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Three Types of Children, Part 2: Kisses and Tickles (Visionary/Dreamer Type)

February 14, 2014
Three Types of Children, Part 2: Kisses and Tickles (Visionary/Dreamer Type)

What can we do as parents to encourage our visionary/dreamer type kids? Face the fact that they are different. They don’t always follow the status quo. Let them dream, but direct the dreams. They are the actors and you are the director. Visionaries and dreamers need to express themselves, and our job is to guide them to productive ends. Laila, my visionary daughter, loves to draw and create works of art. Before I considered what type she was, I related to her more like her “Go-to” sister, Gracie. When one of Laila’s siblings caused her to mess up something she was drawing or creating, she would become angry and mad at them. I would discipline her for her anger, which did not work, for in her mind she had a right to get angry. She felt that her sister crossed into her space and caused her to mess up her art. By disciplining her, I was tearing her down, not building her up. When I realized that she was a dreamer type, I began to see and understand her better and changed my tactic. I did not want her to respond in anger to her sisters and brothers, but I also wanted to build her up, not tear her down. So I sat her down and told her that her anger was wrong and from now on I was going to kiss and tickle her till the anger ran away, and if it still did not leave, I might have to give her anger a little switching. She thought this was a great idea. I explained that the anger was hurting her and was not her friend and that we had to get it out of her heart and put the joy back in. I was building her up, helping her take control of what she thought was justified anger, and replacing it with laughter. After I had her happy again, I would then talk about what had caused the anger in the first place and help her figure it out. She soon learned to stop what she was doing and tell me that the anger was in her heart so I could run it off with kisses and tickles.

strong in spirit

A visionary/dreamer type needs to be encouraged and praised. They can quickly become downtrodden if they are criticized. They can become very frustrated. This type wants to draw, sing, dance, play an instrument, but when it is not what they want it to be, they just quit and move on to something else. Visionary children need to be encouraged to finish what they start, to follow through. It does not come natural for them.

Laila is always starting a new creation; I find all kinds of odd things in the house that she has worked on briefly.

My husband found a box of magnets at a yard sale and gave them to the kids. Laila picked out all the ones that looked alike and sat at the table putting them together in different shapes, completely fascinated with her creations. Today I was working on school with her, and as we were sitting at the table she kept reaching out to touch her magnets. She was not paying attention to her math lesson, and not learning anything. I asked her to give me her magnets. As I began to separate and count them, she intently jumped in and counted with me, and then counted them by twos and added them this way and that. Finally, she was excited and happy to do her math!

If I had taken them away, she would have been crushed and would not have learned anything. Because a visionary lacks confidence, we must come up with fun things we can do to build them up.

— Shalom

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4 comments on “Three Types of Children, Part 2: Kisses and Tickles (Visionary/Dreamer Type)”

  1. I definitely have a visionary son. He is brilliant! His ideas amaze (and confuse!) me. He is my most creative child, always preferring to do projects his way, with no help. Actually, I've learned that when we give him "suggestions" to help "improve" his ideas, it crushes his confidence. Even if we are adding to his ideas because we like them! I've had to teach his siblings (and Daddy occasionally, also a visionary) to just let him tell us about his projects and ideas, WITHOUT interruption. Which is often difficult just because of the shear amount of detail he includes! I've also had to teach him to listen and accept other's ideas, especially during creative play with his siblings. He tends to be very self-focused. The up-side to our visionary boy is creativity: the down-side is lack of cooperation with others. He is learning and maturing though.

    We are very relaxed homeschoolers and have let him explore so many things on his own. He knows the details of wars and battles, various weaponry, electronics, physics principals, and so much more.

    But, oh... math. He KNOWS math. He can do it in his head. But he is such a daydreamer that to finish one lesson of math is torture, and can take a VERY long time. Due to life circumstances, we didn't do any formal schooling for about 2 years. We started back to our lessons a few weeks ago. He just turned 13. I had him pick up his book were he left off - 4th grade. Although he is very slow to finish a lesson, he NEVER missed a problem. Our curriculum has a placement test to help decide which book is appropriate for the child. I had a hunch... and he agreed to take the test. Well, by golly, he jumped to the 7th grade book! I say this NOT to brag about how smart he is (although he IS!), but to agree whole heartedly with this article.

    Allowing him to explore his world creatively, his own way, has allowed him to mature in his skills. Although it's time to add a little more formality to his lessons, we allow him a lot of "wiggle room" and "thinking time". He may look distracted, but he is solving issues in his head. A math lessons may take him an hour, simply because he is deep in thought on any number of topics. Knowing that he isn't finished until the end of the lesson is teaching him to follow through.

    Our daughter is a dreamer/servant. A totally different personality. God has taught us so much with the various, vibrant personalities of our children. And it has been so much fun to learn who they are!

  2. Shalom thank you, thank you, thank you for this much needed article and for describing specifically how you handled several challenging situations with your visionary daughter. I have just realized that my oldest daughter, who is six, who has been my biggest challenge so far, is a VISIONARY! I thought she was a got to girl, and I think she is a mix of two, but much more a visionary! She fits the profile exactly as you described in your article! Homeschooling her has been the most difficult part of my day and training her has also been a challenge from the beginning. She does not want to do school and she absolutely does not want to practice her piano. I have noticed that discouragement comes up in her attitude and heart and when I encourage her it helps her to keep going. Seeing how you dealt with your daughter has helped me and encouraged me to see that it is ok to find fun ways of learning with her because that is what she wants the most - to have fun, and it discourages me that she does not want to put forth effort to work, because it is not fun. God has just opened my eyes through your article to see my daughter in a brighter light and to help me understand her a little better! Thank you again! If you have any more advice on training and teaching a visionary - I would love any input! Thank you again! Blessings!