Posted February 14, 2013

I always used to be of the camp that a single girl should stay home and help her family.  Lately though I’ve been questioning that idea–I feel like maybe it’s not enough for me to be home, that I should be involved in an organized ministry, I should be out paying my own rent, taking chargeof my own life. But, on the other hand, maybe it’s faulty thought processing to say that doing that and being in a ministry would be more profitable than being at home.

So, is it legitimate to say that as an adult I need to have my own “life,” my own “thing”- that I need to be independent?  (It’s not that I am unhappy with being at home, it’s that it’s too comfortable and I feel like I’m not being challenged at all.)  Hope this is making sense!

I would greatly appreciate all you ladies’ advice and all your stories…. what have you all done about this?  What are your thoughts?


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  1. kelseymarie

    I don’t think you ‘need’ your own ‘thing’. I wouldn’t put it that way. It shouldn’t be about your needs. It should be about God’s will. Whether staying home, or not, a girl needs to be busy serving the Lord. Maybe the reason you don’t feel challenged is that your not busy. Do you have a job or ministry your involved in? I don’t think it’s right for a girl to simply stay home and do nothing. What do you feel called to do? I know wonderful young women who stay at home but are also busy with babysitting, cleaning, and volunteering with their Church. They are very content this way. My cousin moved to Africa to work as a nurse when she was in her early 20’s and I really admire her too. Just do what God wants. It’s not about your needs or desires, it’s about God’s desires for you. If moving out isn’t nessesary for God’s plans, I wouldn’t advise doing it, but be productive wherever you are. God bless.

    # February 20, 2013

  2. obedientheart

    I am not yet married, nor am I living outside the home, however….I am in college and doing “career oriented things” and I tell you, that there is much I feel I am missing out being at home, that I can learn in preparation for becoming my future husband’s (Lord willing) helpmeet.

    I think starting a ministry could be a good idea, maybe try to start off with that first. I dont know how large your family is, but living at home and learning things of the home, (cooking, making things) learning to live with the family, will prepare you when you have your own family.
    Perhaps I am more of a traditionalist, but I prefer that I stay home until I get married, because I can be with my younger sister and grow in the family dynamic. That is just mean,
    I would suggest you pray about this, and ask the Lord to guide you , to help you discern his will for your life! 🙂


    # February 23, 2013

  3. obedientheart

    I meant “me” not mean” lol *sigh typos*

    # February 23, 2013

  4. beth

    Could you stay at home and still work in a ministry? I have a friend that is still living at home while tutoring several children and working at a pro-live support center.

    # March 1, 2013

  5. elisabeth04

    I know the feeling! I’ve struggled a lot with balancing ministry/home/independence as a single girl. When I read the Preparing to Be a Helpmeet book it struck me that Mrs. Pearl talked a lot about how having a vibrant, interesting life as a single girl is a very valuable thing. This was kind of an eye-opener for me.

    Basically, I’ve learned to pursue what I personally am interested in (writing) in a way that I can earn a little money and get some independence that way, although I do still live at home. I also minister outside the home frequently, including a foreign mission trip, because I realize that there are a lot more people out there who need to be ministered to then my family, although they are legitimate too, and as a single girl I have the time and responsibility to be out there. However, if I were focusing on making money to be independent I wouldn’t have the time to write or minister in the way I do now, so I don’t make that the priority of my life. Plus, living with my family still gives me a chance to serve them and practice homemaking skills for marriage.

    So it’s a balancing thing, like so much of life. 🙂 But if you are too comfortable and feel the need to shake things up, I’d go for it. Learning to meet a new challenge is a great way to gain maturity. Besides, you’re going to need to know more than how to cook to be a good wife – you’re going to need toughness, creativity, and confidence, things you might need to find on your own outside the home.

    Just my thoughts. 🙂 Pray much and God will guide!

    # March 6, 2013

  6. akiteinthesky

    I think you should pray about it. I dont believe that a girl has to stay at home until she is married. I believe a young women should prayerfully consider God’s will. But the bible is very clear that we should be active in ministry and sharing about christ to others. I live at home I go to a college near by. I will be moving out for 3 months in about two weeks. and last year I moved to Peru for 2 and a half months. I live at home and work with a ministry in the town I live in. there are lost people every where I have found and so there is always a ministry opportunity. It really boils down to God’s will and what you believe he wants for you and how you can best serve him. If thats at home with your family may he give you peace about that and if it moving out and working with a ministry is what you believe he is calling you to then Follow that. Its a really exciting time in your life.

    # March 8, 2013

  7. sierra

    I still live at home, but I go once a week to an abortion clinic with a group from my church to hand out pro-life packets & tracts. It’s very fulfilling & will open your eyes to how big abortion really is. Hope you find something to serve God in in your youth! 🙂

    ~ Sierra

    # March 23, 2013

  8. dottie

    Go ahead and reach out! I found myself in the same place after graduating. I need to be kept busy! I still live at home, and I continue to help with housework and my dad’s business. I have found that being involved in church ministries keeps me learning and growing. Taking a job was a hard decision: should I stay and help school my siblings or help with a group outside my home? The experience of working outside the home has really made me appreciate and crave being home, but I find it exactly what I needed to challenge me, to strengthen me in where I stand.
    I know that as you pray for direction, God will give you peace about your decision.

    # April 3, 2013

  9. maidenfaire

    I believe that in most cases here, it’s about the attitude of your heart. I have known many a girl whose physical body was under her father’s roof, but on the inside, her heart was as far as it possibly could be. On the other hand, I know a young woman who is working with a ministry away from home but has her father’s blessing and protection. Yes, he cannot physically protect her as he might if she was with him in body, but he continues to be her authority and accountability.
    There comes a time, married or not, that the parents have the authority to send out the children they have nurtured as mighty arrows for the LORD.
    God has set up your parents as your guidance counselors. Besides Christ himself, no one knows you better than them. Seek their advise, they will not withhold it from you.
    God bless you!

    # August 10, 2013

  10. blackwhitedenim

    I think there is always a risk of things becoming a “cult” and this is one of them. For some girls there is a ton of stuff to do at home, for others… not so much. I think it’s all about making good use of what time and resources you have.

    I knew one girl who, at 23, went to college for a while but quit because the math was too hard. She then stayed home and brought her dad coffee, did light housecleaning (it must have been light- every time I went over there the house was a mess), taught music to 4-5 students and made cookies… i.e. waited for Prince Charming. She didn’t have a lot of money, but she did have a lot of time. She kind of learned to sew, also learned basic cooking, and spent a lot of time reading spiritual books and the Bible (to her credit- I wish I would have read the Bible more).

    If you are living at home with that much time on your hands and not making money, you should be learning SO MUCH MORE. I know another girl who, at 21, was asked to make a wedding dress, lead worship at local church (not her own- she already did that sometimes), milk cows at a dairy farm and feed animals for other people. She also did wedding flowers for a friend, made cheeses and wine, sold things on Ebay for extra cash and ran three 5k races over the summer. This was all while working part time and studying as much as possible- AND being with Prince Charming on the weekends. 🙂

    I think stay-at-home daughterhood is all what you make it.

    # August 29, 2013