Transcription
[intro music]
Debi Pearl: Papa and I are going to record, so y'all go ahead and shut the door! [children playing]
Announcer: Many parents have found themselves in a second marriage with older children. Today, in our Vintage Answers series, Mike and Debi address the struggles involved.
Michael Pearl: So Deb has her first letter here.
Debi Pearl: "We are both previously married and we were having a hard time with our older ones, our older children from our previous marriage. They both have been very permissive and come home with awful worldly junk. We didn't understand relationships well. We are learning. They all knew we didn't like what they did at their other parents, but we had inadvertently made them feel bad. So they enjoyed the sins they were able to do over there and now wanted to be there all the time. "My oldest son left and I let him go and live with his dad. And then, my next youngest son, 12, saw all that my oldest one was doing, like going to public school, unlimited boundaries and whatever else and he wanted to go. Here, we do school, chores, helping the younger siblings, and so forth. I let him go, too, because his heart had already left our home and it wasn't his fault.
"His father and I were young and stupid when we married and then, he divorced me, so I let him go. But he behaves well when he comes back on the weekends. Any help and all prayers are helpful. I have no older family around to help me. My mom works full‑time and my husband's mom is very permissive. Show me how I can love my children, please."
Michael: And you talk about your older kids, I think you're right in allowing those older children to go and live with their daddy. You shouldn't allow them to affect you, your husband, and the younger children because they're too old for you to turn around, mother. Now, they're better off with their daddy and so you need to just kind of turn loose of them and not let that be a burden on the children that you're raising right now. You said, "We begged for mercy before God and repented to God." That statement, "begged for mercy," the mercy that God gives is not given out when we beg.
In other words, what Jesus did at the cross in providing mercy is fully and freely and readily provided to all who come to receive it. And when you're begging for mercy, you're really not coming in faith. What you're doing is in your emotional stress, you're just crying out and protesting your condition. That's not really coming to the cross to receive mercy.
When we come to Christ for mercy, we come believing. We come accepting the fact that there is mercy for sinners. But if we don't return from that evil heart, we don't turn from that selfishness, then that frustration is going to continue to exist and there will be no mercy regardless of how much we beg.
And repenting to God is not just having a deep sorrow and deep contrition for our vile condition, but to repent to God is actually to come and appropriate the grace of God to stop sinning, Romans, Chapter 5, 6, 7, and eight that deal with that.
Announcer: Thanks for listening. I hope it blesses your day. Don't forget to check out Cane Creek Corner for this week's specials.
[outro music]
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I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. 3 John 4
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Your answer here is a true blessing. These people will find peace with your guidance. Thanks for your input, I feel touched by it as well.
Where in the Bible does God allow for divorce and remarriage?
Upon the death of your spouse, or for non-believers when they come to Christ and the non-believing spouse leaves them because of that faith (not because of the badgering of the believer). Some argue that if the spouse commits adultery, you can leave- and others have taken thisas any kind of cheating. The verse says you simply do not cause them to commit adultery if you leave the adulterous spouse. Why? - because they are already comitting adultery, you can't make someone do what they are already doing. Its just a logical statement/conclusion- not an allowance for divorce. Like saying if you divorce some one for any reason but theft you make them a thief. Of course, because they are already a thief.
IF the culture allows multiple wives an argument can be made that God allows the man to take a second wife when the first leaves under the thought that he has not really left the first wife and will "take her back" if she returns. But there are clear consequences for the man in taking a second wife- the loss of ability to lead in the church, the division in the family. I believe this is allowed to complete the picture of the marraige and Christ and the church. Christ clearly has many "brides" in that there is no universal church. David's wife was still his despite being given to another and so when he was able to return from fleeing he took her back, despite a "husband" who was cearly fond of her. I believe brother Pearl did not address this as there were many bigger points to address (the kids they have now, the way in which she was approaching Christ). The deed -"remarriage"- has already been done. If they choose to separate rather than live in what is arguably fornication it will have to be by God's grace and mercy not by badgering. It would require a lot of grace for this man to live in an apartment above the garage and provide for these childeren(know of a man who did this). And for this emotional woman to accept this as the grace of God
see video response 038 from 2010, or just search divorce above, Michael addresses it