. Coming into unity has been a huge learning experience for us.

      15) I don’t discuss things in front of the children that I feel need to be addressed. I do this in private.

      16) If I plan on discussing things with him, I come prepared having thought about the situation ahead of time with good solutions.

      17) I enter a discussion with him thinking we are on the same side wanting the same end result. = unity/team mentality. I don’t enter an appeal or discussion to get my way or to have an argument.

      18) In making an appeal, I decide ahead of time that I will not get offended if things don’t go my way. My aim is unity, not getting my way.

      19) I do alot of praying ahead of time discussing things with my husband. Often God works on him for me.

      20) Thankfully, my husband is great in that he will read a book or article or listen to a cd that I ask him to read or listen to so it helps us get unified in or to do better in an area.

      21) Often, I have learned to just be quiet, and not bring up my desires, my concerns or a situation because I know there is no solution in the present or I just need to wait, pray, and see what happens in the coming months.

      I am sure there is more to say. I look forward to hearing what others have to say.

      # April 18, 2011

      • Rebecca H.

        Great list on being a good help meet for the kingly types (and some applies to the other types as well)!!

        # April 18, 2011

      • swifttohear

        These are great, Caralee! Thank you for the reminders!

        # April 19, 2011

  4. Kait

    My dad and one of my brothers are both kings. They can be so stubborn about the silliest things! But once you submit to them, most often they really don’t even care what you do. It is simply that they have to be in charge.

    For example, I say “Let’s do it this way.” They say “No, that won’t work.” I say “Are you sure, because …”. They start to get mad, I agree to do it their way. They say something like “You can do it your way if you want, it really doesn’t matter.” Created to be a Help Meet was a huge help to my mom, whose relatives told her to divorce this “horrible husband.” He expects three square meals a day served on time that look and taste good (and he is picky!), then sits back in his chair while us ladies do the dishes. Sometimes he will even order my teenage brothers in there to help while he watches. I have learned a lot from serving them! Although I don’t want to marry a command man, I think that I am very prepared if that is my fate!

    # April 18, 2011

  5. Bekah

    I do not know if I could ever marry a Kingly man, and with all honesty, and not attracted to that sort…it seems to be the Priestly men I am drawn too, because they make me feel secure or stable.

    However, by practicing submitting to my father now, with joy (joy is a choice, by the way!), I will be in “good shape” should the time come to submit to another man. 🙂

    # April 18, 2011

  6. Olivia

    Listens, thinks outside the box, doesn’t give up easily, and not easily offended.

    # April 18, 2011

  7. Hannah L.

    I think something that could help me to be in subjection with joy when I get married is to remember that even Jesus is in subjection to the Father: “And when all things shall be subdued unto him, then shall the Son also himself be subject unto him that put all things under him, that God may be all in all” (1 Corinthians 15:28). Jesus calls me, when I become a wife, to be subject to my husband the way all believers are to submit to Him: “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing” (Ephesians 5:24). Clearly, being in subjection to someone is not degrading, but honorable. It is so good to get myself in the frame of mind now, before marriage, that when I marry, I’m promising to obey this man. That’s just all there is to it.

    My brother, two years younger than me, is a King, and I can be Queenly sometimes, but we get along really well (most of the time;) ). I’ve noticed, as Caralee said, that he does appreciate cheerfulness from me (even if he’s grouchy), and also identify with what Kait said about a King wanting to feel “in charge” by the way I speak to him and respond to him, but not necessarily demanding that it always be actually done his way. Also, I’ve learned not to be offended when he calls me out bluntly on something he thinks I’m doing wrong—he’s often right—and he usually doesn’t mind if I do the same to him. He values up-front-ness, if I do it without making him feel that I’m the superior and he’s the child.

    King’s are exciting, and being married to one is an adventure I’d be up for. 🙂 Great to hear the experiences you all have had and the wisdom you’ve gained!

    # April 18, 2011

  8. swifttohear

    Doing that word search you suggested, Shalom, was so rewarding! Isn’t it amazing how much we have to learn from the Bible? It’s endless, and so exciting!

    My husband and I are predominately King/Queen types, but we both have a good smattering of other traits, as well. The great thing was, we were on the same page in most, if not all, things from the start. We are incredibly similar. I think that no matter what your personality type may be, we are all called to submit to Christ, and by so doing, any differences will diminish. If you want to be like-minded with a husband who is dissimilar, then be heirs together of the grace of life, and enjoy the blessings that God will pour out on your marriage. When you submit to the Word of God, everything else falls into place!

    The wonderful thing about being married to a king, is that you never have to worry about making big decisions! You get to relax and let him be himself. 🙂

    # April 19, 2011

  9. Shalom (Staff) - posted the original question.

    Thank you so much for all the insight Caralee that was a great list. Hannah that was so true that submitting is an honor, and the blessing that comes when one submits their own will, is amazing indeed.

    # April 19, 2011

  10. Noelle

    I would love to marry a king! I am a servant type and one of my brothers is a king. I would love to marry someone with similar qualities to his.

    # April 20, 2011

  11. Melody G

    Thank you, married ladies, for your words of wisdom!
    I’ve learned a lot about living with a Kingly type, with my younger brother. At age 15 he is already asserting himself strongly and will not be pushed around by his (older) sisters! At the same time, however, there is a gentle side to him that I can bring out by understanding and respecting him and his desires. This is not always easy, and I am learning daily how to be a good sister for him and not smother his kingly traits.
    My father, even though he is mainly a Steady, has been showing more kingly traits in recent years and I am learning to submit joyfully to his decisions for the family that I don’t particularly agree with. After all, I’m still living in his house! He is also very particular about how and when meals are prepared, how his working clothes are done, and also very protective of his girls (he has 4 of them, so he has to be pretty commanding so that he’s not overrun!:).
    To submit joyfully, then, is to me to have a joyful attitude, to be very flexible, and to give up my own desires. Like some of you said, it’s very much like our relationship with God. He wants our full attention and is very jealous. But if we submit joyfully to Him, He rewards us greatly.

    # May 21, 2011

  12. Melissa

    submission is such a beautiful thing. I just wonder, can it be so “by the book” always?

    I read the first Created six years ago and it changed my life, my heart and my marriage. Or I guess what I should say is that GOD changed my heart, my life and my marriage. I am a new person! My heart is to love my husband and to honor him. He is a very kingly/ visionary combo of a man. He can be quite the jerk sometimes, to speak frankly. I love him. Yet, I sometimes find it difficult to practically live out submission with a good attitude ALL the time.

    I go out of my way all the time to bend over backwards for him and yet it often feels that it is not enough. If I make a cake, and it lacks in perfection, he will tell me how to correct the cake.

    Yet, that’s just him. When I make something wonderful, he will brag on the meal for days to everyone that comes over.

    If I do something well, he really praises me well.

    So what can I do? I often feel tired of always trying to please him. I feel I have forgotten what I like, what I want and everything in general related to myself except for taking care of our 4 kids and him…and he is much more difficult to “take care of”. He often gives me “work” to do as his “secretary” and he depends on my help to do many different tasks related to his job…which is in ministry.

    any ideas on how it can be a little easier?

    # May 22, 2011

    • Caralee


      I understand where you are coming from. My husband is like yours, and I often feel like you. It can be frustrating and at time hurtful when these things happen. This is a recent area that I am learning about, and I in no way have it figured out, but here is what I can share with you thus far. (Now at this point, I want to say that I am speaking about men who are really good Kingly or Command men who do not put their wives down because they just want to dominate them etc. I am referring to men who sincerely love their wives and want to help them. If your husband is a mean man who likes hurting and putting his wife down then that is another discussion for another post.)

      The fact that or men correct us when we do something wrong or point out our mistakes and try to help us, and then on the other hand, praise us for days after we do something amazing…is just who they are. That is their Kingly temperament. This is their personality. They are the ones who get things done…and efficiently. They are usually very bright and capable men. So be relieved with this realization.

      Secondly, they have high standards for their family and those they work with. They expect their wives to be just as good, smart, and capable as themselves. They see the potential for excellence in us and know we are capable of this standard, and so they desire to help us to achieve it. They also want us to desire this standard.

      I would suggest you reread the portion of the chapter where it describes a Kingly or Command man in Created to Be an Helpmeet. Read it slowly and carefully. You will see that Debi talks about this exact thing there. This is what has helped me so much recently in understanding my husband and how to handle my myself in these situations you share about.

      So here are some things I have learned to do:

      When my husband corrects me or talks to me about something I was doing poorly or wrong, I chose to listen and hear him out. Instead of getting defensive, I evaluate what he says with what I am actually doing. This allows me to see that he is very observant, discerning, and knows where my lack of skill or character is. Again, at this point, I have to keep myself from getting defensive. I see that my husband sincerely wants to help me become a better wife and mother with solid skills and character in all that I do and am. So I admit to myself that I need to change and grow ( a humbling moment). I take his idea and begin to apply it. More often than not, it is just what I needed to do to help me improve myself. If I find that his idea is not completely helping me, I go back to him and ask him to help me more by sharing more detail about my situation in order fro him to have a clearer understanding. Then he gives me another solution that is more suited to my needs and specific situation. This process really helps me to be a much better wife and mother….and he is much happier too.

      In relationship to the previous point, I am also learning not to get offended with how my husband actually tells me my error and needed improvement. Kingly type of men are very confident and not full of much emotion. They will speak bluntly. Instead of getting hurt because my husband comes across as “sounding” unkind or lacking gentleness or cold, I am learning to not take this personally. It is just how he talks. I think I can use a bit of toughening up, so I ignore this as much as possible.

      If it is an important concern or topic and we don’t see eye to eye on something or I know he will not be in agreement with me at the beginning, I first pray ahead of time that we will both be open to listening to one another and to understanding each other’s side. I then choose a good time to talk to him about it where we have time to discuss and are not rushed, nor are the children around to interrupt us or cause distractions. I also do enough research to find solid points to back my opinion. My husband does not like weak reasons for things …and rightly so. I also am careful in how I frame my opinion when I talk to him. I don’t make it a you vs me discussion, but rather I frame it as an us trying to solve a problem or situation. I work at trying not to have my way. Having my way is not the purpose. The purpose to solve the problem. And lastly, we try to be united on everything. Read about how to make an appeal from Created to Be an Helpmeet (I think it is around page 208).

      Another idea I have had is if my husband comments on something I have cooked that did not turn out, and he tries to help me improve it, but I see his idea won’t work because he is lacking his own skill and knowledge on the topic, I still listen to him. I allow him to talk. I share with him what I have learned thus far in regards to making this dish. We often have a further discussion about it. I decide to see him taking an interest in me and my activities rather than a negative viewpoint that cause me to be offended and hurt. Sometimes, this discussion goes no where in the end. And sometimes, he will put forth a grain of truth that I forgot or did not notice when making that dish etc. The thing is I have respected his opinion and heard him out. I don’t stress about the fact that he had to give his opinion or his idea. I don’t stress about the fact that he wanted to help me. I don’t get upset that he pointed out that what I did was done poorly or wrong. I don’t’ take offense. I don’t tell him that his ideas are not good or useful. I don’t put him down. Then I go off on my own and figure out what to do to improve that dish or whatever I did not do well at.
      Another thing is because my husband is very interested in all I do and become, I involve him in everything. We discuss decorating our home, cooking, cleaning, child training, my wardrobe (my husband is actually a much classier dresser than I am and is better at coordinating clothes and colors together than I am), my garden, my hobbies….everything. Yes, at times, it can be annoying, but I choose to have a cheerful attitude in regards to this. I choose to appreciate his concern and interest in me. And I actually learn a lot from him and our home is our home (not my home).
      Another thing is I really work on trying to do better in the areas that he points out to me to improve. He does not point these weak areas out to me to get on my nerves or to show I am less than him, but rather (as I said before) to help me become a woman of excellence in all that I do. I study more, I try to create that dish once again as the recipe says, I research more to find out why my dish did not work, etc….

      Lastly, you say, “I feel I have forgotten what I like, what I want and everything in general related to myself except for taking care of our 4 kids and him” I too have recently felt these feelings. To overcome them, I first remember that I am my husband’s helpmeet. I am his wife to help him…not myself, nor to be the boss. Secondly, I reflect on what he does allow me to make decisions on, and where I have freedom of likes and wants, and I see I have more room than I once thought to move and grow in, and I see my husband is not as controlling as I was thinking. Yes, there are guidlelines that we have both agreed upon that I abide by, but within these guidlelines, I see he often gives me the tools I need to do things, he spoils me a lot, and likes to fulfill my dreams – all because I honor him by being his helpmeet. I also acknowledge the fact that he also prizes my opinion and wisdom in regards to his work and activities he is involved in because I have won his heart through honoring him and being the helpmeet he wants me to be,. I then realize I am feeling sorry for myself and so I stop my attitude and change it immediately to a thankful and cheerful spirit.

      You also say, “he is much more difficult to “take care of”. He often gives me “work” to do as his “secretary” and he depends on my help to do many different tasks related to his job…which is in ministry.” Yes, these Kingly types are lot of work! I couldn’t agree with you more. They require much more from us than the other types of men. But they are our men – the men we have chosen to marry and love. So we need to adapt ourselves and live up to the standard they require even if it means more work for us, and much more character building of ourselves. em even if it means more work. As I alluded in the previous paragraph, you are his wife which means you are his helpmeet. If he needs your help, cheerfully help him. Do all you can to help him. Learn to be more efficient in managing you home so you have time to help him with his work. Be creative and resourceful. If you are finding that you don’t have enough time to manage the home and help him with his work, then talk to him about it. Tell him your concerns and struggles. If he is a great man as you say he is, then he will be reasonable and help you out. Ask him what is most important to him that you should do…whether that be you caring for the home, or you helping him with his work. If he says the home, then suggest to him that he should get a secretary to take on these activities that you do so you can manage the home more efficiently. If he wants you to help him with his work, then suggest to him that you could have some help from a young lady or a house maid to ease your work at home. Be adaptable. Work with him. Be cheerful. Don’t see it as a chore. You are serving him and thus your family. You are setting a good example for your children for their future and their character. Enjoy the fact that your husband loves to be involved with you, that he wants you to be a woman of excellence, and wants you to be highly involved with him.

      Reread Created to Be an Help Meet again. Read it slowly and careful with these concerns you have in mind. Ask God to show you how to improve and do better as your husband’s help meet. You will be amazed with the wonderful wisdom and helpful ideas you will glean from the book that will help you with these exact areas you are dealing with. That is what helped me.

      # May 24, 2011