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Loving and Liking Your Wife is Not the Same

By Michael Pearl



Debi Pearl:  Hi, I'm Debi Pearl.

Michael Pearl:  And I'm the big boss, Mike.

Debi:  We're here today to read a question that came in our mail and to answer it. "I love my wife but I find it hard to like her sometime. Over the years, she has gotten more and more competitive. I think of it as competitive but this is an example of what she does. We'll be in a restaurant and she sort of punishes the waitresses and won't by not tipping them if they do anything wrong at all. This embarrasses me.

If the food is not exactly the way she wants it, she calls the manager out, complains, and wants the meal free. She's a good wife to me, but she is over-assertive in many other areas."

Michael:  I can tell you what I’d do. I'd get up and walk out of the restaurant and leave my wife sitting there if she was acting in an embarrassing way. Or when she treated the waiter or the manager unkindly, I'd tip them $20 and apologize in front of her for her actions. The way we all learn to be socially responsible is by being in a social context and bouncing our actions off of other people. If we act in ways that are inappropriate and other people respond to it negatively, then we learn what the boundaries are socially.

So I would become boundaries, in other words. I wouldn't just sit there silently. I would speak my mind about it and try to curb that kind of action. It's selfish. It's not considerate of other people. It's not loving. It's not kind. It's not generous. It's not merciful. It's not forgiving. It's not the kind of things that we as Christians are toward people.

It's haughty. It's elitist. It's arrogant. It's acting as if you are the one that matters and the establishment doesn't. These are just human. These are just people. If you don't like the food, cook at home.

Debi:  Well, I didn't read all the letter the man wrote. Some of the examples were on the line like, I can see why the woman would think some of these things, but it wasn't merciful. How can a man curb his wife if hasn't got the personality Mike has, if he's a gentle and loving husband? I don't know how a man could do that that wouldn't be aggressive like Mike, except sit his wife down and say, "Is this merciful?" Maybe just have a Bible study with his wife on mercy and kindness and gentleness. A woman is supposed to be gentle first. Anyway, this is a hard thing for a man to go through.

Michael:  Yeah.


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4 comments on “Loving and Liking Your Wife is Not the Same”

  1. I was sure wishing Mike and Debi would give more info as to what a wife is suppose to do when her husband doesn't like her, as in my case. (I've read Created, and have done everything Debi says). Also wished you would have encouraged the husband how to like his wife...

  2. Thank you for sharing this with us. I have a GIL who is like this from time to time and I end up suffering the consequences of that scorn for having "too many babies" etc. I enjoy entertaining and flirty with my husband and such. Following Christ isn't easy when women like that are not given justice for being so unmerciful.

  3. As I read the letter I was reminded of myself and how I used to be. I'm a get things done kinda gal, speak my mind, sometimes in inappropriate places. My husband on the other hand is an absolute steady, kind, considerate, thoughtful,and all the things I'm not or so it seemed. My husband was and is man enough to point things out to me that are inappropriate which was very hard on my pride at first, but I love it that he can like me and not just love me. After 11 years of marriage I'm still learning.

  4. What if it is the husband that is the rude one? Not to the point of complaining about food and wanting it free, but, being Starbucks probably like my 4th time and I didn't know all these names of these drinks but knew I needed this drink that was chocolate and hot with coffee (caffe Mocha) but I did know that name. I just try to tell them it is chocolate and coffee. Of course the worker had a few moments of trying to figure it out for but my husband was so mad at them for not figuring it out quick enough that he verbally was rude it was obvious. I try to apologize to them. But just really don't know want to do in these events.

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