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Small Flame

By Kirsten and Lizzy (NGJ Staff)

Kirsten: Hi, I’m Kirsten and I’m here with Lizzy, and we’re sitting here next to Cane Creek. There are lots of families here swimming and it’s a nice warm day so we’re just enjoy the summer. We’re just going to be talking about some topics for the Preparing To Be A Help Meet website. I overheard you and Debi the other day at the office talking about a small flame. And I was just curious… what were you guys talking about?

Lizzy: Well, it is always interesting talking with Debi and we were talking about how as a young guy – 19-20 years old – he would be considered a small flame because he is not a street preacher or minister, yet he is still growing and maturing, and so he would be considered a small flame. Let’s say our dads, or cousins, or Nathan who is 35 or our dads who are in their 50s, would be considered a large flame, and are more mature. So we look at them and we’re like “WOW… I want a guy like that.” Where in reality they’re not quite there yet. And that’s okay because we’re not there yet either! So we were talking about my brother Joe, and he is a small flame. He’s been in college for the last seven months and he came home. Before he went, all the girls just kind of passed him by. He was just a small flame. He’s a quieter guy, you know. And so when he came back all the girls were like “WHOA! Who is that!?!” And so it was interesting to see, and he has become a bigger flame. And as time goes by they will mature and become a bigger flame. So it’s just good to keep that in mind – that as guys grow older and more mature they become a bigger flame. So that was very interesting.”

Kirsten: That is interesting. I know that a lot of girls do tend to… they don’t look at the guys who are their age as much. They are looking a little older because those guys have more experience. They have been reading their Bible and they do have more wisdom, hopefully, as an older man. And so they are more attractive or more like: ‘That is what I want to marry. Why can’t the guys my age be like that?’ Well, you can’t expect guys who are younger to be like older guys. They haven’t had all those years to mature yet and become that.

Lizzy: And we aren’t the older women like our moms who are wiser and have it all down. We aren’t them either, so we’re not going to be mature in that area.

Kirsten: So we both have to grow and not like… A couple of days later you were talking about how some girls you know, how they don’t respect the views of their friends in the area of the opposite sex or whatever view.

Lizzy: Yeah. That is true.

Kirsten: Remember that?

Lizzy: We were talking about how it’s easy to let your friends influence your opinion. You have to be careful with that. There’s good influence – like going to an elder or a couple that you respect and talking to them and saying, there’s this guy and he seems to have good Godly character and he just seems like a good guy. So talk to them about that and get their wisdom about that. And then there are other times where I can come to you as a fellow girl and be like: “Oh Kirsten, there’s this guy and he’s just so cute and everything! You know, he’s kind of a little bit of a nerd or whatever, but you know….” And if you saw him you were just like… “Oh My! He’s shorter than you…and he’s not this and he’s not that,” like physical appearances. And so it’s important to be careful with your opinions because what you marry and what I marry are going to be different. And you don’t want to influence your friend’s opinion. I had some friends and one girl had the opportunity to marry a good Godly guy and the guy came along and he was good, successful, Godly, had good character. And the older sister encouraged her sister not to go for him. She was just like “No, he’s not this and he’s not that,” and just kind of tore him apart as a man. And so the younger sister didn’t marry and as years went by, the older sister got married and is happily married, even now. And the younger sister still is not married, because she let her sister’s opinion of the guy influence her. So you just need to be careful with that.
Kirsten: So that’s a warning to all girls. When you are having that girl talk and that girl time and you’re talking about all the guys, you need to be encouraging and do it in a Godly manner, seeking wisdom, gathering wisdom for yourselves, and even among your peers. You can go to older women but we need to be preparing ourselves to be older women and wise and have chaste conversations. Be a virtuous woman. So we need to be looking at these guys, not for physical appearance, or their nerdiness, but are they a Godly man? Are they a good example of Godly character? And what are they going to become when we look at them? So I’d like to encourage you girls, as you are having your girl time or just sitting around talking about boys and guys and everything, I’d like to encourage you to have chaste conversation, to be wise in what you say, and not just look at the outside physical appearance, but whether they’re of good Godly character, and what kind of man they will become. So just encourage your friends. Like she mentioned you can go to older ladies and just get their opinions but it’s good, as women now, to be preparing to have chaste conversation and be a virtuous woman and be encouraging your friends and decisions based upon wisdom, not just silly girly notions. So I just encourage you guys… you girls! that.

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