“Hello. May I help you?”
“Yes. I’m looking for a Bible I can use in my church. Could you help me?”
“I’d be happy to. I would recommend the NIV. It is our most popular seller.”

“Do you know the story of the Ethiopian eunuch?”
“Sure.”
“Well, the only verse that tells us what we need to do before baptism is in Acts 8:37. It’s really important that my Bible states this clearly. Would you read it to me?”
“Certainly…” (The helpful employee looks and looks.) “Uh, it’s not there.”
“What’s not there?”
“I’m sorry, but there is no verse 37…”
“Well, I don’t want a Bible that is missing something that important. Let’s try another Bible.”

“Well, we have another popular one, the Revised Standard version.”
“My Bible has to be clear about the virgin birth of Christ. Would you please check Isaiah 7:14?”
“Hmm. It says ‘a young woman shall conceive…’”
“Then forget the Revised Standard! What other Bibles have you?”

“Well, we are very proud of the New American Standard. It’s called ‘the most literal’ version.”
“Alright, then let’s look up John 6:47. It’s the one place where Jesus tells us to believe in Him to have eternal life.”
“Wait! It only says ‘he who believes has eternal life.’ It doesn’t say who to believe in.”
“My old occultic friends would love that. They believe, but not in Jesus Christ. So much for the NASV.”

“Let’s try again. When I witness to Jehovah’s Witnesses, I like to use Revelation 1:11, where Jesus says, ‘I am Alpha and Omega, the first and the last.’ What do you have left?”
“Here’s our New Living Translation. Let me see. Huh? It says, ‘Write down what you see…’ No ‘Alpha and Omega’ here.

“All I see left is an old American Standard. Would you look up 1 John 5:7? It tells us the Father, the Word and the Holy Ghost are one God.”
“I’m very sorry. It says, ‘And it is the Spirit that beareth witness, because the Spirit is the truth.’ There’s no Trinity here.”

“Well, then, I’ll just stay with my Bible. It has everything I mentioned to you.”
“What Bible is that?”
“God’s preserved words in English: The King James Bible.”

Copyrighted by Jack T. Chick. Reproduced by permission.

– David Daniels