Hi,
I was blessed with the salvation of my marriage thanks to your challenge in Created to become lovable when unloved.

My question is this: Since my husband is SO VERY visionary, we often get sidetracked in life spending hours, days, even weeks making plans for life change. We may apply for Bible school one day, then a week later apply for a loan to start a business . . . abandon the idea only to make plans to sell our house and move somewhere we have never been. How can we channel this energy, or how can I encourage my husband to focus his creative abilities when doing anything steady is an almost repulsive idea? We would do all of these crazy things if we didn’t have a great life and 5 small children to care for. We also attend a good church.

—Blessed with a godly visionary

Karen Answers:

Dear D,
I laughed out loud as I read your letter because we could be identical twins! I am the author of the article Married to a Visionary, and believe me when I say we have been through everything you described, including applying for Bible college, starting a business, and selling our house to move somewhere we’ve never been. Even the five children! Yes, been there, done that!

Here’s your question: “How can I encourage my husband to focus his creative abilities when doing anything steady is an almost repulsive idea?”

There are two key phrases here:

  1. “How can I encourage my husband to focus?” – You can’t. Visionaries cannot stop being what they are and focus on any one thing. No matter what they are doing or how much they love it, they simultaneously have a hundred other ideas rolling around in their heads, every one of them “better” than whatever the current thing is. The best thing you can do is to be supportive, but also always keep in front of him your needs and the needs of the children, because he doesn’t even see them. This will help to keep his feet somewhat on the ground and hopefully keep things from getting out of hand. But don’t be afraid to do some outlandish things. My mantra through life with a visionary has been “what’s the worst that can happen?” It helps remind me that everything will be okay in the end.
  2. “Anything steady is an almost repulsive idea.” – YES, it is absolutely repulsive to him! My idea of a perfect retirement is a condo on the beach in Destin, Florida, taking long walks by the Gulf in the sunshine every day. My husband’s idea is cattle farming in the mountains of Western North Carolina, where we have had a record-setting year for rain and are currently ensconced in cold mud.

Here’s the bottom line: I could have my way, or I can have a happy husband. Do I want to walk on the beach with a frustrated, unhappy man? Or do I want to live a happy life with cows and mud? I make that decision every day when I put on my Muck boots and haul buckets of grain to the feed trough.

Here’s the bottom line: I could have my way, or I can have a happy husband.

To most women, this sounds like he gets everything he wants and I get nothing I want, and HOW UNFAIR! But here’s the reality: my husband is living his dream of cattle farming, and he is so appreciative of my support for 34 years that he is absolutely devoted to me. He calls me “precious,” and takes me to the beach when I feel the need to go.

Will I put on Muck boots to be called precious and thought of as his queen? Absolutely! A thousand times! I have love and security and the blessings of God. What more could I want? Getting “my way” pales in comparison.