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Questions on the Preparing Site

By Shalom (Pearl) Brand

Did you know about the Preparing To Be A Help Meet website at You can post comments and questions on it for other readers and sometimes even us Pearls to see and chime in on. Each day, or whenever I can get to it around the kids and family, I get on the site and read your comments and questions. One of the questions that came in was, “What can I do to be ready for courtship and what kind of questions should I ask before I begin a courtship?” That’s a huge question. I’m sure a lot of girls are wondering the same thing.

When Justin first asked me to get to know him I didn’t drill him that same night with all kinds of questions. The next day, after Dad said yes, you can get to know him, and I agreed to get to know him a little bit, we were washing dishes together. As opportunities came up I asked questions. “What do think about kids? What you do think about child training? What do you think about life? What are your goals? What is your future?”

Questions are just natural. It doesn’t have to be something that is stiff or uncomfortable or a list, because guys do NOT like to be put on the spot. They do not like to be drilled with questions. It makes them uncomfortable and makes you seem controlling. So you need to be natural about it, and do it in a comfortable setting. The best way to get to know a guy is playing sports, working together with other people, hanging out playing games, just laughing and enjoying life together. While those things are happening, the questions will come up and they’ll be answered. He can answer questions any way he wants to, but the way he lives his life and the way he responds is going to show what is really in his heart. So that’s what you need to focus on, more than the answers he gives, because girls can be easily led by their feelings. So if he’s answering all the questions that way you want him to, then that’s what you are going to believe, but that might not be who he really is.

Another good way to get to know somebody is asking his friends about him, asking the church, his pastor, your brothers, your sisters. They will know who he really is, where you won’t. When Justin and I started getting to know each other the first thing I did was ask my family, “What kind of guy is this?” Justin spent several weeks in Thailand with my brother, and who knows a man better than someone who went overseas with him? And my brother had a good report of him. My sister got to talk to him and hang out with him before I was paying him any attention. So she said, “Hey, this guy is a good guy. You need to pay him attention. You need to listen to him.”

So that’s one of the really good questions here on the Preparing site.

Continue to serve the Lord, continue to strive after what God wants for you, and that will attract a man the right way.

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