Posted December 6, 2012

Hi everyone, I would love some advice on what to do if you appear too smart to guys. I am relatively intelligent and can have meaningful conversations (even understanding more complex things), outgoing and approachable but for some reason I’ve never had a relationship with a guy. A friend of mine mentioned last week how: “being smart can be intimidating to guys.”
Do you think so too? Any tips?
My plan is a marriage for a life time, once in a life time decision, so I don’t want to get any guy but I don’t want to get someone too ‘boring’ – if you know what I mean. Thanks and God bless! xxox


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  1. blackwhitedenim

    Haha! I have also thought and wondered the same thing. I’m pretty smart, but only ever had one guy seriously interested in me. And he was smarter than me! But in all honesty, I would rather not marry someone I think is “dumb”. Even if I pretend he is smart in the beginning, or try to make him look smarter than he is, you can’t fake it for a whole marriage.

    A girl who understands things like doctrine, science, and politics is kind of rare. I think most girls are very shallow and tend to care more about hair, makeup, and clothes. The ‘smart’ ones (like myself) tend to not care at all about hair, makeup, and clothes.

    One thing to remember is that it’s okay if people don’t know you are smart. Don’t act dumb, but don’t be a “walking encyclopedia” and make everyone else feel dumb. As bad as I want to, I try to not give my opinion on something unless people ask. But even if you hide your smarts, I think they will come out eventually.

    I suspect that most guys want someone they can provide for, protect, give advice to… basically someone that needs them. It’s possible that you could be coming off as a girl who can “kill her own snakes”. I haven’t figured out what to do about this yet, but let me know if you come up with an intelligent solution. πŸ˜‰

    # December 6, 2012

  2. Naomi

    Don’t make your intelligence what defines you. Make the Lord the defining point of your life. It is not the smart woman, the beautiful woman, or the talented woman that receives lasting praise but “a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised” (Prov. 31:30). I’m sure the man the Lord’s picked out for you isn’t a dullard. πŸ˜‰

    # December 6, 2012

  3. Naomi

    (Oops, clicked too soon.)

    God is the one who thought up marriage. It’s for a lifetime, so it stands to reason that He designs the personalities that will best function together and endure. There is a proper balance in all things. Intelligence in a man is important but it isn’t everything. I’m pretty sure that whoever the Lord places in your life you’ll consider the most brilliant mastermind in the world. πŸ™‚

    # December 6, 2012

  4. evelyn

    This is a question I have been debating too. I am a college student currently and due to a couple different things I entered at a young age comparatively to most people, and I am pretty smart… and have kinda gained a bit of a reputation relating to that since my major is fairly small and stuff. Not that I go telling everyone or anything, sometimes it just comes up and eventually it got around a bit. I haven’t ever had any prospects/interested guys either.
    Honestly, I feel like in the long run it would be harder for me to completely honor and respect a man that was significantly less smart than me… of course we all have areas of expertise and all but overall is what I mean. Not trying to be boastful or picky, just realistic. But of course I don’t have any experience to go by so I could be wrong.

    I don’t really know what to do about this either. Some of you older women, help us out! πŸ™‚

    # December 6, 2012

  5. akiteinthesky

    I felt the same way in high school. I was told that I was intimidating and just to smart. I could debate and discuss. I think the thing I have to be most careful about is arrogance. I might be smart in several areas. I might discuss theology, and politics but there are so many other areas I know nothing about. I am in a relationship with a young man and one of the things he most liked about me was that I liked to discuss things and ideas. He likes how Im smart and he is smart though differently He understands machines, computers and can fix his own car. He knows how to building things and is studying engineering. we are both smart just differently. Find someone who likes you for you. For a smart girl who wants to discuss. because there are guys out there who are looking for that I know some. And by the way My man likes how I can be strong and independent but its so important to point out where the guy is smart and what he is good at. and make him feel needed. keep hope!

    # December 7, 2012

    • blackwhitedenim

      This is good. People have different areas of ‘smart’.

      # December 7, 2012

  6. smartcookie

    Hi everyone. I just wanted to say a BIG thank you for your answers. They have helped me out and are in line with what I’ve been learning. πŸ™‚

    @ blackwhitedenim – What I try to do is to ask questions about the other person, talking more about them than myself. But at the same time I have realised that I’ve got to talk about things that interest me, gets me enthusiastic, what my hobbies are, and share info on myself. I find it’s important to not hide behind ‘being perfect’ but rather show that you are human and make mistakes too. In other words, you can laugh about yourself and not take life too seriously.

    # December 15, 2012

  7. smartcookie

    @ Naomi – thank you for your words of wisdom, kindness and the scriptures from Proverbs. That scripture in Proverbs 31:30 about β€œa woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised” was read out to me by my Mum when I was born. Fearing the Lord is by far the most important thing! I have also realised that God has my future husband in mind with my characteristics and personality and that I don’t need to adapt/change who God has made me to be. πŸ™‚ Thanks Naomi!

    # December 15, 2012

  8. smartcookie

    @ evelyn – You know what, when I started uni I said to the Lord that I don’t want to be in a relationship until I’m finished with uni. I knew I could wait for 4 years and that I would be busy with work and studying at uni during that time. When I wrote in my question above, that I didn’t know why I had no suitable interested guys, I realised in the last 1 1/2 months why. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that it was because I asked the Lord at the beginning of my studies that I didn’t want to be in a relationship. Now, 5 years later, there is a possible someone who the Lord has revealed to me. Praise the Lord! Let’s see what happens. πŸ™‚

    # December 15, 2012

  9. smartcookie

    @ akiteinthesky – I find it useful how you said: “Find someone who likes you for you” and to “make him feel needed.” Very useful! That’s what I need to be! Thanks.

    # December 15, 2012

  10. genna

    Multiple intelligence’s include-


    Most people have at least one or two intelligence they are strong in. Some have many. All humans crave respect and value of the things they are good at. Show interest in and admiration for a guys intelligence and he’s less likely to be intimidated by yours.

    I try not to dumb myself down, as tempting as that can be. I am “book-smart” and thankful for it!!! But I have so much respect for someone who can identify plants or animal tracks, sheer sheep, do complicated algebra or fix broken machines without a manual. All things I cannot do well.

    I have to say, in my experience guys are so sweet when you show respect for their abilities. If you suspect your braininess is coming on too strong, ask him what he likes to do in his spare time and it shouldn’t take too long to figure out what he is good at.

    # December 25, 2012

    • genna

      Oops, based on my spelling in that post you may not believe I am ‘book-smart.’ Haha I have no defence….

      # December 25, 2012

  11. christybea

    i feel the same way as you do @smartcookie…i think that is one of the reasons the last relationship i was in did not work…i try not to be so smart sounding but sometimes i can’t help it…and i made him appear smarter in my mind because i was happy to have someone interested in me….
    everyone’s answers made sense and i am really glad i found this question…

    # January 15, 2013