Posted September 17, 2012

Has anyone had their younger sister marry first? Was it hard for you?

It’s a very real possibility for my younger sister, and while I’m happy for her, it’s kinda hard too, because all she’s ever thought about was music, makeup, clothes and looking good, and never worked much on getting ready for marriage in other ways. And now that she’s in a serious relationship she’s running to me asking me to teach her. The Lord taught me and helped me prepare, so I kinda think why can’t she get ready on her own. She’s the one that wasted time.

I know I shouldn’t feel that way but it just kinda feels unfair. I had a courtship just end a few months ago because I wasn’t “attractive enough” (true story)

I need prayer to guard against bitterness. I know it will be very hard for me. Especially as now I’m back to normal life without any sign whatsoever of another prospect.


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  1. CJ

    I just want to say that whoever you were courting a few months ago who said you weren’t “attractive enough” was certainly not good enough for you, and certainly did not deserve you. Don’t pay attention to guys like that who are just looking for a pretty face.
    I haven’t gone through what you describe because I don’t have a sister, but I pray that joy will overtake your life and the bitterness will not be a problem. Just remember to trust God, and He will direct all paths of your life. He loves you and wants you to have a great life. Don’t worry or stress over it!!

    # September 17, 2012

    • Daddys Girl

      CJ, I agree with you wholeheartedly!!!!!!!!:)

      # September 18, 2012

      • CJ

        Thanks! BTW, welcome to the site and I really like reading your comments! 😉 Cute name, too! 🙂

        # September 18, 2012

        • Daddys Girl

          Haha:) My friend Sarah Beth and i decided we like you commenting on here almost as much as Shalom. LOL. You give some good advice

          # September 19, 2012

  2. Miracle Baby

    If a man has true love for you, you will be the most beautiful thing in the world to him!
    Dear Sister, I’m praying for you today!

    # September 17, 2012

  3. helovesme

    I do understand how you feel. I am sure it is very hard to have your sister get married before you. I have been courting for a year now, however my younger sister(who has wanted to stay a little girl all her life) is as well for about 6 months now. I am currently attending Bible college where I met my man, and my parents have not had the opportunity to get to know him as well as my sister’s guy because he is from our home church. Their relationship has moved a lot faster then ours, which has been very tough as well as confusing at times. One of the harder things is that my parents have not held to the same standards with their relationship as they have required of me in mine.

    It is still a challenge to deal with, but I want you to know you are not alone in the matter. My mother has often said that everyone’s story is always different. I knew what she meant, but I didn’t really take it to heart until a couple of weeks ago. You have to remind yourself that God’s ways are always best. In high school I dated the same guy for 5 years. He left for Bible college and never spoke to me again. Now he is getting married and and I am completely content with that because that is his life and I am happy where I am.

    The young man that you had hurt you very much. I would not believe him one bit. Please remember that if that is what he said, he was not looking at things the right way and had the wrong motives. For two people who are in love things only get better. You never should settle for something less that you know you can have, although, some girls say no to guys who are great because they are waiting for the most perfect man with no flaws or disagreements at all. But that is another story.:)
    Anyway, just continue to stay faithful to the Lord. Trust in Him and pray for you sister. It might not hurt to pray for yourself as well, that you can have the right attitude. It’s a very humbling thing, but the Lord knows what you are going through. Best wishes to you.

    # December 29, 2012

  4. snowgirl

    Rachelle, it’s been months since I’ve been on this website and I never comment, but I saw your post and had to reply.

    I’m 29 years old and two of my four younger siblings are married, one of those a sister. When she was 15 and I was 22, she told me that she wouldn’t marry until I married. I, of course, told her that I wouldn’t hold her to that. She diligently prepared, as I had all my teen years, and by the time she was 16, she was in a courtship and planning to be married as soon as she turned 18. Because she was sweet and godly, I was so happy for her. She’s just had her 3rd baby and I never begrudge her the happiness.

    And yet, in the last couple of weeks, my other younger sister brought home her fiance, and she’s planning to be married very soon. As a younger woman, I would’ve totally been depressed and thought that it was so unfair. Though she’s changed a lot, for years she did her own thing, not preparing for marriage or even wanting to marry.

    But now that I’m older, I want the joy of marriage for her. Not because it’s something I’ve experienced myself, but because I know how badly I want it. True contentment shows through at times like these. When I was 25, I used to be so annoyed when someone 18 was getting married. It just didn’t seem “fair”. I would think that I was content because I was a very happy person, having a blast while making the most of my single years. But the fact that I struggled with bitterness when someone “so much more undeserving than myself” married showed where my heart really was. (And yes, you will need prayer to guard against it.) But now, I can truly say that I want that joy for her and all young women.

    It’s not that I don’t question anymore. It’s that the older you get, and the more experiences you go through, you learn to just trust God. Looking back on all the guys that I ever had any hopes of being married to, I have to say I’m soooo happy that none have worked out. I can honestly say that I’d rather be in my state than be married to any guy I ever liked. So I’ve learned to trust God and let him be in control, thanking him that he didn’t let things work out as I thought they should‘ve at the time.

    Also, I don’t think so much of myself as when I was younger. I used to think, “I’m pretty, nice, godly, and would make a WONDERFUL wife. Why doesn’t anybody want me?” The older I get, the more I realize that I’m not all I used to think that I was. (Obviously pride wasn’t something I could see in myself.) I’m just thankful that my husband won’t have to suffer while I figure that out. Through many trials as a single lady, I’m finally convinced that I‘m not so worthy as I used to believe.

    Anyway, I know the struggle, and as I continue to learn, I can tell you that “trust” is the answer. It makes a world of difference in the way we respond or react to others’ blessings. Ask yourself, “Am I trusting in God? And if I am, what do I have to worry about?” Trust begets contentment– resting in the goodness of God, even if we can’t quite see what’s so good about being alone. God knows what’s best. Will we trust him?

    One last thing. (I know by experience this may not seem so encouraging at this point in your life. But one day, you may look back and remember how discouraging you thought it was, and laugh, because you’ll realize singlehood can be something wonderful.) At 15, I couldn’t fathom being 18 and not married. At 18, I knew a 21 year old girl that wasn’t married and I just couldn’t imagine being in her shoes. At 21, I knew a woman who had just married at 29 years old and wondered how she’d survived so long being unmarried. At 23, I went to a conference where 35 year old single women were trying to encourage the younger ones by telling us that it wasn’t so bad. I was appalled. I thought, “I can’t see myself really being happy at 30 if I weren’t married. They must be lying. LIARS.” At 24, I talked with a 50 year old lady that had never been married. She seemed joyful, but I just cried at the thought that God might have that for my life. I just knew I’d be miserable. I honestly couldn’t imagine singlehood at THAT age without depression.

    At 25, my 28-year old friend married, and told me that the man she had was so worth the wait. It was the first time that I realized that I was getting older and guess what, I was still happy. I began to understand that trusting God one day, week, month, and year at a time, made for a happy life, even without a husband. At about 27, I finally could envision myself as a 50-year old woman, single and HAPPY.

    Not that I’m still not praying and hoping for a husband, but I’ve learned if God has that for me, wait on his time. It will be so worth it. JUST TRUST HIM.

    # January 2, 2013