Dear Mrs. Pearl,
What should a young lady be doing between graduation and marriage (other than gaining skills and knowledge that will aid her as a wife and mother)?
I want to spend my time doing things that will be of eternal value. I know the only thing that really will matter in eternity is getting out the gospel (and raising children in the faith). I am not looking for heavenly reward but rather want to be a part of God’s bigger plan of reaching the lost.
I am already helping my family in their ministry, and I give money toward missions, but nothing like that is satisfying because it takes little time and effort and I never see the impact. I think it would be more fulfilling to be part of an ongoing ministry, working directly with people (particularly children) and actually see lives change.
The problem is that I am still needed at home. My mom really needs my help around the house. I am the only girl with several messy brothers still at home. If I go off to help at a ministry it will leave our home in shambles. So my second question is: should I drop the idea of ministry to stay and help my family? If so, then what should I concentrate on doing?
I feel I have not used my youth for the Lord as much as I could have, and I don’t want to waste what’s left of it now!
Sincerely,
Kayla
Dear Kayla,
This is a MAJOR concern of mine because I see so many young women wasting precious years that they could be using for things eternal. If I could shake loose a thousand homeschool young women from the humdrums of being a “lady in waiting” to stepping into some sort of ministry, then I would have made a big difference in eternity. I can relate to your mom needing your help. My girls went off one by one leaving my house reduced to shambles, but how is a clean, organized house going to make any real difference in eternity? Sure, I like having my house in order, and we always had so much company that our family often joked about our house being Grand Central Station, but my girls left me to take care of all that by myself! And guess what . . . I survived and so did my house. Eternity matters. I was thrilled that my daughters WANTED to reach out to those who had never heard. Your parents know you have your own calling, and they will welcome you stepping up to serve the Lord.
There are many ministries that you could be a part of that would make this world a better place and give others a chance to know the Savior. Preparing is important. Make yourself useful by getting educated in fields that ministries need. When Megan came to work for me, she already knew many computer programs because she had been helping her dad in his business, and it had awakened in her the need to learn more. She was fully equipped to step into a worldwide ministry and has continued almost daily to seek out more skills to make herself even more efficient. (YouTube offers a lot of free training.) Megan’s husband will be getting a superwoman who will help him in all that he does. She has been PREPARING herself for marriage by developing competence in many areas. (Megan marries in March. WHO will be able to fill her spot?)
There is a lot more to marriage than learning to cook spaghetti and use herbs! Nowadays, mamas have to know a LOT about vaccinations, drugs, chemicals, homebirths, banking and finance, homeschooling, ordering online, making serious decisions, laying out newsletters, dealing with people, and the list goes on. Don’t waste your life lagging around at home, sleeping in because there is little to do, scrolling through social media, reading novels, and making little whatnots for inconsequential events!
Much of my time is spent trying to come up with creative ways to let people know about our books and other products. The more we sell, the more people can be helped through the knowledge they get from the resources, AND the more we sell, the more we can reach the world with the gospel through iMissionaries (posting free downloads of Good and Evil in 50 different languages). JUST THINK of the potential impact: if 1,000 girls started blogging, creating 15-second videos to share what they are reading that day, or even created a daily social media ministry of sharing certain parts of one of the books, it would REALLY reach a lot of folks. God could use a GIRL-based ministry to raise enough money to reach India with the gospel. Where are God’s GIRLS??? God wants us to let our light shine. People are so scared of the world “getting” them that they are not reaching the world for Christ. I say we should be charging the gates of hell!
Here is another idea that has been brewing in my mind and soul. I have been researching what officials are saying about child sex trafficking. I have been stunned to read that there are hundreds of thousands of children here in the USA being sold for sexual purposes. Did you know that up to half the children that are trafficked have been part of state-run child protection agencies? The very people hired to watch out for children are part of the sex trafficking industry.
What can you as a young single woman do to stop this atrocity? You could make videos of someone reading the Yell and Tell books and share them on social media. You could do research on how creeps find children and share the information. You could go to schools and libraries and offer to read to the kids. Start a Facebook group where you challenge other young women to do the same. Develop a wholesome book list and share it. You know the transvestites are dressing up like the nasty perverts they are and going into libraries to read to children. It is TIME we take our little ones back.
You can campaign for godly men and women running for public office. This year could make or break our country, so a good time to get involved is NOW.
And then there is the idea of missions and brotherly love. You can start a group to pray for certain missionaries and contact a different missionary each week, asking them: what do you want us to pray for and what would you like our group to send you this week for a special one-time treat? Then encourage everyone in your social media group to send something to that missionary and pray for them that week. You could make a lot of missionary children feel very special, and you could send the missionary wives Created to Be His Help Meet and Create a Better Brain through Neuroplasticity: A Manual for Mamas. God waits for our prayers. There is NO END TO THE WONDER you could do with your life BEFORE God brings that man to you.
Use your life to honor God, and stop hiding your light under a bushel. Make waves—BIG waves! Use your youth, the best time of your life, to be a MOVER and SHAKER. Learn, study, get involved in politics, go to town hall meetings and be known for your stand, and in doing all these things you will be preparing yourself to be a better person and certainly a better wife.
Once you are married, your role changes. Gone are the days spent reading novels, hanging out with friends, shopping, social media, etc. Your entire focus is on your husband. What can you do that makes his life richer, easier, gives him more esteem, opens more doors, and helps prepare him for his future endeavors? Titus 2 speaks of the married woman’s role, starting in verse 4, “That they (aged women) may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, verse 5, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” God calls this passage “sound doctrine” and to not obey is blaspheming God. Being a keeper of the home is descripted in Proverbs 31. This passage gives us a blueprint of what God views as a virtuous wife. She is BUSY. She is generating an income, and she is saving money by being industrious. Being a godly wife is a full-time occupation, and I hope all the girls reading this will step up to be a godly wife when that day arrives. But to a single girl, I say: Occupy until he comes!
I will be watching for a miracle . . . make sure YOU are part of it. Thanks for the question, and thanks for being a part of the coming miracle.
On social media, we asked what practical life skill women wished they had known before they were married, and the TOP answer was that most wished they had known more about personal finance/budgeting. After that, most wished they knew more about meal planning/cooking.
Incidentally, these two skills go hand in hand. They both require you to think ahead, and be disciplined in managing resources. Here’s a few ideas to launch your study in these areas. Develop these two life skills now… your future family will thank you!
Many times a new bride assumes that if more money is needed, they should get a job. But what many don’t consider is that if they knew how to better manage their current resources, it’s possible that they could be saving their family more money than they might be earning with a part-time job!
We’re not talking about knowing how to follow a recipe, we’re referring to developing the mental habit of thinking ahead… does meat need to be defrosted? Do beans need to soak the night before? Can you put a meal in the slow cooker in the morning for supper later?
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I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. 3 John 4
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Peace and Safety
Excellent article!
Debbie, thank you for giving many specific ideas here - great resources to pass along to my grown daughters and their 3 girls. I'm so blessed by your books and articles!