Posted June 10, 2013

Hi, I have a husband who prefers to play his video games and computer games, and does not like spending time or talking to me. What should I do? I am a christian woman , I’ve tried to be the best help meet for him , I’m lost at what to do . I’m hoping you can give me some insight. Thank you



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  1. swifttohear

    First let me say unequivocally that video games are a snare to men. There is nothing to gain by playing them; they are vain, unproductive, and mind-numbing. They are inundated with occult themes not only on a subtle level, but also on a blatantly contrived level. They encourage sexual deviation and blood lust, often pairing them together. They distract and lead astray Christian men from their sole purpose in life, which is to give God glory. I despise them.

    That having been said, my husband plays them, too. He knows exactly how I feel about them. He knows exactly how God feels about them. He chooses to play them anyway. He understands, as I do, that the choice is his and so is the accountability.

    What can you do about it? I’ll tell you what I have done. At first, in the evenings when he gamed, I pouted and made a bit of a fuss. That didn’t work. I tried joining him. That didn’t work, either. Then I had children and I was too distracted to care too much. The distraction didn’t last long. Finally, I decided to forget about improving him and focus on improving myself. So, I became productive. By productive, I mean God-honouring: labour done in the Lord, which is never in vain. I began reading and studying the Bible during that time. Then I began memorizing Bible verses (or reading a Debi Pearl book!). By this time, my bitterness was ebbing swiftly away. Sometimes I would take time to praise my husband’s gaming skills. Otherwise, I would tease him about what he was missing out on. The point is, I was no longer upset. The study of the Word and of doctrine has a way of diminishing the cares of this world. I still ardently loved my husband, but his gaming didn’t bother me anymore. Satan, sin, and the persecution of God, the church, and the Bible bothered me instead.

    Romans 8:33 says, “Who shall lay anything to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth”.

    If your husband is a Christian, he is one of God’s elect, and he is your spiritual head. Accusing him of being wrong (even if it’s true) is not okay. God will hold him accountable and I daresay that God’s vengeance for the pain you suffer as a result of your husband’s vice will be far worse than anything you could put him through in this world. But that’s assuming you’re innocent. What are your vices? Do you spend time reading novels, watching secular television, or listening to unchristian music? Aren’t you ever “idle”? If you allow yourself such vices, then you are under just as much satanic influence as your husband is and you both err.

    Take out the encumbrances that are in your own eyes and see the situation clearly. When you are without fault (having confessed and repented of your sins before God, receiving forgiveness), appeal to your husband to stop playing so much. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. Use the time to do something productive. I wrote a book. If my husband hadn’t gamed almost every night of our marriage for the past eight years, I never would have been able to write it! God’s blessings are so often found in the most unlikely of places. Find them for yourself and give God glory for your difficulty! He chastens those He loves. 🙂

    # July 9, 2013

    • betsy

      Just curious, Swifttohear, is your book published? What is it called? Thanks!

      # July 17, 2013

      • swifttohear

        Hey, Betsy
        Lord willing, it will be published in a few months. It’s called “Delivering Women from the Snares of Death”. Please pray that women will be blessed by it!

        # July 22, 2013

      • blackwhitedenim

        Wait, Swifttohear has a book? I have to get in on this!!

        # July 25, 2013

        • swifttohear

          It’s published!! Praise the Lord; my gratitude is full!

          You can find it on or Just search “Delivering Women from the Snares of Death” and Paige Coleman.

          In the meantime, I’m going to find a way to get a discount copy for the ladies on this site or perhaps give away an ebook. If you have any ideas for this, let me know!!

          Please praise the Lord on my behalf (and yours!). We truly do serve an awesome God!


          # September 8, 2013

  2. melodymichelle

    Thank you for your words of wisdom. It helped me to see how my bitterness toward people (I’m not married) for things they’re doing wrong, is WRONG!

    # July 18, 2013

    • swifttohear

      Hooray! What a wonderful experience it is to learn from the Almighty God. I’m learning, too. 🙂

      # September 8, 2013

  3. thankfulwifey

    I’m back! After 2 years off the site 🙂 Missed you all!

    My husband loves video games “in theory.” haha What I mean by that is if you asked him, he would say I love them, if you looked at the amount of time he spends on them you would not believe it. Meaning he spends little time on them now.

    When we met he didn’t play much, too busy with me 🙂 After we got married he got back into them, but honestly not that much. There was always an “obsession” type phase after getting a new game as a gift from his family where he would play it continually. He would “conquer it” and then drop it. I used to freak out thinking I would never get him back, but once I realized the cycle would end with dropping them and not me I relaxed and had fun. I learned to play Zelda with him he enjoyed it and fed him when I wasn’t in the mood so he wouldn’t get his controller dirty haha. He would praise me to his brother and his brother was like “how do I get a wife like that?” When you have your mans heart you can woo him to you when God gives you opportunity. If you draw clear lines and judge (as swift did perhaps) they often rebel against you taking authority you dont have and dive deeper into a bad habit, just to prove you aren’t in charge. That has happened to me on many other things.

    Anyways, I also reccomend praying and not judging. My husband is in a new obsession phase now. New systems came out at Christmas. He mostly plays with the kids. They are a little obsessed, but I am pretty confident it will wane when the weather gets good again. He is massively overworked for this year and after dinner falls asleep unless highly stimulated by something like video games. I think it is a way for him to play with kids without falling asleep. Him being way overworked will end this summer and I am sure him and the kids will reduce the hours they log. He is starting to get excited about ways to participate in school with them, other things will come in, I’m not worried.

    You can say almost anything to your man if you are truly devoid of judgement. He was playing this brutally violent game on Roman times where he was defending Nero. I kept my head down reading it was so bad! I was like Nero!!! He used Christians as torches at his garden parties. He’s a dreamer so we started talking about if we lived then, He imagined he’d be a powerful centurion warrior and I was like I’d probably be in the colleseum about to be torn up by lions for not worshipping Nero and you would have to rescue me. I was able to share my concerns without judgment (viewing him as sinful or less holy than me and no air of authority whatsoever). He didn’t play long and hasn’t had much time since. He even tried to kill Nero, but the game wouldn’t let him 🙂 We even talked about the sickness of the colleseum and gladiators and is there any really difference with us today and being entertained by simulated violence. It was a wonderful conversation, God honoring and all possible because of no condemnation or judgement.

    Anyways, because you said he is acting like a child and look down on him and call yourself a Christian woman, he is not gonna want to hang out with you. You look down on him and elevate yourself spiritually all in your question. You wrote your question here so you defenitely have humility! Pray for God to change that superior attitude (as swift recommended). Do realize that there will be lost time as a result. You can’t speak into his heart and woo him till you win him back to liking you. That will take time after your superior attitude is gone. But don’t worry! You will know when its healed and when and how to speak, just keep praying!!!

    # February 21, 2014