Kristen: Hi, I'm Kristen, and I'm here with Debi Pearl, and what we call Mama Pearl's Herb Garden. And I'm going to ask her a question that we got on our Facebook page. Our Facebook NGJ Ministries page: A mom wants to know, what's the deal with raising queens or go to gals that you write about.
Debi Pearl: Go to gals. They're very convenient to have a go to gal for a daughter if you're not a go to mama. [laughs]
Debi: If you're a go to mama, there can be a clash.
Debi: My oldest daughter was a go to girl, and I'm a visionary. I like to create and make. So when she got about six years old I said, "Here's the kitchen, you can have control". But, you're a go to gal, and I think you're oldest daughter is a go to, too. Isn't she?
Kristen: Yeah, that would be a definite. I have a five‑year old, very in charge kind of daughter.
Debi: She is.
Kristen: And there can definitely be some clashes. And I've noticed that as long as I keep things with no... I don't become offended at anything she does or says, even when she bosses me or her sister around. I give her things... You can't say this, you can say this. But, you just can't become offended. When I get offended, it becomes personal and then no training really happens.
Debi: Yeah, you have to remember, you're the mama.
Kristen: Right, I'm the mama, and what, you're trying to tell me what to do? And you can just laugh about it. But, don't feel like, [gasping sound] .
Debi: You want to develop that go to personality trait, and make it a strength instead of a handicap because like right now, my niece is a go to girl and she's a young 20's. I love to have her around helping me, traveling with me because she's been allowed to be a go to girl. And because she has, she helps me, she takes care of me. And so, if you have a daughter like that then it's not a curse, it's a blessing. You need to learn to give her responsibilities, give her place in life to where she can be in charge of it like you did in you all's bedroom, didn't you? Your daughter's space? Tell them about that.
Kristen: Yes. Well we have two daughters and they share a bedroom. And I noticed that my older go to gal would just get stressed out when other kids would come to play because she had her dolls fixed. She had everything done the way she wanted it, too, and I can respect that. I can respect wanting to be organized and that. So what I decided to do was, I took some blue painters tape and put it on the linoleum floor in the playroom and just gave a very specific area, and said, "OK, this is your house. Nobody can enter your house unless you invite them in. You're in charge of cleaning it, you put all you're things that you don't want anybody else to touch in there. And it would be great if you invite your sister in, but you don't have to. This is your house."
And then, I made one for the little sister, too, who liked the idea but never did much with it. And that was the best thing I did all winter and spring.
Debi: She had her control area.
Kristen: She loved it and little kids as little as one that would come over, I would take them into the playroom and say, "OK, this blue take means that this is Emma's house and this is Elaina's house, and nobody can go in there unless they invite you in". And the other kids totally respected it.
Debi: They didn't cross the line even though it was just a blue piece of tape?
Kristen: Yeah, it was just a blue piece of tape. It was real obvious to kids when you're low down. [laughter]
Debi: Well, that tells you children can be trained, and it also tells you, a young child, a go to girl only needs a small section that she can take care of, that she can be the master of. And it's also teaching her how to take care of her things. And it's also teaching the younger children how to respect her area, her domain.
Kristen: Um‑huh and that was very helpful. Her having her own house. She's still yeah, she's still like, "That's my house.", and she's proud of it so.
Debi: Yeah, when they get to be teenagers, it's the same thing. They need their domain. If you can give them like, a day in the kitchen; today is your day, every Friday is your day, you tell us what you want to buy at the grocery store. You go to the grocery store and buy it. That go to teenager will be a lot happier if she's allowed to be who she is.
Pearls of Wisdom follows the No Greater Joy team as they discuss and answer questions about raising children, marriage, simple living, gardening, homeschooling, and more! Each week will cover different topics - topics that YOU - the viewer choose! This is a great show for the whole family and anyone who wants some extra "Pearls of Wisdom" to come their way.
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My 4 year old daughter Elspeth is a wee bossy-boots and we've been clashing like acid and water ever since she learned to talk! But now I see she's a go-to-girl.
What sort of things can you place a 4 year old in charge of around the house? She's too young for her own cooking day, or to shop by herself. Could I put her in charge of setting the table for meals? Is this the sort of thing that a go-to-girl would enjoy and find fulfillment in doing?
Thank you for this great video and God bless!