Posted July 15, 2012

To make a very long story, very short.

There is a young lady that I have met about 9 months ago and our friendship has been getting closer and closer. About a month after meeting her, I have decided to keep our friendship growing and have decided to pursue her. It seemed like from the very beginning we connected really well and there seemed to be an attraction on both ends.

A few days ago I have decided to spill the beans and tell the girl how I feel about her and offer to court her if the feelings are mutual and just in case they weren’t, then I decided that it would be best to split our ways. I was very confident that our feelings were mutual. All the signs were there. To my surprise she was very shocked to hear that from me and told me she couldn’t give me an answer.

After further talking she asked me if it’s possible to like somebody without knowing it after I told her why I thought our feelings were mutual. I was kinda stumped and confused. My understanding is that you either like someone or you don’t. I told her that I will give her time and space for as long as she needs to decide.

I of course have been praying for this for months and have never felt so confident about pursuing a young lady. But this question has me quite puzzled honestly. Maybe somebody can break it down for me. Thank you and God bless you for taking the time 🙂


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  1. Bethany the Dreamer

    A girl’s emotions (at least mine) change from week to week, or even day to day depending on the circumstances. She may have just liked you as a friend, or (as bad as it sounds) liked the attention you gave her as a friend. Girls have emotional needs that are met through conversation and attention. There are a few guys I am good friends with, and it would take me by surprise if they wanted to pursue me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t like them- it just means I haven’t thought of them in that way and need some time to adjust. The good news is that girls are very good at changing their minds. Right now you need to earn her respect and admiration. Don’t try to do this by talking to her or being with her, though. She will be intently watching how you interact with others, how you spend your money, if you are comfortable with kids. Hate to break it to you, but since she knows you pretty well and wasn’t romantically attached, she’ll probably be picking apart your faults and asking herself if she can live with that. If you flirt with other girls, drive too fast, or wear clothes from the early ’90s. If you are horrible at playing guitar, or if you have lived in a trailer for the past several years, or like reading the New International Perversion. If she’s head over heels in love with you she won’t care about this stuff but it doesn’t sound like your girl is there yet. She said she needs time to think about it, and that’s probably a good sign.
    Maybe she likes your character but isn’t physically attracted to you due to weight or other health issues. I don’t know if this is true or not, but if she is fit and you aren’t, it wouldn’t hurt to work out some. Or maybe she is a sturdy strong farm girl and you are a small, skinny city boy and she doesn’t want to feel like the ‘masculine’ one in the relationship. Or she could like another guy and be wondering if he will return the affection. I have no idea if this is the case or not, I’m just thinking back on my own experiences.

    # July 15, 2012

  2. Anna May

    Well, just from being a girl and being in a little bit similar of a situation maybe she does like you but perhaps she is just not ready yet. When a girl isn’t totally ready it puts a lot of pressure on them and makes them feel confused themselves. This could be and could not be true. Hope this helps you 🙂

    # July 16, 2012

  3. Dominic

    Appreciate the response ladies. I actually laughed at how you described the things this girl might look at lol funny stuff Bethany.

    Here’s a little about myself. I’m about 6″1′, muscular build and workout at the gym 2-3 days outta the week on average. There is a good number of young ladies chasing me around at church and out of church. I am also a youth minister.

    This young lady that I met is actually out of state and I don’t see her that often. Maybe once every month or two because we have mutual friends. One thing she did tell me is that there was a point where she definitely liked me maybe a month after meeting me, but she never mentioned why she stopped liking me or did she? Because she continues to treat me the way she did soon after we met and when we talked about my feelings for her, she seemed to hide and cover up her acts of affection when I confronted her. I’m still very confused..

    # July 20, 2012

  4. KA

    Well, you poor guy! Keep in mind you may not understand some things but remember that God created men and women to have totally different thought processes. I am married and know a bit more about how guys/girls interact now than I did when single. I will make a few points here that may help.
    -Girls don’t know how hard it is for a guy to ‘ask’. She simply was unprepared for your approach and you may have simply shocked her!BUT this does not mean that she is not interested! If she is slightly insecure, she will have completely blocked any interest her heart may have had, simply trying to protect her heart. Some girls do that. They think it’s wrong to be interested in guys and so they set up walls.
    -Try not to be too hurt by this; try not to see it as being turned down. Give her a second chance.
    -Bethany the Dreamer was VERY hard on you! All the personal flaws she imagined about you… well, it is very doubtful that this girl is thinking any of those things.
    -Two thumbs up to you for telling her you will give her time and space! That probably gave her a sense of security in you. BUT DON’T make the mistake of failing to get back to her. My friend asked a girl if he could take her out to dinner and she was so taken back and flustered that she said hastily, “I’ll… Think About It” Well, the guy took that as, she would think about it and get back to him. What an idiot! The poor girl when she calmed down was NO WAY going to have the nerve to call him! And besides, if he cared so little about her that he could just forget it, then he wouldn’t be much of a man. You are right to give her confidence that you weren’t going to be pushy, but to give her time and you showed her understanding. But, do not forget that men are initiators and women are responders. Once she gets ahold of her emotions through prayer and thought, she will expect you to check again. I know, to a guy this seems terribly degrading. But don’t look at it as coming crawling or anything like that… SHe won’t; She will see it as you stepping up and being a man, being aggressive.
    -and, of course, there is always the chance that she DID expect it, and prayed about it b4 hand, and the answer is still no. But in that case she should have given you a direct answer at the beginning.
    – Pray a LOT. These things seem so confusing at the time, but down the road it often becomes clear. If you pray fervently, then the Lord will show you the way. After all, He created you to think, act, desire and communicate a certain way and He created girls to do all that DIFFERENT! Just remember it is HE who designed it that way, and HE will teach you how to work it out.
    -I hope it works out for ya

    # July 25, 2012

  5. Dominic

    Thanks a lot KA! Very valuable information.

    It’s too bad these comments take so long to get approved, but here’s the latest breakdown in this situation.

    About 2 days after my conversation with the girl, she texted me back and told me that she’s doesn’t want to lead me on, but that she still wants to stay friends. One thing I told her when we met in person is that we wouldn’t be able to stay friends like before if she doesn’t have mutual feelings. And that’s what I told her. But I didn’t want to part on bad terms, so we met on Skype and talked for about 2 hours. I just encouraged her on her walk with God, remembered some good times and asked her not to call/text to give me time and space to move on.

    It’s been a month now since we talked and I’ve been praying for her daily and I feel like I can’t give up. I wrote her a letter a few days ago and told her that she can write back if she wishes. Waiting for her reply if there is one.

    # August 8, 2012

  6. beth

    How did this all turn out?
    I am very glad to see that you continued to treat her with Christian love and respect after she hurt you. Thanks for being a gentleman.
    I wonder if it isn’t that the Lord is leading you to her, but not yet. Maybe she isn’t ready yet and things need to set a spell before a relationship can move on.
    Give her all the time and space she needs, pray for God’s wisdom and peace, and see where it all lands- even if it takes years.
    Hope that helps.

    # March 3, 2013