Welcome to the weekly chapter-by-chapter study of Debi Pearl’s Preparing To Be A Help Meet! Each week Shalom will post a lesson guide with verses and challenging questions for a chapter from the book. Follow along and participate by asking questions or posting your thoughts!
May 29, 2012
Hi Ladies, I hope and pray that each of you are living in the joy of the Lord. I am so sorry it has taken me so long to move on to chapter 5. I am having a hard time doing anything right now, but getting ready for this baby that is due any day now. I would love that day to be today. I have been working like a mad woman, trying to get everything done before its arrival. I am happy to say my garden is in and I picked my first fruits off it today. My house is spring cleaned and the baby room is painted and a new floor put down. I think I am ready to take a break and have this baby. I am going to sit around for a couple weeks looking at her or him, smile. Pray for me that all goes well with this birth. My husband and I are doing this one on our own, so pray for him to! Well let’s get to the study.
Do you have enough fear of God not to question his Word?
Answer these questions from the text from chapter 5 or I would love to see you answer with scripture.
1. What is the key to understanding our roles as wives?
2. Where are peace and joy found?
3. If your husband does not love you, does that negate your responsibility or prevent you from fulfilling your role?
4. What is the gift that God gives that will help you in your pursuit of becoming a help meet?
5. List three words that are part of the blueprint for help meets?
6. What can you do that will cause you to know God more and cause you to care about the things he cares about?
7. Are you committed to a heavenly marriage?
Faith So glad to have this online study! Congratulations in advance on the birth of your newest little one!
1. What is the key to understanding our roles as wives?
God's Word.
2. Where are peace and joy found?
Through walking in obedience to God.
3. If your husband does not love you, does that negate your responsibility or prevent you from fulfilling your role?
Nope!
4. What is the gift that God gives that will help you in your pursuit of becoming a help meet?
Wisdom.
5. List three words that are part of the blueprint for help meets?
Honor, submit, obey, reverence, love.
6. What can you do that will cause you to know God more and cause you to care about the things he cares about?
Obey Him!
7. Are you committed to a heavenly marriage?
YES!
Shalom I had a baby Boy! He was born Sunday night at 5:55 He is 8 pounds and cute as can be. We had him at home. It was a great birth and he is my most content baby yet, sleeps all night and eats all day! We are working on a name. sooo happy
CJ :D Oh, I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥ What a precious gift! Congratulations!! :) Be sure to let us know a name! ;)
Kat Oh, congratulations on your brand new little blessing! Glad everything went well and both you and your little one are well. Can't wait to hear what name you decide on! :)
Faith T. Praise Jesus! Congratulations!
Caralee Congratulations Shalom!!!! How wonderful!
Kelcie Armstead CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have such a beautiful family. Thank you for the bible studies they are SUCH A BLESSING!
God bless
Shalom I forgot I never posted a name for my baby, it is Roland Asher Brand.
Kat Love it! :)
March 28, 2012
Thanksgiving Produces Joy
This is the last of three chapters on Thanksgiving and joy so let us really take it to heart. Look up the word Thanksgiving and if you want to share with us that silly thing you do to make your husband laugh, I am sure we would all enjoy it .
The story that mom tells about her yelling and scaring Dad, was an everyday event. She was always jumping out from behind something to scare him. We would be eating supper and she would let out a yell making us all jump up in fright, while she sat there laughing at us. Dad was always laughing and chasing her down for her punishment, which was a kiss. We would all laugh and tell them to keep it PG13
lisa LOL Shalom!! Love that story. Punishment a kiss? Puh! How about a bear size hug to go with it!
I make my husband laugh but it would not be PG13 though! He tells me I am sick ( this is all in good fun mind you) and I tell him he loves me that way! (Sorry ladies this is just for his ears and I don't think you want to read it) It is just how we play...or my jolly playmate! He is always smiling when he comes around me so it has to be top notch, right? ;o)
Thanksgiving.... The act of giving thanks, being thankful, giving thanks to others. Offering up thanks to our Father God for something he did for me even though I asked/or did not ask. That is what Thanksgiving means to me... or thanksliving!!
Thanksliving=joy! I can't wait to read your stories!! Hey Swiftohear I replied to the perfect mate to the question you asked me!
I tell people on the phone that my husband and I are like Laurel and Hardy. But I could not tell you which is which though! It would always seem like we are laughing about something!!
Trina To name a few silly things.... I like to bust out in song and do funny dances, my favorite being the running man =) I also like to make this certain face that is soooo ugly/funny while my husbands back is turned and then he will look at me and laugh and I will say whats so funny!?. I like to get a few tickles in here and there but I have to think about if i want to be tickled back before I do it. Then I like to pretend to have an accent, favorite being my fake country accent. He will look at me and say sarcasticly "dont ever do that again" LOL.
swifttohear I have a story for you about this, so you can laugh at my expense!!
I am extremely thankful that my husband chose to marry me. We've been married for 7 years, and I am still googly-eyed and in love with him. I am always giddy like a school girl when I see him. So, there we were, the boys and I, playing at the creek under their favorite railroad bridge where they climb the old railroad ties, which are partially submerged in the water. I heard my husband coming just as I was emerging from the creek with the boys. I had a hoodie on from the cold, and was fighting a bush to get up the bank, so couldn't see too well. Excited to run up and meet my husband, I ran headlong into the corner of a wooden bridge plank, and knocked myself out!
I actually cried from the pain. I didn't cry from pain when I gave birth, med-free, or when my oldest popped my pubic bone apart when he was born, rendering me wheelchair bound for three months... Didn't cry then. But, oh, did I cry today!! Youchie!! So, my husband and I are going on a date tonight (our second in six years), and right below my hairline, in the middle of my forehead, I've got a goose-egg (more like a chicken egg, or maybe it's more like a robin-egg, come to think of it!!), with a lovely red gash (okay, maybe a scratch), across the top. It was worth it, because afterward, my husband teased me relentlessly, and we laughed and laughed!! Moral of the story: enjoy each moment you have with your husband, b/c you never know when it will be your last.
Harley My husband got kicked in the ribs by a horse 4 days ago and he is hurting pretty bad.
The other night we had some family out visiting and I was laughing like my normal self and he kept saying "Stop laughing!" as he tried to keep from laughing because it hurt so bad. I said "Why do I have to stop?" he answered, "Because when you laugh, I laugh!".
That was the first time I realized how true it is... when I am happy and full of laughter and joy, he can't help but be the same way just by watching me.
These past 4 days of him being in so much pain that it hurts when he laughs has actually been a really good thing! It made me see how much I influence his laughter and has made me more apt to laugh.. when he feels better :))
Shalom My stomach is sticking straight out right now, being only a few weeks from having a baby, and I walk like a penguin. All I have to do is be in the room with my husband and he is smiling at my stomach and laughing at my walk. I exaggerate my walk and stick my stomach out a little farther to get him really laughing. My two year old son calls my stomach, Fat baby; He loves kissing on it. This past week my husband was out mowing the grass so I went out to pick up sticks for him. He was mowing on the side of the hill by our house and as I waddled down the hill toward him I saw a stick in his path so speeding up I went for the stick only to lose my footing and instead of waddling down, I slide down on my back side. It was quite a sight; he quickly stopped mowing to make sure I was ok. As soon as I let him know I was fine he said, “I am so glad for you looked so funny” and he started laughing. We laughed together, I got a kiss or two or three, then we went back to work. Life is so much sweeter when you laugh. Shalom
Miss Dreamer Gal Oh, that is so true! Life is SO much sweeter when filled with laughter and joy! Thanks so much for sharing your sweet story!! :)
Sandra I just started the weekly study, so I am playing catch up, but I wanted to post something. Years ago, I was in a depressed state and couldn't figure out why-I had no reason to be depressed and yet I was. I went to the doctor and got put on medicine that I didn't like the side effects of, so I stopped taking them. Anyway, I came across No Greater Joy and ordered CTBHH. It was probably about at this chapter and I had to go have my womanly checkup. After the exam, the doctor was talking and out of the blue she looks at me and says "You are just so happy", and this really took me by surprise and I said something to the effect of "Life is good" and she says "No, I think it's more likely that you just have a happy personality". Well it puzzled me because for a long time, I didn't have a happy personality at all, but when I thought about it, I realized that yes I was happy. Anyway, back to present day. Yesterday, it dawned on me that I am again happy, which got me to thinking why am I not happy at times? I have every reason to always be happy, so what changes. I realized that I change, I start believing in the world view of women again and start getting a liberated attitude and I cannot be happy with that attitude. God did not create me to be liberated, he created me to be my husband's dream wife. I cannot believe I bought into the lies again. I mean, four chapters and I am again realizing my purpose in life and it is to serve the man God created me for. It is a wonderful revelation for me! When I live the way I KNOW I am meant to live-honoring, obeying, and submitting to my husband in deed and THOUGHT, wholeheartedly-I am living in the sweet spot and boy is it grand.
Faith It has been a long time since I read CTBHHM, as I gave my first copy away to someone I thought could also benefit from reading it. Praise God, my husband bought us the Help Meet set, and we just received them today! I hope I can read fast enough to catch up on this study!
Anyway, I wanted to ask for a bit of help on the topic of joy, if you all don't mind.
I pray every morning before getting out of bed, including asking God to help me be a good wife and mother. I get up happy and cheerful, truly glad to see every one of my 6 children and my husband (who is currently at home due to a work-related injury). I enjoy choosing to be joyful and cheerful, greeting each one with smiles and hugs. Many mornings, however, my dear husband is not so cheerful. In fact, he can be quite the grump - meeting my smile with a grouchy look, complaining about this or that, yelling at the kids (or even me), etc. throughout the course of the morning.
This often happens, too, when he comes home from being out somewhere, or I come home from an (husband-approved!) outing. I am always happy to see him and greet him with love and a cheerful smile. Inwardly, I never know what to expect, as most times he is grouchy and angry. I do my best to have the home as he likes it and be ready for his coming, but many times he will be angry at me about something anyway, and I can never predict what it might be. Sometimes I feel that I can never measure up or be perfect enough for him.
I do try to keep my chin up, but on such occasions, especially when he directly hurts my feelings with his rough, unloving way.. it is so hard to FEEL that joy! My balloon just deflates in pain and sadness.
I don't want this to be the case. I want to help change the atmosphere of our home to joy, not the other way around. Can anyone please give me some advice on this?
Thank you,
Faith
p.s. Thankfully, my husband is not ALWAYS like this. In fact, he often apologizes later and admits he has an anger problem and is asking God to help him. Some days he is wonderful, flashing his amazing smile, and I can see he is really trying to be more gentle with me and the children.
Faith One more thing - on those grouchy days, it often SEEMS as if he is not content until he has made the rest of us as miserable as he is. Can a joyful attitude be irritating to someone who is angry or depressed?
Faith I can't believe it's only been four days since I wrote the above posts... Maybe someone read them and has been praying for us.
My husband has been whipping his way through CTNAHM, and - WOW. I don't know what all's in there but - WOW. I already have a changed man. He is AMAZING. EVERY time he begins to speak to me in anger or frustration, he stops mid-sentence, apologizes and starts over! He has discussed a few things with me, so I know that whatever is written about the 3 personality types has helped him immensely. He is suddenly so much more relaxed, patient, servant-hearted, thoughtful, considerate, and confident in his own leadership.
I also started reading my new copy of CTBHHM, but have been working through very slowly, as I am wanting to do all the written stuff at the end of each chapter, and am really trying to absorb it all, more than the last time I read it.
I've noticed right away how much my demeanor impacts him. When I do fail to wear a smile (even a slight one) when he walks in the room, he looks... tense. As soon as I smile at him, I can visibly see him relax.
We have been enjoying each other so much lately. It is such a fun game to make him smile or laugh throughout the day. I have been enjoying submitting to him more and being even more supportive when he shares his thoughts and ideas with me (this usually entails shutting up!).
I feel so, so blessed, and I just hope and pray that this is the new "us", permanently!
Thank You Jesus, and thank you Pearls!
CJ Praise God!
Shalom Oh Faith, I am so happy to read your response, on the change in your home. Having the “Joy of the Lord” is so wonderful. I wanted to encourage you before you responded to continue in Joy, but your response shows that you have that down. It is your job before God to be happy and live in his light and joy but it is up to your husband on whether he chooses to be happy too. Do not put it on yourself or feel like you are doing something wrong when he cannot control his anger. If you are doing what God has ask you to do, then you are not to hold yourself accountable for his sin, it is his, not yours. Be joyful; pray for him that God will continue to work in his heart to control this sin. It sounds like he is learning and that God is working in him. Continue to pray and do your part before God to live in the “JOY OF THE LORD.” Has your husband ever listened to the Sin No More CD series? It has helped many men become free from the sin of anger and many other sins. It sounds like you are both on the right track to becoming, heirs together in the grace of life. Shalom
Faith Thank you so much, Shalom. Your words relieve a great burden from my shoulders.
It has been truly amazing how, even when he slips in this, it has rolled right off my back like never before, and I am able to keep smiling, and even sometimes giggle in the midst of it! Crazy! God is so awesome! Such grace is on us right now. Maybe some ladies reading the posts have been praying for us!
Is "Sin No More" the Romans teaching? He has expressed some interest in listening to that. Hopefully we can afford to get it soon.
Jesus bless you all!
March 21, 2012
So sorry it took me so long to start chapter 3 My kids have had the chicken pox, so I have not been working.
A thankful spirit
Read chapter three and the book of Philippians. And share what you learn.
My kids are my personal mirror, a reflection of who I am at the moment. The best way for me to see if I am being thankful right then, is to look at them and see if they are thankful. I would call myself over all, a thankful person, but that is just my personality. But I can see by looking at my children that there are lots of times that I am just saying I am thankful, not living it. Words are just words, our actions show what is really in our heart at that moment when you are tired and the day is still not over yet. That is the time that I must call on God to give me a thankful heart and those are the times when he will judge whether I am truly a thankful person or not, not the times when being thankful is easy, because life is going good.
I thought I would tell you ladies the rest of the contentment story about the young wife who lived in the shack in chapter three. It was me! I was newly married and, {life was good} it was not hard to be happy. We had an old wood shack that we called the Love Shack sitting in a beautiful spot right on a spring feed creek, flowers and trees all around. I could wash my cloths, dishes, and us in the creek. It was just us and we could enjoy life as it came. We were only there spring to fall. I got pregnant and so that fall we rented a four bedroom farm house and live there for the next two years. We still look at that old house that sits empty on the creek and thank, “How wonderful those months were.” Shalom
lisa Shalom
Thank you for telling us. I have often wondered about the newly married lady in that story. What fun to know who it is! I have been re reading and am bit farther along...but I will enjoy the review. Kids are a great mirror. Smiling and laughing create happy times and memories are a powerful thing when you are young. For me, as a child I can remember being somewhat happy but I am not sure loved. Not that my mother did not love me but I think to much time was spent cleaning the house and I was left alone for most of my young life. Even though this story is sad I keep that memory as a reminder to play with my kids and be thankful that now we have an adult child, middle older child and a kid still at home.
I am thankful for:
my health- for I was sick for about almost two months
my family- my kids that make me laugh- making me younger
my husband-whom is home today working from home and harassing me- I love it!
Trina WOW i always pictured a young girl from another country as i read that part! I was thinking how sweet but she must be used to that kind of life. I know That sounds mean. You and your family amaze me, I hope to be just like you guys someday! I am just learning what it means to truly be thankful. At first my thankfulness was just words. But Debi is right, practice makes perfect and it gets easier and easier. I understand now why this is so close to the begining of the book. Im pretty sure being thankful and merry has powerfully changed my marriage. I was so uptight before but now when im thankful it makes me wanna dance and sing. It really makes Life so much sweeter. My husband surprised me one day this week by cleaning the house for me. As i walked in the door from working a long shift i was shocked! He told me he didnt get to the kitchen but he was going to do it. I remember jsut a few months ago i would have ignored his special kindess and been annoyed that he left the hardest part to do when i got home. But since i had been practicing being thankful my response was thankfulness. We turned on randy travis and did the kitchen together dancing and singing the whole time, then after we shared some choco chip muffins he bought me because he knew it was "the time" i crave chocolate LOL!! I am in the same boat as the Queen at the end of the chapter.
Shalom Oh how sweet! I was smiling from ear to ear when I read your comment. Just a few days ago my husband did the same for me, just the kitchen though. I helped him with the dishes so I could stand beside him and talk, it was so fun! I have to agree with you on thankfulness and joyfulness being a big starting point in making a good marriage or happy children. I have a very thankful seven year old and a thankful two year old, but my four year old struggles with being thankful. I can tell you it makes everything harder for her. Not being thankful puts a shadow on everything, from her fun time, to her work time. I have to always be working with her, to keep her thankful, so she will not slip into an unthankful attitude. Her heart is so sweet and tender, but feeling sorry for herself is always a struggle, which is unthankfulness. Though my other children are more thankful, I do not thank they will be the ones to get the thankfulness reward in heaven. I thank it will go to the one that struggles, but overcames with Gods help. So be thankful if you are the one that has to work at being thankful, for your reward will be great.
CJ Oh that is too sweet, Trina! :D I love that! Randy Travis and chocolate...and a clean house...! What a sweet combination you are truly blessed.
Shalom I thought I would tell you ladies another story that happened to me this weekend. My husband builds chopper motorcycles and hot rods, so this last Saturday we went to a motorcycle swap meet and show. I left my girls with mom and took Parker for he loves bikes and would not be left behind. We were leaving at four thirty in the morning and Parker knew we planned on leaving him with Mama Pearl so he stayed up all night, I saw the clock every hour all night long! He finally fell asleep at four, I was hoping I could carry him to her house without waking him up, but no, at four thirty he came strolling into our room with a smile on his face, and said “Bike show, Bike show” And of course Daddy could not leave him, so he went with us. Anyway, back to the story. I took “G&E” books as well as “Created” books just in case I talked to someone that I thought needed one. Well here I was at a bike show and I started to talk to this man about God. Later I went back and gave him a G&E and seeing that he had his wife there with him, I handed her a “Created” book and told her that it was a book my mom wrote for women on how to be good wives. She got this shocked look on her face and started stammering. Her husband looked at her and said to me “why is she speechless?” When she finally was able to talk she said “Someone gave me this book not long ago, it is amazing. I cannot believe it, I am meeting you! This is crazy!” I had to laugh, for I love to see God working. Later another woman came by our table and as she was walking by said, “I know you, you are Shalom, your mom wrote Created.” and on she walk never stopping. I came to a bike show were most everyone there is a man and godless on top of it and there were two women that had read Created to be His Help meet at the show. It made my day. Shalom
lisa Great story! Thanks for sharing!!
John Denver:
It feels good to be back home again. ;o)
Ready for the next chapter????
Trina You are right CJ I am sooo blessed =) ! Shalom That is so awsome to think about being thankful for having to work hard at being thankful because my reward will be great! About the bike show, I wonder if there would have been any Godly wifes out there for all those ungodly men if your mom never would have wrote CTBH! Crazy to think about it!
swifttohear This is one of my favorite threads! There are so many blessings to be had for those who love the Lord and do His will. I've been trying to write a response here, but have been waylaid.... my latest excuse is that my 4-years-old-on-Monday son can't sleep. Daddy's coming home late from work tonight, so I told the kids that if they slept this afternoon, they could stay up late to see him. One's out like a light (as I sit here in their bedroom typing this), and the other just said to me, "Mama, I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes, it gets dark!". Funny.
So, Shalom! My heart was SO warmed to know that your mom was talking about you in that chapter! What a blessing it was for me just to know that, because that means so much! It means that your mom was so blessed by your positive example, that she used it to bless so many women who read the book. They, in turn, blessed their husbands by following your example, given by your mom, through you! That's exciting! I know, I'm using the word "bless" too often, but it applies.... Point is, it's a blessing. See what I mean..? Thanks for that, Shalom.
So, this week I've been particularly thankful for all kinds of things, and I noticed that I've been smiling more: the kind of smile that you don't expect, that comes out every time you look at your husband, or your child. I've been starting my prayers with psalms of praise lately, which may be playing a part. I have so much to be thankful for, and I feel like I love the Lord more and more each day.
I'm also glad to have read Philippians this week, because it has been a while! I forgot how good it is! Reading it reminded me of how much of a joy it is to be practicing true fellowship. By that, I mean the kind that believers enjoy when there is no envy or strife between them. My husband and I recently found a church that we knew, as soon as we walked in, had this kind of fellowship. I can't tell you how many churches we've been to. Anyway, sorry, I don't mean for this to be long... the-four-years-old-on-Monday child is still tossing in his bed, singing "Criminal on the Cross" by Acappella to himself, and the pizza dough is ready and waiting, rising out of control as we 'speak'...
So our new church has this 'true' fellowship, and it fills us with joy to see that, and to be a part of that. It makes church "spiritually productive", which is the best kind of productive because all members are doing their part. That's what brings about the fruits of righteousness, for the furtherance of the gospel. I'm learning to put the gospel first. There is no authority, morality, or joy without it.
Four-years-old-on-Monday is running his little soldier men (his fingers) across the bridge (his foot and toes), and falling into the water (between his toes) in an effort to catch a plane to South America. I'm as bewildered as you are. :)
Blessings!
Shalom Swift your little Boy sounds sooo cute. Parker my two year old always talks himself to sleep, he will go on and on about monster trucks and dirt bikes and makes sounds to go along with it. Today as we all laid down on the bed to take a nap both the girls were asleep by the time he stopped talking and went to sleep himself, boys are such a blessing. I was just thinking about true church fellowship just this week. Over the past year our church has become more and more dedicated to Prayer and through this we have become a close family, all wanting the same goal, to reach the world with the gospel. Every Sunday every one stays to eat and sing and play games in the field together, it is great fun. I am truly thankful for this and feel so blessed. shalom
Caralee Thankfulness is so important as you have all shared. It really does affect one's outlook on a daily basis.
I must share a praise report about myself in regards to this. For years I have read the NGJ articles on attitude and the importance of being cheerful. I have also prayed all these years that God would change my sargeant major attitude towards my children. I found it a great struggle to smile at my children throughout the day, especially after they were bad, etc. Last chapter, I was very sad as I read Shalom's post about how she dances with her children. It grieved me that I was not like this.
Well, Praise The Lord! Over the past 3 weeks, God has changed my heart! I am finding it easy to smile at them. I am even able to retie strings of fellowship with them by smiling after they have been corrected for doing wrong. I am seeing that God has changed my whole way of thinking regarding why I am to be joyful (because of all he has done for me), and how I view my children. He has changed how I relate to my children, and the result is that I can now smile at my children. I find them a joy and delight! We are a team in all we do. I have even better relationships with my children now than before! My smile is the product of a renewed mind and heart. ANd I see daily God changing me more and more daily and weekly which is my heart's desire!
I am so thankful for God and his effectual Word and power! I am also thankful that I came upon NGJ and their resources about 7 years ago! God has used them to change my life!
So now, though we are a thankful family, and as I continue to build my cheerful attitude and smile, I am going to purposely focus on being even more thankful for everything, but I am going to express it. I am also going to show my joy through dancing, clapping, singing (I love to sing!). I am going to verbalize it regularly throughout the day.
I am very excited! And I am so thankful that I am cheerful again!
Shalom Oh Caralee you are so sweet! I am so excited to hear what God is doing in your life. Do not feel alone, we all as moms have to work at being cheerful at times, it is not always easy. I have a friend that is very open with telling me that I need to lighten up and I do the same for her. I am so thankful for true friends that speak the truth. God Bless shalom
February 21, 2012
A Merry Heart
I Love this chapter! Fighting for your man! The more women I have talked to the more I realize that almost everyone that has been married for a few years has to fight for her man at least one time, if not more. I am not saying we have bad husbands, there are just women out there being used by Satan to pull at the flesh of our men. I for one love a fight where I know I will win and win big. I have been married for almost ten years now and I can say I have had to step on a couple girls once or twice. (My husband is sooo cute} Laugh. He loves it when I see a girl zooming in on him, for then I just zoom in on him even more to let them know, he is MINE.
This week, read the chapter, look up and study Joy and share with us what you learned. If any of you want to share a story of a time you had to fight for your man, I would love to hear about it. I will try to find time to write a story of my own.
Caralee I am still studying. I will answer soon!
What about you other ladies? What have you learned?
Caralee Well, I haven't finished my study on joy yet as I am going through each verse, but I can give some sense of what I am learning.
Personally, I think keeping my man has more to do with my "conversation" than how other women treat them. If my attitude, my tone, my facial expressions, my actions, my reactions, what I say, what I don't say is focused on loving and serving my husband so that he is built up and fully satisfied, then the other women have nothing to woo him with.
I must say that a cheerful smile and attitude really affects everything I do. If I allow myself to be sad or upset for any reason...even a valid reason, it affects him greatly. He needs me to be stable emotionally, to always smile and be happy around him when he is home, and when I am at home with our children. He wants to know that I am able to have a good day and he is coming home to a happy home. An unhappy home adds much more stress to a man than having a stressful workplace as home is his castle, his refuge, his sanctuary, his safe place where he can be refreshed and relax.
Caralee By having a cheerful attitude, I become his fresh and clear water that Debbie Pearl writes in her poem about at the end of her book.
Caralee The other point I wanted to share in fighting for my husband is that I am very conscious to not talk about my husband with other woman. Though I wish I could share all the wonderful attributes my husband has and does for me with my friends, I have learned from my mother that it is not wise to do this, as other ladies, when they hear about my wonderful husband, they compare their husband to mine which feeds the already present discontentment they have with their own husbands. Then this could potentially cause these women to become interested in my husband.
I did have an experience where I had to fight for my man a few years back. I cannot go into detail, but the good thing was my husband was wise enough to question a woman's actions at work that made him uncomfortable though he was not sure if he was misreading her cues. I was able to confirm his assumptions, and together we openly dealt with the woman in a kind but direct and firm manner. The woman ended up being embarressed and apologized to us.
swifttohear Hi, Shalom
Thanks again for leading this study!
The following verses give me great hope and joy:
John 16:20-24 Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy. A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world. And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you. And in that day ye shall ask me nothing.
Psalm 5:11
But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
One thing I've learned about having to fight for your man is that each day is a fight. Each day, I battle my flesh in order to selflessly put him first with a smile, and each day, the Lord gives me the strength required to prevail. Sometimes I lose. On those days, it is always my fault, and never the dear Lord's. When the Lord returns, I know I will win forever, and never lose again. I SOOOOO look forward to that day! In the meantime, I must remember to “make a joyful noise unto the Lord”. My kids and I are getting good at that. We love to sing. :)
I'd love to hear stories from others about defending their “turf”!
trina when i was younger i was always on guard when me and my husband were around beautiful women in revealing cothing, my attitude would change and i would get upset. It was very annoying to my husband to the point of it causing alot of fights. Since then I have learned how to become a different type of lovely to him and my confidence has sky rocketed. As soon as my mind begins to turn sour I start to thank God or thank my husband out loud and I become joyful. I think this is my best defense against these women. Its still hard when we are around women in revealing clothing but I no longer seethe with bitterness, i get over it. And I used to trash talk these women really bad to my husband, I have learned this is the worst thing I could ever do for it fuels the bitterness inside me and him. Instead I just ignore them entirely as if they werent there, sometimes I even close my eyes or look away and give thanks for anything i can think of. This has really helped me be joyful!
Grace It really is true what they say. If mom is not happy nobodys' happy!
I have to say, that's the biggest thing in fighting for my man. I find that if l'm not cheerful than a lot things start to crumble but if l keep smiling even though l might not feel like it inside than everyone is happy.
l realize l have so much control in that area in our home. That's why l daily pray for God to make me that woman, wife and mother that l've been created to be. l practise being thankful because thankfulness produces joy.
Shalom Joy of the Lord
Every time I read over the verses on Joy I come to the same conclusions. When you are joyful it comes out in the form of dancing, singing, shouting, playing instruments and at times crying. I am so thankful to my mom that she daily showed us Joy, not just said she had the joy of the Lord, but really lived it. As a child dancing and jumping and shouting with joy was an everyday thing. Now I have carried that over into my own family. My kids think it is normal for mom to jump up and down and dance around the house singing, they are right there with me having a great time. Even now when my children go to see Mama Pearl she meets them jumping and laughing for Joy. The kids are jumping up and down with her. I have to say she does look funny, for when I say jumping for joy I mean it literally. But the truth is I want to be just like her when I am a grandmother. Shalom
Psa. 5:11 But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
Caralee Thankyou Shalom. I am glad you posted this as I need to do this.
February 3, 2012
I would like to start by first saying. As a young wife I will be learning with each one of you as we read through Created and that I do not consider myself as the teacher. I consider my mom as the teacher as we are studying her book. If any of you ask question as we read through the book I will be going to my mom for the answer or one of you ladies that are older and wiser can answer it for us. I will open and close the discussions though. I hope each of you will be encouraged once again as we read through it together. Shalom
Shalom What words came to mind as you studied “Meet” I came up with, Due-befitting-worthy-fitting-right-qualified-and useful. My thought was that a help meet would be worthy, right and qualified, to be her husband’s helper that she would fit into his life and do right by him. What did you learn from your study of the word meet?
trina I felt honoured to understand what meet meant. Wow i am called to be a help to my husband... the same word David used when he was talking about God helping him! I am amazed that I was created for such a purpose as this... thinking about it makes me feel confident and special... and all the things you said shalom.
Caralee The words I saw were: fully equipped for, suitable, exactly what was needed, right action/person, proper, good, right, ready, perfect fit.
I feel a help meet is a woman who knows her calling as a wife to her husband is God appointed to her and she is fully content, joyful and thankful in this role. Because of this understanding, she steadily works towards being a consistent woman of passion and excellence in serving her husband.
swifttohear Thanks so much for doing this, Shalom! This is a great refresher course for me, that I need!
Meet.... I like to think of it as denying my own needs and reaching out to meet (fill, serve) my husband's needs. His position deserves it, and so does his person. :)
I glanced over my original notes that I took in my book (feels like so long ago, but it wasn't), and it's amazing how "groundbreaking" everything was for me. I remember taking the book to my mom and saying, surprised, "Mom! This book validates everything you've done in your marriage to make it work!!" Thank God for my mom, and yours, too, Shalom. They're wonderful :)
Shalom Sorry ladies, I was gone all week, I just got home tonight.
What verses did you find for the words Virtue, Graciousness, Wisdom, Prudence, and Goodness. Which one of these attributes do you need to work on in your own life? And what new thing are you doing to help you husband? I am going to go spend time with my man now. hehehe
Caralee I am finally here to post!
I have thoroughly enjoyed learning all the different words of the Bible as they relate to women. The all influenced me greatly, and I have a desire to study each word more from the Word of God. The Scriptures I found were:
For Virtue
Scriptures: Ruth 3:11, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 31:10, Proverbs 31:29
For Graciousness
Scriptures: Ruth 2:2, Ruth 2:10, Proverbs 4:9, Proverbs 11:16,
For Wisdom
Scriptures: Proverbs 14:1, Proverbs 31:26, Exodus 35:25, 26, 1 Samuel 25:3
For Prudence
Scripture: Proverbs 19:14
For Goodness
Scriptures: 1 Samuel 1:23, 1 Samuel 25:3, Proverbs 18:22, Acts 9:36
It was not easy to narrow it down to one particular attribute, but after some thought, I think the one word study that caught my attention the most was being a virtuous woman. The reason for this was that a virtuous woman is a “crown” to her husband.
What I learned was a virtuous woman causes others to see her husband as a man of distinction, honourable and of good character and mind, highly respected, even reverenced and elevated in position ALL because of who SHE IS. It has nothing to do with what he has done or won through rewards. SHE makes him to be known as an amazing and highly regarded man because of, first, her fear of God and thus willingly obeying His Word. This then means she will be pure, modest, and beneficial in her mind and conversation (actions, speech, expressions, etc) towards others, and willingly develops excellence in skills and character qualities to help her husband achieve his goals and calling. All the other words we studied were things a woman is to learn or gain as a quality of excellence to become a real virtuous wife.
Because this woman is virtuous, she will be elevated in her husband’s eyes and life. She will be his only confidant, his wise advisor, his lover and best friend…. just as Debbie explained in this chapter.
So the attribute I will work on is being a virtuous wife to my husband. Initially, I thought this goal appeared to be a monumental and overwhelming task, but after some reflection over the last 10 years, I see that, without fully realizing it, I have been working towards this goal since I began to allow God to change me into being a better wife. And I have seen much fruit come of this change especially recently which I am so thankful for.
At the same, I know I still have some major areas in my life, such as my attitudes and speech, that need an effectual change. I know this is a no-brainer, but the truth that is becoming really real to me - finally- is that I cannot change myself through my own means and strength. Rather, it is ONLY through God and the working of His Holy Spirit that I will develop the fruits of the Spirit and be a virtuous woman.
How am I going to do this…well, the one thing I am going to do is to consistently spend time with God daily, aiming to do this first thing in the morning. I want to get to know Him more than I ever have before. I want to rely on Him for strength rather than myself. I want Him to walk with me through the day as He speaks to me through His Spirit in all the things I think, say, and do. I want to be led by the Spirit continuously. For I know that in doing this, my relationship with God will deepen greatly, and He will make effectual changes in my life. And everything else will fall into place as it should because God is my LORD and the one doing the work.
I am looking forward to hearing what othes have learned.
Caralee Hello. I had started on the study words and have found them extremely interesting to learn about, but my time began to be taken up by unexpected situations, so I was not able to complete my study. I will post them when I get it done studying them...hopefully by the end of this week.
swifttohear So... this is really laying my soul bare. Yikes. I knew I loved this book for a reason!
virtue: Phil 4:8 "...if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things" (the things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report)
graciousness: Col. 4:6 “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt...”
wisdom: Prov. 3:7 “Be not wise in thine own eyes...”
prudent: Prov. 15:5 “...he that regardeth reproof is prudent”
goodness: Ps. 107:9 “For he... filleth the hungry soul with goodness”
I need to work on all of these! I think it's easier for a man to love a humble, positive woman who listens to his instruction because her wisdom will give her dignity, and her careful speech will give him honor. Then, she will find “grace in the sight of the Lord”, which will bring her whole family blessings and prosperity.
The new thing I'm doing for my husband is praying for him in specific matters, instead of in “general, glowing terms”! Yesturday morning, I prayed that he wold receive positive affirmation at work, and when he got home, he told me that he had received that very thing! Then, he was doubly blessed when he heard that it was an answer to my prayer. It also made for a very exciting prayer journal entry!!
August 12, 2011
I know this hasn’t exactly been a “weekly study” but I hope you are all learning stuff and enjoying it. I will do my best to start posting every week, but the summertime is always so busy!
Preparing study Chapter 7
Knowledge
Well by now I’m sure you have all read this chapter on knowledge hopefully you are diving into all sorts of new learning experiences! There are so many things out there to do and study, life should never become dull!
Like we read in the chapter, it is our job to start learning things and preparing for more responsible situations in life. No one can do that for us! The book gives a couple examples of things you can do or things to study up on, but you can’t just read the paragraph in preparing and stop there, you have to get out and get books on the topic or find families in your church or community that could use your help in certain areas, like watching kids or helping kids with school, or cooking a meal, or helping a mom out for a day doing random things she can’t seem to find the time to do. You could also go visit with someone in your church or community who knows about herbs, sewing, canning, or anything else you can think of!
Now for discussion on here, I would love for you to post one practical thing you have studied, that you can share your knowledge of, and one practical thing you have not studied that you would like to in order to make yourself a better helpmeet.
Caralee Hello Kirsten! It is nice to meet you!
Well, I have studied up on homeschooling. What I would like to share with you all is...first, do a study on the words teach, train, children, knowledge, understanding, and wisdom (amongst other educational related words) in the Bible. This will give you a basis as to how to educate/train your children Biblically. Secondly, when your children are little and you have time, read and learn all you can about homeschooling. Every time a question comes up in your mind about a different issue or idea regarding homeschooling, do a search on that via online or your library. I did this for 3 full years before I actually started homeschooling, and it really helped me to know what type of education my husband and I wanted to give to our children. Also, I avoided a lot of the hit and miss type of education that can happen alot when homeschooling.
Something I would like to know to be a better help meet is how to preserve food.
Caralee
Bethany Tools! My dad has a shop full of tools and I am just getting my feet wet. I'm pretty good with a screwdriver if I do say so myself... learning now to use the drill press, grinder, and socket wrenches.
One thing I'd like to learn more about is fixing cars. Now that I have car and no money (guess why- haha) that is my new project. Right now the transmisson slips and it squeaks like an angry gerbil on a treadmill. Looking forward to using a grease gun! I paid $10 for a repair manual. Hopefully between that and my dad's know-how and the internet I can save a lot of $$$- now and in the future.
Kathryn ditto to the tools! My dad has a woodworking shop,( he's a great craftsman!) and he's shown me the rudiments... would like to know more though!
Kait This was one of my favorite chapters!
I am taking my gardening a step farther by learning to save my seeds from year to year and doing some plant breeding experiments with different varieties, as well as growing and learning to use many of the less common medicinal herbs.
On the top of my list of new things to learn is driving, changing tires, changing oil, and all that boring vehicle related stuff - I prefer to ride my horse!
Kathryn I've researched homeschooling/childtraining/ marriage and all that...those kind of books are sorta my "fun time" since I look forward so much to having my own family :) , sometimes I wonder though if I really absorb all of this, or is it just "head knowledge", where you know it but you don't KNOW it.
I'd like to be a better musician...
heather i am a newbbie at the nogreaterjoy community thanks to the interview with anderson cooper. so that interview has changed my way into how can i serve my husband with a happy heart. so i cant stop reading and learning from this wonderful example of how we can have joyful peaceful happy home look forward to getting the book on help meet this is the perfect example for someone that had no example at all of what a mother and wife should be if any one has any advise feel free to send it to me
Caralee I was wondering....will this study be continuing?
June 21, 2011
Three Types of Women:
Hey Ya’ll! As we move into chapter 6 each of you should look up the word “Example” in the dictionary and do a Word search in your Bible. Then let’s talk about what YOU think it means. I did some of the Bible searches and it was really cool to see some examples of “example”
In I Peter 2:21-22 We read the Jesus is an example to us and that we should follow in His steps. He did no sin and there was no guile found in His mouth.
In John 13:14-15 Jesus is another example for us when He washes the feet and tells us to do the same.
And the in I Timothy 4:12 It says “Let no man despise thy youth ; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”
One definition of example is “A pattern or model of something to be imitated or avoided”
That is HUGE as a Christians! We need to strive to be something that someone would want to imitate and benefit from imitating. As Christians we are the light of the world shining for all to see, something that people should desire to have. You need to be an example to young Christians and unbelievers of what a Christian really in. These are just a few searches from the bible on the word example there are many more to be studied and gather information on!
Ice Breaker: Is your Dad a Prophet, Priest, or King? (you can also do this with your brothers, sons, or husbands )
Bekah My Dad is a complete Prophet... it is like Debi had him in mind when she described those type of men. :)
swifttohear My dad is a King. He doesn't last long being a member of a committee or church; he has to lead it, or at least become very influential in it (much to the chagrin of the leader). He runs for office; he gets his way; he explodes with energy. If my mom didn't know how to run, he'd have left her in the dust! I love him, but sometimes his energy can be intimidating. I married a king, but his priest and prophet sides keep him grounded. I'm grateful for both. :)
CJ My dad is a Steady! (prophet) however, I think I'd do best marrying a Visionary.
Joy My dad used to be very much a prophet, but as he has gotten older, he has turned more into a priest. I take after him, as I am very, VERY much a dreamer! :)
June 10, 2011
Three Types of Women:
Hey Ya’ll! As we move into chapter 6 each of you should look up the word “Example” in the dictionary and do a Word search in your Bible. Then let’s talk about what YOU think it means. I did some of the Bible searches and it was really cool to see some examples of “example” 🙂
In I Peter 2:21-22 We read the Jesus is an example to us and that we should follow in His steps. He did no sin and there was no guile found in His mouth.
In John 13:14-15 Jesus is another example for us when He washes the feet and tells us to do the same.
And the in I Timothy 4:12 It says “Let no man despise thy youth ; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”
One definition of example is “A pattern or model of something to be imitated or avoided”
That is HUGE as a Christians! We need to strive to be something that someone would want to imitate and benefit from imitating. As Christians we are the light of the world shining for all to see, something that people should desire to have. You need to be an example to young Christians and unbelievers of what a Christian really in. These are just a few searches from the bible on the word example there are many more to be studied and gather information on!
Ice Breaker: Is your Dad a Prophet, Priest, or King? (you can also do this with your brothers, sons, or husbands 🙂 )
Jessie My Dad,
He is a Prophet,He always wants to try something new and When he has an idea he wants to stick to it.He is also a King because he is the head of the house an handles it well:).
My little brother 9th with 9 sisters.Is so far a King type,He's only 4 and is a lot like my dad.
A friends brother (12 yr old)is a Priest. Full Priest with just a hint of Prophet:D. He is very careful and wants to do everthing right. Like one day he asked his mom if the Bible said anything about bad music and Movies (touch not the unclean thing)( He and his sister got saved first and then their parents got saved) Anyway, she told him yes he left the room and the next thing his mom heard was a crashing noise from his room. He was throwing away everything that was bad. I guess he has some Prophet in him to.
Astrid Bjorklund Definition of example in the dictionary:
1 a thing characteristic of its kind or illustrating a general rule : it's a good example of how European action can produce results | some of these carpets are among the finest examples of the period. See note at model .
• a printed or written problem or exercise designed to illustrate a rule.
2 a person or thing regarded in terms of their fitness to be imitated or the likelihood of their being imitated : it is vitally important that parents should set an example | she followed her brother's example and deserted her family.
I think that an example is something we should strive toward or avoid completely. Oh, I just thought of Proverbs 31! The woman in Proverbs 31 is an example we should strive toward as women and homemakers, respectively.
Example in the bible: 1 Peter 5:2-4 says "Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind; Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being EXAMPLES to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away."
Ice Breaker:
My Dad is a Priestly type. He is very steady, easygoing. But he has a little of a Prophet in him. He is very focused when he gets a project. I think all men have a little of all three in them, with one predominating trait. =)
This study is a great opportunity for the girls and women of this generation! Thanks for making this possible!
Caralee Hello Gals!
We need to get on with this study, so I am encouraging you all to join in.
My hubby as you all know is a Mr. Command/stable Visionary type of guy. My brother is definitely a Mr. Visionary. My father is clearly a Mr. Steady. I think I am raising a Mr. Visionary, a Mr. Command/Steady?, and another Mr. Command, but won't know for sure for some years from now. :)
As for my thoughts about being an example, what has been on my mind today was what Mr. Mike Pearl said in his article - "Where do I go from here?" I hope it is okay to post a little portion of what he wrote in that article here:
" It has been 35 years now, and I am not as pushy as I once was. I am not as quick to try to straighten out the thinking of others. Some time ago, I determined that if the life of Christ in me does not demand an explanation, then I shouldn’t exclaim so much. If Christ in me does not make me love more, be more patient, and more understanding of the faults of others, what do I have to offer? If my discovery of Biblical doctrine makes me reject other believers simply because they are presently where I was before I saw the light, could it not be said by onlookers that my doctrine of sanctification by faith has made me judgmental and sectarian—maybe a little bit self-righteous?
My advice to those of you who have discovered life-changing truth through my Bible teaching is to let your new message be your changed life. If your friends don’t see the change, you don’t have anything to offer. When they ask why you are out front telling sinners about Jesus, why you suddenly rejoice in the Lord more, why you are giving more to missions, why you spend more time with your family, why your wife is praising you so fervently, why you never miss a church meeting, but are praying fervently for your pastor, why you are visiting the sick and going to the local jail and the old folks home, then you can try to teach them a Bible doctrine that is different from the one that has left them living in sin. In short, keep your mouth shut until your life demands an explanation. "
This is a very honest and challenging encouragement for me. He says it all for what I have been thinking and struggling with as of late. The interesting thing that this article challenges me is to not just be an example to those in my community or church...but it has really challenged me to show the life of Christ to my husband and children on a daily basis as we live life together through the joys and especially the difficulties. I find it easier to be an example to those in public, but my family sees the real me. They see who I really am in the every day routine of life. And I ask myself...what are they seeing in me? For me, it is a very humbling thought and prayer.
April 14, 2011
Let’s start this week by reading through chapter 5 and then I want you to look up the phrase in subjection in your Bible. The word subjection means, to put under or subdue to be in obedience, submitting oneself to another; to be enclosed or shut up in a place; to be bound by the law. It is also translated: submit, subject, submitting, obey, obedient, obedience, put under, subdue. For those of you that really want to learn this, follow all these words through the bible, it is amazing what you will learn. We all {if you plan on getting married} will need to know this.
Shalom Ice Breaker: Describe the perfect boss in four words or less. {note: girls you can comment under a comment so as to keep it all together then for each new question that is ask anwser under that comment. That way we keep things together that are under the same subject. thanks
Shalom Forgiving, generous, organized and a hard worker. Note: Use the reply button under the comment to comment on a comment.
Melody Grubb Kind, gentle, firm, and joyful.
Laura Wise, A good leader, Organized, Kind.
Caralee Wise, caring, comfortable and confident in letting you learn, and knows from experience what it means to be in submission to those above him/her .
Okay that was not four words, but it was four concepts. That counts doesn't it? :)
Kait Good communicator, someone I respect, patient and a hard worker.
Hannah L. Honest, diligent, encouraging, and a good communicator.
CJ Good communicator, friendly, easy to talk to, and patient. It's very important (to me) :) that they're easy to talk to!
Desiring Moderation Gracious, not overbearing, organized, and hard working.
Faith Grubb Understanding, Wise, Knowledgeable and with initiative.
These first three are the ones I am praying for in my husband whichever type he is (I'm a Go-to) and now the last!
swifttohear My posts keep bouncing back in cyber-space! But, everyone's giving great answers, so they're irrelevant now anyway! :)
Shalom Caralee said she had this same problem, I told the computer guy. I am so sorry. I told Caralee that I write in word then copy and paste, so if it does not go through I can do it again and not lose my writing. Thank you for all your help in answering question, please don't stop. shalom
Bethany M. Gentle, encouraging, hard working and is fun to be around! :)
Noelle gentle, understanding, good communicator, hard working
Shalom A king! We all know a few of these types, but would you want to be married to one? They are the young men that we girls notice at church get-togethers, they make things happen, get the games going. They seem to be the handsome ones too, is not that strange, at least the ones I know. We have more than our share of king type men in our neck of the woods. Laugh. So the wife of a king must learn to serve/submit to him with honor and a cheerful heart. So from what you read in the book and the word study, how do you submit with joy?
Caralee Oh! Shalom! This is where I can really share, since I truly know something about the king type.
My husband is a king!!!! I was raised by a steady man, but it is definitely different to being around a king. The interesting thing was before about 2 years ago, he always acted as if he was a steady guy, but once, after God's leading, I gave up leadership in our home, he came out of his shell and took his place as a King type . This really surprised me and has required alot of learning and adjustment on my part.
Initially, I wrote a really long long post, but I decided instead to just list points so it is shorter. If anyone wants an elaboration of any of the points, please feel free to ask and I will go into more detail. My points seem simple enough, but there is way more depth in each of these points. They are very straight forward, but applying them as a woman is a whole other thing.
How to serve and submit to a kingly type with honor and cheerfulness?
1) First of all, I have had to reread your Mom's book on the kingly type to keep encouraging me in clearly understanding what my husband is like and how to serve him with honor and joy.
2) I am learning to know my role and responsibilities. My husband is the boss, and I am his help meet (not the other way around :) ).
3) I have to maintain high standards for my home management, homeschooling, and my cooking because my husband, a King, likes things done in completion with excellence. He holds me to high standards in all that I do.
4) My husband is very possessive of my attention and time, and so I am learning to organize and manage my time well with a focus on serving him, while being very selective and purposeful in the activities I choose to enjoy or be involved in (..even to the point of cutting activities both outside the home or inside my home. )
5) I must control my emotions at all times, and give up childish behaviors and attitudes. I must be cheerful and kind in my actions, my face, and my tone of voice.
6) Give my husband a good positive report of our day no matter what happened so he sees I truly am being a good manager of our home and a consistent and solid trainer/educator of our children. He does not want to have to worry about what happens at home while he is at work. He wants a capable wife at home who is productive, efficient, and effective in all that she does.
7) I am learning to be happy, content, and thankful in whatsoever state I am in.
8) I have had to choose to be happy on a daily basis no matter what occurs or what I have to deal with.
9) I have learned to laugh and enjoy him as my playmate and take interest in his work and interests. I am learning to talk less about myself now.
10) I allow him to do what he wants when he wants, and not require him to be with me all the time.
11) I gave up the whole equality argument a long time ago.
12) I am to ask my husband what I should do and think about in regards to numerous topics and not ask my parents. (Shalom - this is why I wanted to know about your relationship with your mother. I have had to grow up and change in this area…an area of struggle and loss for me.)
13) He wants me to obey him even if I think I have a better idea or way. This makes an enormous difference in the training of our children.
14) He likes us to be on the same page on everything. This has not been easy as we have had our own strong ideas about certain subjects; both of our ideas are good and solid, but at times very different. Coming into unity has been a huge learning experience for us.
15) I don't discuss things in front of the children that I feel need to be addressed. I do this in private.
16) If I plan on discussing things with him, I come prepared having thought about the situation ahead of time with good solutions.
17) I enter a discussion with him thinking we are on the same side wanting the same end result. = unity/team mentality. I don't enter an appeal or discussion to get my way or to have an argument.
18) In making an appeal, I decide ahead of time that I will not get offended if things don't go my way. My aim is unity, not getting my way.
19) I do alot of praying ahead of time discussing things with my husband. Often God works on him for me.
20) Thankfully, my husband is great in that he will read a book or article or listen to a cd that I ask him to read or listen to so it helps us get unified in or to do better in an area.
21) Often, I have learned to just be quiet, and not bring up my desires, my concerns or a situation because I know there is no solution in the present or I just need to wait, pray, and see what happens in the coming months.
I am sure there is more to say. I look forward to hearing what others have to say.
Rebecca H. Great list on being a good help meet for the kingly types (and some applies to the other types as well)!!
swifttohear These are great, Caralee! Thank you for the reminders!
Kait My dad and one of my brothers are both kings. They can be so stubborn about the silliest things! But once you submit to them, most often they really don't even care what you do. It is simply that they have to be in charge.
For example, I say "Let's do it this way." They say "No, that won't work." I say "Are you sure, because ...". They start to get mad, I agree to do it their way. They say something like "You can do it your way if you want, it really doesn't matter." Created to be a Help Meet was a huge help to my mom, whose relatives told her to divorce this "horrible husband." He expects three square meals a day served on time that look and taste good (and he is picky!), then sits back in his chair while us ladies do the dishes. Sometimes he will even order my teenage brothers in there to help while he watches. I have learned a lot from serving them! Although I don't want to marry a command man, I think that I am very prepared if that is my fate!
Bekah I do not know if I could ever marry a Kingly man, and with all honesty, and not attracted to that sort...it seems to be the Priestly men I am drawn too, because they make me feel secure or stable.
However, by practicing submitting to my father now, with joy (joy is a choice, by the way!), I will be in "good shape" should the time come to submit to another man. :)
Olivia Listens, thinks outside the box, doesn't give up easily, and not easily offended.
Hannah L. I think something that could help me to be in subjection with joy when I get married is to remember that even Jesus is in subjection to the Father: “And when all things shall be subdued unto him, then shall the Son also himself be subject unto him that put all things under him, that God may be all in all” (1 Corinthians 15:28). Jesus calls me, when I become a wife, to be subject to my husband the way all believers are to submit to Him: “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing” (Ephesians 5:24). Clearly, being in subjection to someone is not degrading, but honorable. It is so good to get myself in the frame of mind now, before marriage, that when I marry, I’m promising to obey this man. That’s just all there is to it.
My brother, two years younger than me, is a King, and I can be Queenly sometimes, but we get along really well (most of the time;) ). I’ve noticed, as Caralee said, that he does appreciate cheerfulness from me (even if he’s grouchy), and also identify with what Kait said about a King wanting to feel “in charge” by the way I speak to him and respond to him, but not necessarily demanding that it always be actually done his way. Also, I’ve learned not to be offended when he calls me out bluntly on something he thinks I’m doing wrong—he’s often right—and he usually doesn’t mind if I do the same to him. He values up-front-ness, if I do it without making him feel that I’m the superior and he’s the child.
King’s are exciting, and being married to one is an adventure I’d be up for. :) Great to hear the experiences you all have had and the wisdom you’ve gained!
swifttohear Doing that word search you suggested, Shalom, was so rewarding! Isn't it amazing how much we have to learn from the Bible? It's endless, and so exciting!
My husband and I are predominately King/Queen types, but we both have a good smattering of other traits, as well. The great thing was, we were on the same page in most, if not all, things from the start. We are incredibly similar. I think that no matter what your personality type may be, we are all called to submit to Christ, and by so doing, any differences will diminish. If you want to be like-minded with a husband who is dissimilar, then be heirs together of the grace of life, and enjoy the blessings that God will pour out on your marriage. When you submit to the Word of God, everything else falls into place!
The wonderful thing about being married to a king, is that you never have to worry about making big decisions! You get to relax and let him be himself. :)
Shalom Thank you so much for all the insight Caralee that was a great list. Hannah that was so true that submitting is an honor, and the blessing that comes when one submits their own will, is amazing indeed.
Noelle I would love to marry a king! I am a servant type and one of my brothers is a king. I would love to marry someone with similar qualities to his.
Melody G Thank you, married ladies, for your words of wisdom!
I've learned a lot about living with a Kingly type, with my younger brother. At age 15 he is already asserting himself strongly and will not be pushed around by his (older) sisters! At the same time, however, there is a gentle side to him that I can bring out by understanding and respecting him and his desires. This is not always easy, and I am learning daily how to be a good sister for him and not smother his kingly traits.
My father, even though he is mainly a Steady, has been showing more kingly traits in recent years and I am learning to submit joyfully to his decisions for the family that I don't particularly agree with. After all, I'm still living in his house! He is also very particular about how and when meals are prepared, how his working clothes are done, and also very protective of his girls (he has 4 of them, so he has to be pretty commanding so that he's not overrun!:).
To submit joyfully, then, is to me to have a joyful attitude, to be very flexible, and to give up my own desires. Like some of you said, it's very much like our relationship with God. He wants our full attention and is very jealous. But if we submit joyfully to Him, He rewards us greatly.
Melissa submission is such a beautiful thing. I just wonder, can it be so "by the book" always?
I read the first Created six years ago and it changed my life, my heart and my marriage. Or I guess what I should say is that GOD changed my heart, my life and my marriage. I am a new person! My heart is to love my husband and to honor him. He is a very kingly/ visionary combo of a man. He can be quite the jerk sometimes, to speak frankly. I love him. Yet, I sometimes find it difficult to practically live out submission with a good attitude ALL the time.
I go out of my way all the time to bend over backwards for him and yet it often feels that it is not enough. If I make a cake, and it lacks in perfection, he will tell me how to correct the cake.
Yet, that's just him. When I make something wonderful, he will brag on the meal for days to everyone that comes over.
If I do something well, he really praises me well.
So what can I do? I often feel tired of always trying to please him. I feel I have forgotten what I like, what I want and everything in general related to myself except for taking care of our 4 kids and him...and he is much more difficult to "take care of". He often gives me "work" to do as his "secretary" and he depends on my help to do many different tasks related to his job...which is in ministry.
any ideas on how it can be a little easier?
Caralee Melissa,
I understand where you are coming from. My husband is like yours, and I often feel like you. It can be frustrating and at time hurtful when these things happen. This is a recent area that I am learning about, and I in no way have it figured out, but here is what I can share with you thus far. (Now at this point, I want to say that I am speaking about men who are really good Kingly or Command men who do not put their wives down because they just want to dominate them etc. I am referring to men who sincerely love their wives and want to help them. If your husband is a mean man who likes hurting and putting his wife down then that is another discussion for another post.)
The fact that or men correct us when we do something wrong or point out our mistakes and try to help us, and then on the other hand, praise us for days after we do something amazing…is just who they are. That is their Kingly temperament. This is their personality. They are the ones who get things done…and efficiently. They are usually very bright and capable men. So be relieved with this realization.
Secondly, they have high standards for their family and those they work with. They expect their wives to be just as good, smart, and capable as themselves. They see the potential for excellence in us and know we are capable of this standard, and so they desire to help us to achieve it. They also want us to desire this standard.
I would suggest you reread the portion of the chapter where it describes a Kingly or Command man in Created to Be an Helpmeet. Read it slowly and carefully. You will see that Debi talks about this exact thing there. This is what has helped me so much recently in understanding my husband and how to handle my myself in these situations you share about.
So here are some things I have learned to do:
When my husband corrects me or talks to me about something I was doing poorly or wrong, I chose to listen and hear him out. Instead of getting defensive, I evaluate what he says with what I am actually doing. This allows me to see that he is very observant, discerning, and knows where my lack of skill or character is. Again, at this point, I have to keep myself from getting defensive. I see that my husband sincerely wants to help me become a better wife and mother with solid skills and character in all that I do and am. So I admit to myself that I need to change and grow ( a humbling moment). I take his idea and begin to apply it. More often than not, it is just what I needed to do to help me improve myself. If I find that his idea is not completely helping me, I go back to him and ask him to help me more by sharing more detail about my situation in order fro him to have a clearer understanding. Then he gives me another solution that is more suited to my needs and specific situation. This process really helps me to be a much better wife and mother....and he is much happier too.
In relationship to the previous point, I am also learning not to get offended with how my husband actually tells me my error and needed improvement. Kingly type of men are very confident and not full of much emotion. They will speak bluntly. Instead of getting hurt because my husband comes across as “sounding” unkind or lacking gentleness or cold, I am learning to not take this personally. It is just how he talks. I think I can use a bit of toughening up, so I ignore this as much as possible.
If it is an important concern or topic and we don't see eye to eye on something or I know he will not be in agreement with me at the beginning, I first pray ahead of time that we will both be open to listening to one another and to understanding each other's side. I then choose a good time to talk to him about it where we have time to discuss and are not rushed, nor are the children around to interrupt us or cause distractions. I also do enough research to find solid points to back my opinion. My husband does not like weak reasons for things …and rightly so. I also am careful in how I frame my opinion when I talk to him. I don't make it a you vs me discussion, but rather I frame it as an us trying to solve a problem or situation. I work at trying not to have my way. Having my way is not the purpose. The purpose to solve the problem. And lastly, we try to be united on everything. Read about how to make an appeal from Created to Be an Helpmeet (I think it is around page 208).
Another idea I have had is if my husband comments on something I have cooked that did not turn out, and he tries to help me improve it, but I see his idea won’t work because he is lacking his own skill and knowledge on the topic, I still listen to him. I allow him to talk. I share with him what I have learned thus far in regards to making this dish. We often have a further discussion about it. I decide to see him taking an interest in me and my activities rather than a negative viewpoint that cause me to be offended and hurt. Sometimes, this discussion goes no where in the end. And sometimes, he will put forth a grain of truth that I forgot or did not notice when making that dish etc. The thing is I have respected his opinion and heard him out. I don’t stress about the fact that he had to give his opinion or his idea. I don’t stress about the fact that he wanted to help me. I don’t get upset that he pointed out that what I did was done poorly or wrong. I don’t’ take offense. I don’t tell him that his ideas are not good or useful. I don’t put him down. Then I go off on my own and figure out what to do to improve that dish or whatever I did not do well at.
Another thing is because my husband is very interested in all I do and become, I involve him in everything. We discuss decorating our home, cooking, cleaning, child training, my wardrobe (my husband is actually a much classier dresser than I am and is better at coordinating clothes and colors together than I am), my garden, my hobbies….everything. Yes, at times, it can be annoying, but I choose to have a cheerful attitude in regards to this. I choose to appreciate his concern and interest in me. And I actually learn a lot from him and our home is our home (not my home).
Another thing is I really work on trying to do better in the areas that he points out to me to improve. He does not point these weak areas out to me to get on my nerves or to show I am less than him, but rather (as I said before) to help me become a woman of excellence in all that I do. I study more, I try to create that dish once again as the recipe says, I research more to find out why my dish did not work, etc….
Lastly, you say, “I feel I have forgotten what I like, what I want and everything in general related to myself except for taking care of our 4 kids and him” I too have recently felt these feelings. To overcome them, I first remember that I am my husband’s helpmeet. I am his wife to help him…not myself, nor to be the boss. Secondly, I reflect on what he does allow me to make decisions on, and where I have freedom of likes and wants, and I see I have more room than I once thought to move and grow in, and I see my husband is not as controlling as I was thinking. Yes, there are guidlelines that we have both agreed upon that I abide by, but within these guidlelines, I see he often gives me the tools I need to do things, he spoils me a lot, and likes to fulfill my dreams – all because I honor him by being his helpmeet. I also acknowledge the fact that he also prizes my opinion and wisdom in regards to his work and activities he is involved in because I have won his heart through honoring him and being the helpmeet he wants me to be,. I then realize I am feeling sorry for myself and so I stop my attitude and change it immediately to a thankful and cheerful spirit.
You also say, “he is much more difficult to “take care of”. He often gives me “work” to do as his “secretary” and he depends on my help to do many different tasks related to his job…which is in ministry.” Yes, these Kingly types are lot of work! I couldn’t agree with you more. They require much more from us than the other types of men. But they are our men - the men we have chosen to marry and love. So we need to adapt ourselves and live up to the standard they require even if it means more work for us, and much more character building of ourselves. em even if it means more work. As I alluded in the previous paragraph, you are his wife which means you are his helpmeet. If he needs your help, cheerfully help him. Do all you can to help him. Learn to be more efficient in managing you home so you have time to help him with his work. Be creative and resourceful. If you are finding that you don’t have enough time to manage the home and help him with his work, then talk to him about it. Tell him your concerns and struggles. If he is a great man as you say he is, then he will be reasonable and help you out. Ask him what is most important to him that you should do…whether that be you caring for the home, or you helping him with his work. If he says the home, then suggest to him that he should get a secretary to take on these activities that you do so you can manage the home more efficiently. If he wants you to help him with his work, then suggest to him that you could have some help from a young lady or a house maid to ease your work at home. Be adaptable. Work with him. Be cheerful. Don’t see it as a chore. You are serving him and thus your family. You are setting a good example for your children for their future and their character. Enjoy the fact that your husband loves to be involved with you, that he wants you to be a woman of excellence, and wants you to be highly involved with him.
Reread Created to Be an Help Meet again. Read it slowly and careful with these concerns you have in mind. Ask God to show you how to improve and do better as your husband's help meet. You will be amazed with the wonderful wisdom and helpful ideas you will glean from the book that will help you with these exact areas you are dealing with. That is what helped me.
March 28, 2011
Hi again, well lets move on to chapter four. This week we will be talking about the Priestly type man and how we should respond to them . How many of you have Priest fathers or husbands? A Priestly type man as you will read in the Book is easygoing, not given to extremes, like the prophet type. They do not make snap decisions or try to tell others what to do. They avoid controversy. They tend to want to help others and are very giving. I had my grandfather move in with me and my family a few weeks ago, he is a Priestly type. He does not remember me or whats going on half the time but he still wants to serve me and help. Tonight as I was washing up the dishes he came over and told me “I want you to know that I appreciate you and if their is anything I can do for you, you let me know.” I have found that the more I keep him busy doing little things like opening the door for me he is happier. Priestly types will not tell you straight out to do this or that, they will ask you to do it, if you want to. But it is still just as much a command as when a king says “do this right now.” For if you do not listen to the priestly types {if you want to do this for me} they will feel dishonored and you will not gain their trust in you. Proverbs 31:11-12 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. The chapter goes on to talk about a hard working women that is out their serving others. A priestly type man does not want to have a wife that is sitting around wasting her time. So this week we are going to be studding the word idleness and shamefacedness. For those of you with fathers that are the Priest type, what can you tell us about them and how you respond to them? When we did this chapter with my home bible study group one of the girls with a Priest father said that she had to learned to be patient and wait for him to make decisions. Look up in the Bible and tell us what it has to say about these two words and give us your own definition of each word. Have fun learning! shalom
Shalom Ice Breaker: What idle thing do you do more than one time a week? Examples: Excessive reading, standing in front of the mirror, eating sitting at the computer, chating/gossiping with friends, excessive exercise, or texting. One of the girls at my study said, sleeping.
Caralee Okay...honestly, my problem is ...not managing my time on the computer (for various reasons: emailing, researching homeschooling, baking, cooking, writing too long of posts etc). So I trying to control this, hence why I was not on the last few days.
Shalom I would have to say, watching a netflix discovery show with my husband before bed. But then I am with my husband so that is a good thing.
swifttohear I daydream about how to decorate our new home, what furniture to take, what to give away, where to put it, what new things we need, etc... Very time-consuming, and rather unproductive! It makes me think of James 4:14, "Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."
Shalom I am so doing this right now, daydreaming. We are adding on to our home to make more room for my Grandfather, and the new room is going to be mine and I can not stop thinking about floor, wall color etc. etc.
Caralee I think it is alright to dream about these things. We are home makers. We just need to keep it in balance in regards to money spent, amount of time and effort we put into it etc - all the while keeping our responsibilities going.
Last November, my hubby gave me the go ahead to spend money! Hurray! Seriously though, we decided to get new baseboards and casing for our doors and windows on our top floor, and for our living room/dining room/kitchen, we got some new furniture and curtains. It was sooo much fun! But then it causes a person to see all the "yuck" that is left in the house that needs to be changed. It really is a never ending thing isn't it if you don't learn to be content? Ha!Ha!
Bethany Facebook stalking. I do waaaay too much of that.
Shalom Girls beware of facebooking, Husbands and future husbands will see it as a waste of time and everything you put out there is going to be with you for life so be {chaste} with it.
Caralee Shalom you are so right. My husband cannot fathom why people would share sooo much personal information and opinions on that site.
But the concern is that the youth of today don't really discern the foolishness and danger on that site, so many of them think it is cool.
Laura Reading would definitely be mine.
Shalom I read a lot when I was young so I went on a one year fast from reading nothing but the Bible or related books. I still love reading, just don't have the time, oh well.
Hope Way to much time on line! I try to only go onto things that are edifying and godly but it's still to much time on here and less in God's Word and prayer.
Faith Grubb I agree with Bethany. I also spend too much time getting everything 'just right' in front of the mirror!
Shalom I am sure my husband would like me to spend more time at the mirror, I am not good at making time for me, I am working on it though.
Lexi Ah, I tend to read just about anything that has been recommended to me. Whether it is educational, thus could have potential value in my life on a day to day basis, or not so educational. Often I could be prioritizing my time better.
Bekah Ooohhh...OUCH!!! Shalom, did you HAVE to choose that one?!?! I am 18 and waste WAY too much time, but am working on setting limits. The thing I waste the most time doing is probably...watching movies or reading...I guess it depends a lot of the movie and book, but still could be described as a waste of time.
What I am discovering is that I need to set boundries~ I only get to watch a movie after I've done other more important things, etc. That helps a lot. And it's sorta motivation to sit down and get your work done in really good time. :)
Bekah Oh and I have a Priestly Father! :) He is a good man...but can get very annoying...these types of men usually don't like to create waves, even when they should, which can drive a go-to-gal nuts! ;)
However, having such a steady, balanced man can be a real blessing as he keeps a go-to-gal from doing extreme and irrational things...
An important trait to have when living with a Priest is to be patient and to be understanding. He has feelings too...just isn't as quick to voice them as the Prophet or King might be!
Faith Grubb Well you're Go-to-gal too!! I was in your shoes a year ago (wasting a ton on movies, book and/or writing!- still there some). Stick to Him and you'll pull through :)
Shalom You are right Bekah they do not like to share their feelings, but I think that could go with all three types of guys, if we do not as wives and daughters give them the respect they want. It is great that you get to be learning how to be quiet and have patience right now while you are still at home. I am sure your hubby-to-be will be happy you did.
Kait Daydreaming!
Faith Grubb My Daddy's a Steady 'Priest' man. I sometimes
I have learned from my mother that if I married a Steady man I would have to learn allot of patience. I have already, being a Steady's daughter but not as much as I would need to be a wife of such (my brother also is one and my other brother a Visionary/Command man).
My Daddy does that. He only ask everyone to do this or that and then it upsets him and he gets angry sometimes you wonder 'what set him off?' then you remember that he asked someone to do something and they took it only as a suggestion.
Also as a Steady man's daughter I have to learn that he still is the head and that I can't over run him just because he's quiet and likes to tell you his answer next week not today. For me that's hard and challenging (I'm a Go-to-gal, so is my Mama). She is the greatest role model and is so like Miss Virtuous woman (Pvb. 31). She manages Daddy's (and our) family band and assigns (like any store or business manager) different little tasks to us children. She also has purchased some hogs and is raising them with my brothers and is now searching for a buyer.
So my point: As a future wife of a Steady man learn to stay busy but not lazy (i.e. not busy with unproductive things, such as facebook, primping, reading, gossiping etc.).
Keep your home business (photography, baking, animals) and save up for a nice anniversary get away for you and he or save up for the new car he's always wanted even for more animals to invest in to feed your family!
I sometimes feel God wants me to be a Steady's wife but recently he's been working on me to get along with and respect my (frustrating to me) Visionary/Command Man brother!
Steady guys are fun so don't worry, but for certain girls they can get boring, not in my experience yet (and I'm 19)!
Shalom Did you girls read what Faith said about Steady fathers getting Angry? This is common with this type, they will stay quiet and let it build up and then, out of nowhere they will get mad and lay the law down or try to. So if you do not want to anger your father or husband-to-be learn to listen to his heart not just his words.
Faith Grubb My study on Idleness and Shamefacedness:
"By much slothfulness the building decayeth; and through idleness of the hands the house droppeth through." Ecclesiastes 10:18
Reminds me of the young man Mike Pearl mentioned once. He was handsome strong etc. but his house was a shack and when Mike Pearl visited he noticed that a hole in the kitchen floor was only covered with a rug that house sure 'dropped through'!
So idleness is called a 'bread'. So we're not to sit idle eating sounds like to me, I can get idle sometimes but with the prompts from the Spirit I jump up to someone's aid.
Shamefacedness: A Jewel.
Don't wear pearls, diamonds or gold but shamefacedness, sobriety and modest apparel!
How simple. Read, heed, obey, and do it!
God is so good!
Shalom Amen sister!
xoxo I spend WAY too much time online and reading books! I LOVE the library and have like a billions different websites I go too. I need to spend more time studying the Bible and laying out my heart before the LORD. (Praying)
Bekah @ Faith Grubb~ you reminded me of one of the common traits of a Steady Man!
It is hard to tell when they mean it and when they don't! For example, if I were to ask my Dad if I could use the van or not, he would reply, "I don't care. Whatever..." whereas a Kingly man would emphatically say "yes" or "no". However, the Priestly man (my Dad) will leave the choice up to you...
Say you end up taking the van...later he gets mad cause you used it and he didn't want you to. But because he didn't specifically say "no", you thought he was fine with it.
Learning to understand the Priestly/Steady man is the challenge of a lifetime, but the rewards are, once you know the way he thinks, he's not going to change his way of thinking on ya any time soon! :D
Faith Grubb That's my Daddy! In that place I'd tell him, "Just to make sure, is it okay I use the car?" He'll see how important it is to you, so he'll give an 'important' answer. They're fun :)
Shalom You sound like you really love/ respect your dad that is great! Good step to being a good wife, ladies.
Faith Grubb Thank you for the encouragement!
Bekah Thanks, Shalom! :)
Melody Grubb I'd like to add a little to what my sister said about living with a priestly father.:) I love my priestly father. He is so kind, gentle, and patient. My brother is that way too, and it really endears them to me! At other times, however, they can be frustrating. Like my sister Faith said, Daddy will 'suggest' something and when it is not heeded, he gets angry and frustrated that his request was not honored.
Like most steady men, Daddy is shy about relationships. Sometimes I wish he was a bit more straightforward in giving me direction-- telling me how he thinks I'm doing, what I need to change in my attitude/character, etc. It isn't as easy to talk to him about heart-to-heart matters as it is with my Go-To mom. However, it has helped me to be more attentive to his reactions and when he does speak his opinion, it means he is really serious about it.
Melody Grubb My time-waster is sitting at the computer. I come to check my email, and it turns into an hour before I know it. Like one of you said, even if it's educational, it's still a time-waster because it's the wrong timing. I am working on scheduling in this area because that is the only way I will have control of my computer use.
This is something, like Shalom said, that really bothers a Steady man. My daddy is always telling us the importance of using our time wisely. I am thankful for his wisdom and am working on heeding it better.
Hannah L. I would LOVE to marry a Mr. Steady! My Pappy is very much a Steady, and we are great buddies. A Mr. Steady’s faithful and “none-pressuring” personality seem almost like Heaven to an emotional and driven girl-prophet like me! :)
I think one good definition for “shamefacedness” is “restrained by a sense of propriety; hence, not forward or bold; not presumptuous or arrogant.” This word also seems to carry the idea of having a “downcast look.” This word seems directly connected to modesty (1 Timothy 2:9-10).
The study on idleness was convicting. Other words describing idleness are “slothful, doing nothing, unproductive, useless, barren, unfruitful, unprofitable, vain, to lose or spend time in inaction.” Not the way I want to be! One scary verse on idleness is Ezekiel 16:49, where God says that pride, fullness of bread, and much idleness were the sins that lead the city of Sodom into abominations and, eventually, destruction. Younger women are specifically warned not to be idle in 1 Timothy 5:13.
Bekah Shalom, what you said about Priestly men getting angry all of a sudden and attempting to lay down the law is so true...learning to shut up and just let him let it all out is important! :)
Shalom Ok girls, I had a thought, for all you queenly/dreamer type girls. You will most likely marry a priest type man for they are generally attracted to your type and vice versa. So this is a worning to be prepared. He will always be slower than you. You will want to be out doing, having a life and he will be content to let it be. It is Ok for you to go out and do somthing. He will look on with pride and joy that you are his. But if you just sit at home being mad that he won't get out and do somthing with you then you will both be unhappy. I know an older couple that the husband is happy to just come home from work and take a nap than read and go to bed, His wife stays mad at him most of the time. She will say to me, "He thinks he is already an old man and never wants to do anything. She sits at home and has no life outside of waiting for him to do something with her. She is a visionary type and wants to do all kinds of things, yet she thinks she is being a good submissive wife staying home cooking for him and washing his cloths, when the truth is, he just wants her to have a life of her own and then at night enjoy their time together to talk about what they got done that day. This is just a thought do any of you have any insight?
Caralee Oh Shalom! You hit something right on the nail! But I would like to add something to your post. This can be something the other two types of men also like for us queenly/dreamer type of girls to do.
As I read your post, I was convicted of my own foolishness in the last year. I am the queenly/dreamer type. My husband is the command/visionary type. When he comes home after working really hard, after supper, he likes to lay down and spend his time talking to me, then with our children. I have found this difficult as I am a "get things done type of gal" and sitting down for me is unprofitable. (For those who will give advice, I have tried to occupy my hands during this time by knitting or crocheting etc, but my husband likes my full attention and has kindly requested I don't do this. Remember, he is the command type of man - he likes me to serve him the way he sees fit. So I am taking Debi 's advice and doing what he wants. ) Furthermore, my queenly side gets the best of me and I think I know the best and most profitable way to spend the evening.
Shalom, this was a very good reminder. I needed to hear it. Thankyou.
Young ladies - See? Even long time married women need to still grow and change. :)
swifttohear Ah! I can relate... My problem is that I just want to be with my husband so much that if I go off and do things on my own, I miss him more! Mind you, he works a schedule that has him home for six days in a row. This can be challenging, because although I can teach the kids to pick up their coats and tidy their boots, I can't teach him! I am often reminded of the verses pertaining to serving gladly, and having long-suffering and patience with joyfulness (Col. 1). So when I start to cringe when I see that same old mess at the front door, I push it away with a smile and a reminder to be grateful that I have a mess to clean! It's all about perspective.
My hubby is less outdoorsy than I. He doesn't even like camping (sad), so I take the kids by myself to camp "out" in my parents' back yard. It has turned into great quality time for me and the kids every summer, and we've come to love it. God can turn any 'inconvenience' into a blessing, as long as we have the heart to recognize it as such!
Faith Grubb That is a very good warning Miss Shalom,
"the husband is happy to just come home from work and take a nap than read and go to bed" is my Daddy, he works a lot of overtime. But Mama (also a Go-to-Gal like me) does 'live it up' for Jesus all the time and Daddy is so proud of her (yesterday was their 25th Wedding Anniversary).
She's a great example and will be a great one to turn to for counsel when I am married be it a Priest or any type guy!
I would also be warning myself not to go all out with 'my life' either- if I married a Priest. Because then you'll run into Him feeling left high and dry.
Another example I look at is Miss Shashonna (Pearl) Easling. I love her Bulk Herb store and I can really see how its more her business and her man is a more Steady guy who looks on with pride (could be wrong?).
Bekah I absolutely loved what you said, Shalom!! :)
The Priestly man will go bonkers if his Go-to-gal wife sits around doing nothing!!!!! This is my Dad!!!! He delights in seeing us (Mom and I) busy, and doing profitable things. I don't mean busy doing things that aren't really getting us anywhere~ I mean getting out there and getting the job done, so to speak! :)
My Dad is the type who comes home from work and will often just take a bath, listen to the radio or something, then off to bed. Now and then he will do an odd job, but sometimes, if you aren't careful, it's easy to think of him as lazy because he doesn't do anything when he gets home. From what I can see, this is typical of many men, not just a Priestly man.
Another thing I wanted to add to this conversation is that the women who are married to a Prophet or Kingly man often envy the women who are married to the Priestly man because their lives are so stable and predictable. :)
I think learning to be content in whatsoever state one is, is the key to being happy no matter what your situation...however knowing that and doing that are two different things...I am working on it! :)
Shalom I posted this under another post on this sight but thought I would put it up here for you girls to read too, it is good info. I want to share with you something that a lot of girls ask. {What is God’s will for my life.} This is mostly coming out of chapter 6 of Preparing so if you want read that chapter again it would help you understand what I am saying better. God made Adam; he got lonely, so God made a woman for HIM. To be His helper. A woman reflects the man from which she was derived. She was made for him. God created us so that we could meet his needs, body, soul, mind and emotions. We were created to be a blessing and help to him. We know we were CREATED to marry and serve our husbands, to be his helper. So does God call us to do something out side of why we were created in the first place? I am just asking, I do not know the answer. At the same time God says, “There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried women careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: But she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she my please her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:34 Both are just as important to obey. I told my girls at my preparing class last night. The more you serve God, learn to love him, obey his word, walk in his will and not your own, be humble and chaste in your walk before God, then when you get married you will be prepared to be a wife no matter what type of man you marry; Prophet, Priest or king, for God is all three. If you learn to serve and obey the King of Kings then how much more should you be able to serve a small picture of who he is. So I want you to remember and never forget you were created to be a helper, serving God now is just a training ground to do what God made you for in the beginning. Have you ever heard a wife talking bad about her husband or a wife getting offended and keeping her heart from him, how about her just showing him disrespect. When you see a wife do this do you think she is wrong? Well, what about you? Are you disrespectful to God at times, talk bad about someone, or do anything that is not bringing glory to your Man/God? Is that not just as wrong? He did say young women serve God and married women serve your husbands in the same reference. Oh My, this is tough love. I wish I had thought of this as a young unmarried women, this is good stuff. Ok, sorry for the long post. Go love your Man/God
Caralee Amen! Excellent! So convicting and yet amazingly truthful and freeing!
I am writing this down for future reference. You wrote a most challenging post. I totally concur with you on this. I have come to this understanding in recent years that God's will for me is to be a help meet for my husband.
Shalom says, "So does God call us to do something out side of why we were created in the first place?" Wow! What a question!
Your post would be great to turn into an article or a study as it has sooo much in it to learn about from the Bible.
Shalom says, "So I want you to remember and never forget you were created to be a helper, serving God now is just a training ground to do what God made you for in the beginning. " Excellent advice.
swifttohear That one is worthy of an AMEN, sister!
Bekah And yet another says Amen! :)
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Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girl—or at least that’s the way it should be. Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was—how shall I say it—a frustrating learning experience.
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swifttohear 1. Phil. 2:5, “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus”. By sharing in God's “eternal vision”, my role as a wife will be made clear to me through the scriptures. It's my job to hear His voice, and to obey Him.
2. Peace and joy are found in fulfilling my mission here on earth, for the glory of God. My mission is to meet my husband's needs. Each day that I fulfill my mission, God is glorified, my home is peaceful, and my heart rejoices: “the woman is the glory of the man” 1 Cor. 11:7; the woman was created for the man (vs.9); the man shall rule over her (Gen.3:16). “Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God and keep it” Lk. 11:28b.
3. There is no excuse for disobedience. God has fully equipped me to fulfill my role as a wife, and my husband's shortcomings are irrelevant to my duty toward God. “If ye love me, keep my commandments” John 14:15. There is no “but”, “if”, or “unless” to this verse (note to self)!
4. God gives wisdom to all who ask for it in faith. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering” James 1:5-6a. The wisdom that is from above will help me meet my husband's needs, as well as the Lord's requirements of me. Earthly wisdom will only detract from my fulfillment, my security, and my happiness.
5. submit, reverence, honour. Women are “commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law” 1 Cor. 14:34.
6. Romans 13:14, “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof”. To know God, I have to put Him on, to humble myself before Him accepting His chastisement, and to draw nigh to God by learning His Word and adhering to it.
7. Yes, please! “And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts” Gal. 5:24.
The best thing about obeying God are the blessings He piles on us as a result. I have never met a wife (or anyone else, for that matter) who resisted His Word and showed herself to be either happy or blessed.
I think my favorite line of Debi's from this chapter is “I am not altogether gullible”!!! She's the best! :)
Shalom, our prayers are most definitely with you, and you will be exceedingly blessed. I cry for joy for you. :) :)