Debi Pearl:  Hi, I’m Debi Pearl, and this is Mike Pearl, my honey, and we’re here today to read a question that’s come in from our mail and to answer it. Today’s letter is unusual because it’s from a young man. We don’t get a lot of questions from young men. And so here we go with this question.

Dear Mr. Pearl, I’ve had my eye on this girl for a year. Since I live in a different state, we keep in daily touch with Skype. Her parents are youth directors. Their home is always open to the youth and a bunch of youth hang out all weekend and have for years.

Since this girl was a teenager, several of the same guys that don’t seek the Lord spend the weekend evenings there watching movies or playing games. It looks bad.

She refers to these guys as her really good friends. A few weeks ago, I asked her point blank if she thought any of these guys were truly seeking God. Her answer was, “A little. I think they might be thinking about it. You need to get to know them because they’re really sweet.” Her choice of best friends give me pause. I wonder, am I jealous?

I tell you, I’ve gone back and forth as I consider her for my future wife. I know she wonders why I hesitate in popping the big question. In light of Psalms 1, I wonder why her best hangout buddies are lost guys.

I am His servant seeking first the kingdom of God. Should I go forward?

Michael Pearl:  Who you are is where your heart is, and so if her heart is with lost guys—I mean, if you really believe there’s a Heaven and a Hell, if you really believe there’s eternity and there’s a consequence for the way you live, then how could you have a friend that you didn’t share Christ with, if they’re not saved? You’re going to want to share Christ every time you see them. If you did share Christ with them every time you see them, they would either become a Christian or they wouldn’t come around anymore.

Debi Pearl:  That’s right.

Michael:  But she’s allowing these visitors to set the tone of who and what she is, and the young man sees it. I would flee from such a girl, myself. I wouldn’t have anything to do with her. I just wouldn’t trust her. Now, if you feel like God’s led you there and your heart’s really there, then you need to just sit down and have a heart‑to‑heart with her and say, “Why do you have unsaved friends? Why are you not sharing Christ with them?”

Get to the bottom of it. Maybe she needs some guidance. Maybe she needs some steering. But I’m with you. I would have more than pause. I would just say goodbye, and I’d let her marry one of those guys that she likes so well.

Debi:  Yeah, I’d say this to older parents who have teenage children. You need to remember your home is a refuge. It’s a place of safety. Setting up an entertainment of your home is a bad way to do it. It’s like being Lot. You might say you’re ministering, but when children or teenagers come over three times straight in a row and they’re still lost, but they like to come to your house to hang out, then you don’t have a house that is ministering, you have a house that is an entertainment center that is entertaining lost people.

They ought not feel comfortable at your place after two or three times of coming. They should feel either terribly under conviction or just want to leave, because your place should be a sanctuary unto the Lord. Your children should be safe in an environment of growing up to know the Lord.

Michael:  Yeah. Sometimes we have lost kids at our house, but our children always knew that they were there for us to minister to them.

Debi:  That’s right.

Michael:  They were always kind of on edge. In other words, they were always being careful and cautious, and always looking for opportunities to share Christ. Sometimes they were lost guys who’d come around, but if they didn’t know want to know the Lord, they soon quit come coming. And our daughters never hung out with unsaved guys.

Debi:  That’s exactly right.

They didn’t even hang out with guys that were saved and not following the Lord. The people they hung out with were people that knew Christ and had the same heart they did toward the things of God.




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