In Search of a Help Meet Clip from Chapter 4

Transcription

Narrator:  A wise man seeks wise counsel. Sure, the final decision for who you will marry rests on you, but don’t make that decision in a vacuum.

Michael Pearl:  Wise counsel. “A wise man will hear and increase learning. A man of understanding shall attain under wise counsel” (Proverbs 1:5). Beware ignoring counsel. “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not they law of thy mother” (Proverbs 1:8). You ask, “Are you for or against parental counsel in marriage?” I am for divine guidance and the best human wisdom available in choosing a help meet. There is real danger in blindly obeying parents or churches regarding whom you marry–(Numbers 31:16 and Proverbs 12:5). There is also an equal or greater danger in ignoring or resisting parental advice and the counsel of others who care for you. Seek the counsel of many. “In a multitude of counsellors there is safety” (Proverbs 24:6). In a multitude of counsellors? Why a multitude? Because all those that would give their counsel are fallible, including me, and will not be in agreement.

I am not suggesting that you follow the consensus. The majority may be wrong as often as they are right, but hearing various perspectives enables us to think through our own mental and spiritual process and analyze our motives. When you hear someone whose motives you do not respect agree with you, it should be alarming. If the devil or a known idiot takes your side, you will want to consider changing sides.

On the other hand, if several people whom you respect share the same concern, you should be concerned as well and not act until you either come to an agreement with them or determine that they are motivated by unworthy considerations. When someone supposedly of the same faith and convictions as I, disagrees with me, I cannot rest until I can clearly see which one of us is wrong and wherein lies the fallacy of thought.

I dare not dismiss the concerns of a sincere person unless I can see that he is motivated by faulty logic or misled by personal hang‑ups. Only then can I act without reserve. Be very careful, humble, when you turn your back on counsel, be it from parents or friends. The person most likely to be wrong is the one most involved emotionally. Guess who that is?

“Counsel in the heart of a man is like deep waters, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Proverbs 20:5). The drawing out process is indeed a process. If your heart is right before God and you truly want his will, he will place his will in your heart and through the counsel of others that wisdom will be drawn out of your heart to the surface where conscious thought resides. Truth is self‑evident and often comes like the dawn, a little at a time until you stand in full light. Truth has a way of rising through the cloud of confusing opinions until it is the brightest thing in the sky.

When you hear a dozen varied opinions supported by reason, some good, others not so good, truth will step forward in a way that is unmistakable, but only the humble and teachable and patient will discern the truth from error. So listen to everyone who speaks—parents, pastors, counselors, friends and even enemies—but only believe that which your spirits find to be pure and lovely. Therein is the voice of God.

“For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of a man which is in him? Even so, the things of God knoweth no man, but the spirit of God” (1 Corinthians 2:11). You will find the mind of God in your spirit, and an abundance of counsel often brings it to the surface. If you feel ignorant and that you are likely to make a mistake, there is a passage you should memorize: “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him” (James 1:5).

God is more interested in you finding the right help meet than you are. You don’t take it as seriously as he does. He watches as 95 percent of the young men make the wrong choice and half of them end up in divorce while the other 45 percent hang in there and suffer through it, or discover God’s way into a happy marriage and give careful attention to fixing their shortcomings.

Many good marriages have been constructed from the ashes of bad ones, but why burn before you learn? Get it right from the start and the two of you can do something more with your lives than struggle to achieve a good marriage. Those men who have walked closest to God will more likely be open to counsel than will those men who have idled along presumptuously, because they understand the wisdom in hearing from other brothers.

Narrator:  Thank you for listening to this excerpt from In Search of a Help Meet. As always, remember to check out the current specials on our audio books and more.