Posted January 9, 2013

So I’m just wondering exactly how much touching a Christian couple can do before marriage. What is appropriate? Is it okay to hold hands? Kiss? Or should you not even touch at all? And if possible, could you give me Bible verses that talk about this subject? Thank you!


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  1. aworkinprogress1611

    Hi, 1 Corinthians 7:1 says, It is not good for a man to touch a woman.
    I have always said I wouldn’t date someone unless they could be someone to marry. I have done alot of messing up in my young years and learned alot. Purity is a SPECIAL thing. You may say,” I just want to hold his hand”. Well some can control it to just that but many others cannot. I advise to keep things as clean and pure as you can. If your not engaged, then don’t touch him at all. If you dont ever marry these guys then someday when you do marry you’ll have already given so many special moments away to someone else. This may seem unimportant but believe me, Its Important! If you are engaged, Well I say I’ll be with him the rest of my life, why not wait so it’s even more special, but My parents kissed once or twice while engaged. I guess its a preference but if you don’t have much control then just wait. It’ll be worth it in the end. I promise!
    I could say alot more but I’d be typing forever. I hope this helps!

    # January 14, 2013

    • kelseymarie

      Isn’t 1 Corinthians referring to sex in that passage? That’s what I always pressumed.

      # January 21, 2013

      • flower

        If the context was sex, I think Paul would have used stronger language. “It is good not to” doesn’t quite equal “abomination.” “It is good not to” simply means it’s better not to, and the Bible has much stronger words for the adulterer/fornicator. I personally draw the line at shaking hands/fist bump/high five/pat on the back. I rarely hug guys (not including relatives); but the way I see it, it’s largely up to personal definition of “it is good not to.”

        # April 18, 2013

  2. faithgrubb9a2faithgirl

    I know people who have touched while engaged and before. But for me I know I’m very vulnerable (and I would be a mess with all those doubled emotions that come with touching) so I’ve only allowed myself holding hands, but while engaged. I think its different for certain people but I never did really like how kissing is ‘okay’ while engaged. And yet I don’t have verses to prove this. But I know it will be special and that God made a man and woman to be intimate once married.

    I mean think about it do you think Rebecca and Issac were aloud to hold hands or kiss before the wedding night? God knows your heart too, pray about it and discuss it with him.

    # January 17, 2013

    • patrickneilharris

      Well, Rebecca had a nose ring, I think. I’ve been thinking about that stuff a lot, do you think it would be okay if I got one? I’m not sure, and I’d like some advice.

      # January 19, 2013

      • blackwhitedenim

        I’m not sure if you are actually serious about the nose ring or not, but there have been several lengthy threads about piercings already on this site. It might be worth your time to see if they are still up. Otherwise, they do sell magnetic ones that look real.

        # January 28, 2013

  3. akiteinthesky

    I cant say that I know the answer to this question, but I can tell you about some things i’ve learned from my own relationship with my serious boy friend of over a year. first I think holding hands is pretty innocent and I like holding hands with my boyfriend and feel no guilt or shame about it. it shows we care for each other and are together. He is my first boyfriend and we are very serious. What I have learned that Rules are rules and unless your heart is in the right place the rules wont hold you. Its important to surround your self with wise people for advise and accountability and prayer, because purity is difficult . I believe location is everything. example sitting at my house with all my family watching a movie non threatening I feel comfortable sitting closer to him leaning my head on his shoulder, but if we were all alone it would be a bad situation. are main boundary is to not be completely alone. also if you start to hug, hold hands, kiss, cuddle it is very very hard to back up once you start these things so you have to make wise choices about what your boundaries are and fight for them and your man has to be committed to them as well. to me it boils down to lots of prayer and conviction the holy spirit to discern what is and is not okay.

    # January 17, 2013

  4. oreo

    I have always been very hands off with my boyfriend (of almost 3 yrs) because I’ve always felt if I let it get started, I wouldn’t be able stop, and never wanted to find out how far I could go. My sister on the other hand holds hands, I’ve seen them hug, but doubt they kiss, and they seem fine.
    I also read ‘Passion and Purity’ by Elisabeth Elliot, it helped me put things into perspective.

    # January 19, 2013

  5. lizzieteacher

    My brother and his girlfriend are committed to having a hand’s free courtship. They are staying true to this and don’t have any physical contact. God Bless them for making this stand

    # January 24, 2013

  6. brattangel2011

    Well, I am not one of those people who say DON’T or anything. What I will say is that it is easy for things to get out of hand.

    My last relationship with my fiancee’ was ruined and we had to break things off because of how quickly “just holding hands” can get thrown over the bridge.

    We NEVER intended to go as far as we did, and it scared us how far we let it go. The only thing he could reason in himself was to break off the engagement before things got worse.

    We are both left with pain, a sense of betrayal, and the loss of someone we loved dearly. Even now, what we did brings me guilt and shame.

    I also miss him so much, and still love him so desperately.

    I am not trying to say touching is bad. What I am trying to say is to be careful. I thought I knew my limits. We tried to bathe everything in prayer. But we are human, and we fall. And it is so easy to do so. I don’t want others to experience the pain and suffering I have felt, so this is my warning to you:

    You can ask anyone for their opinions, but ultimately you will have to give an account for everything you have done in life. God won’t accept “but they said…” Pray about it. Search the scripture. Continue to seek counsel.

    God bless you.

    -Britt (Prov. 31:30)

    # January 29, 2013

  7. beth

    I have come to the conclusion of being completely “hands off” until at least I am engaged. No holding hands, kissing, snuggling, etc. I would be okay with touching if it is completely of a non-romantic practical bent. For example if he was helping me up a steep incline while hiking or during family prayer. I allow a few select men to give me side hugs but they are all men I have come to trust and are more like uncles or grandfathers to me. Until recently I held that I would keep this standard until the marriage ceremony, but I have began to wonder about holding hands after I am engaged. I guess that is when I would most be prone to stumbling, so I should hold my ground even then.

    Something that I read was that we should see how many “firsts” we can save for our husbands. Our first kiss, our first candlelight dinner, our first “I love you”, etc. I thought it was a really fun idea.

    Twice I have regretted the level of contact that I have allowed. One was when I was 14 and in a square dance with a group of young people. One of the fellows began to hold me really close and it really bothered me. I wish I had never gotten into the dance (I was pressured into it) and now hold to only dancing with my brothers or other girls. The other time was when I was 19 and a guy friend whom I new was interested in me caught me off guard with a side hug. Now, I wish I had slipped out of his grasp instead of allowing the hug. I think part of the reason I regret these things is because I later found out in both cases the guys were not of the noblest of character in how they treated women.

    For me, touch is something I am very sensitive too and I know it would be very easy for me to stumble, or have incorrect thoughts, if I allowed physical touch into a relationship. Even if it is hard, and sometimes awkward now, I am sure I and my husband will be glad I have made these choice.

    But, all my ramblings aside, consider what could be a stumbling block to your purity. Also, I think you need to think about what your future husband would think of each interaction. Would he want you kissing someone other than him? Or holding hands? Or you snuggling up beside someone other than him?

    One way I heard it put is- do you want him doing “_____” with someone other than you? Then don’t you do it with someone else.

    The best Bible verse I can think of that applies to this is, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In other words, don’t be doing something that you want your husband to save for you.

    # March 2, 2013