Hello Faith,

This is a very important question to ask. And one only a few wise ladies ask prior to marriage. Most women are only able to reflect back and wish they could do over parts of their lives.

First I would like to say that when a lady is single she has wonderful opportunities to do many many things. I agree with refineddirt that it is important to mind the things of the Lord at this time. A single woman has a lot of free time to do things and does not have to divide her time out in raising children, nor being a helpmeet to her husband. But, I also think it is important to prepare yourself as much as you are able in all areas of the home too as most ladies get married which I believe is God’s plan, and need to have these skills ready and waiting ready for that time. I personally believe it is foolish not to be prepared in this way for most of us will get married, and it is our ministry as wives. We often get prepared for a job or church ministry, but carelessly prepare for marriage. Also, if you don’t get married, you have these many skills to use in helping others.

When I was a single woman, I spent much of my time between getting my nursing diploma and voluntarily serving in the church playing piano, singing, teaching Sunday school and helping with the youth group, serving at events, etc. I should have focused on building up my piano and singing skills as those are my talent areas in terms of church ministry rather than teaching Sunday school or helping out in youth (which I think should be left to older adults to do, but that is another topic). I am all for trying out different areas of ministry a time or two, but it is not wise to continue to do those things that you are not good at. Furthermore, you will not be as effective in the areas you should be doing because you are spread out too thin. Also, when you fill positions that you are not good at, you will not be very effective and will have taken up the place that God wants or leads another person to do. Lastly, there are some areas that we as women should not fill due to the way God has structured authority.

Another area I wish I had focused on was gaining practical skills for home making. I wish I had learned how to cook well, how to handle a grocery budget, how to manage my time better and not get distracted (as I am a creative type of girl), how to sew well, how to knit and crochet well, how to grow a really successful garden year after year, how to preserve food, etc. All these things and more, I have had to learn on my own when I was married and had children, and I am continuing to learn. It really has taken much time and energy on my part and time from my family to learn these skills while trying to be a good help meet to my husband and care, train, and teach my children. If I had learned these things before, I could have spent that time and energy focused on what was needed which was learning to be really wonderful wife and mother and all that entails. And having these skills, it would have helped me be a much better help meet to my husband as I would be able to manage our money, food, clothes, etc better.

In terms of dating – I will encourage my children to pray, watch and wait for the one person they are to marry, and avoid bringing in MUCH unnecessary baggage into their marriage. When they do find Mr. or Mrs. Right, I will encourage them to hold themselves back from giving too much physical touch to this person until married. In terms of engagement, I will encourage a very short one – definitely less than 6 months. I will be encouraging my sons to get their education and employment and skills men should have, and hopefully be financially set up, before getting married. For my daughters, I will encourage them to get the home skills they need in being a wife and mother, along with building up their talents and other areas of interest. Having said this, if they do find their spouse early on, for example – while in college, I will encourage them to have a short engagement and get married all in less than 6 months. And afterward, my husband and I will help them out as much as we are able to help them get established as a married couple.
Another thing I wish I knew was understanding the Bible like I am learning it now. I could have avoided so much confusion, fear, selfishness, foolishness, and I could have had a real understanding of the Word which would have helped me so much in making decisions and living a much more vibrant Christian life that pleased God and would be a much more effective and powerful witness of the LIFE that God can give to others. I am very thankful to Michael and Debi Pearl for the Bible teaching my family has received through their ministry. It has and continues to change my own life and those of my family in such miraculous ways. We have had a real revival in our home in the last 10 years. We are being freed from many false teachings that have foolishly bound us up and caused problems in our lives .

The last thing I wish I had learned when I was single is the importance of being a help meet and what that really and truly entails. I have been listening to M. Pearl’s teaching in the Ephesians Cd, and boy, the information I am learning from the Eph 5:22-24 section is sooo good, but so challenging. I have grown up with a great lack in my understanding in this area which has caused me to struggle greatly in my character and the area of sacrifice as a help meet and mother. Thankfully, God has chipped away a little layer of my selfishness at a time through learning his Word and in being a wife and mother at a time over the last 10 years. I am much more beautiful now than I was when young, and I know I am being set free by obeying His Word. I had a good role model of what a mother and wife was when I was young, but the teaching on this topic I received was partly correct and only on a superficial level. Furthermore, it was mixed up with feministic ideas which added selfish problems. There were no books I knew of or could get a hold of that could help me. I only came to know the NGJ ministry until I had been married for about 10 years after being desperate for help in my child training ( I have now been married for almost 18 years), and the CTBaHM book was not written until recent years which I am thankful to have one and learn from.

Because of our experience, my husband and I will be raising our daughters and sons with this knowledge as mind in ensuring they get a much better start in their life as Christians and adults than we did.

I hope in being transparent and share what I have learned will help you younger ladies to have much food for thought that will inspire you to do all you are able in being prepared for your future adult lives and marriages.

Caralee