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African-American Lady Loves Created

June 15, 2008

Shame on me, but I am typing this so others will not opt out of their blessing based upon stereotyping.

I have been married to my H.S. sweetheart for 13 years. Believe me, it has not been as sweet as it sounds. I come from a family of strong, independent black women. This was thought of as a blessing until I took a good look at why ALL the women in my predominantly-female family have been divorced. Yes, ALL OF THEM!

I was well on my way to being divorced myself. My husband and I had been separated for 3 years, 2 of which he had a live-in girlfriend, and 1 ½ years where all three of our daughters were sent to live with them! You read that mess correctly. I was 2 years into this situation before an older lady told me that I could pray that girl off of my husband. I did so half-heartedly. You see, I was busy becoming a modern woman. I joined corporate America in the hospitality industry, had a good position, and was making good money. To put it truthfully, I was miserable! Since I was in 4th grade, I wanted to be a homemaker, taking great care of my husband and children. I knew what it looked like but I did not know how to obtain it.

My husband and I reconciled and gave it another try. Now that I had been out in his world of backstabbing and water cooler talk, I came to understand his need for an understanding wife and peaceful home. Try as we might, we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in hopes of a new beginning. It wasn’t too long before we were both not feeling as hopeful for our situation.

To make a long story short, a friend of mine moved to Louisiana with her husband as he went to pastor a small church there. My friend, being a big northern city girl shocked the southern women with her openness. It wasn’t long before a wise lady that had befriended her gave her a book. Well, hurricane Katrina brought my friend and her family back to Chicago. The book came with her and it traveled to our national convention in 2006. My friend called 9 other ladies together one evening and shared Chapter 8 with this group of women that had just vented their dirty laundry in regard to being the Mrs. to our husbands in leadership in the church. (My husband was at this time a committed man of God and training to be a Deacon).

Well, needless to say, most of us went back and ‘ministered’ to our husbands. The convention came to a close and my husband and I began our 4-hour drive back to Chicago. I read him a Xerox copy of Chapter 8 and he could not have been more pleased if he had written the book himself. He was a Mr. Steady, no doubt, and I was the foolish wife of Mr. Steady. Once back to Chicago, my husband ordered the book for me.

My husband has always been a good provider, but now it is appreciated and respected. I left corporate America April 26, 2006. They begged me to stay, trying to give an absurd amount of money. My last response was this, “My interest is not in future investments; I’m leaving to invest in my future, the future of my family.” As of September 2007, we started home schooling two of our three daughters. The oldest is in H.S. and my husband feels that is best for her at this time. No problem! He is the head of this household. Mr. Steady is also allowing his Command Man take control more often and I love it!

Thank you for writing and publishing Created To Be His Help Meet. You have blessed our home and so many others. You have put into words the bottom line. I can honestly say in the beginning, I pushed my husband in the hands of other women. I did so with my foolish ways. I took so long writing to you only because I did not know how to edit my testimony. I will leave that up to you. You have my permission to print my full name because I’m so glad the Lord has laid His hands on me. Your book has blessed me, my husband, and the future husbands of our three daughters and so on. Thank you Pearls!

Warm Regards,

Datrice Weathers

Chicago, IL

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24 comments on “African-American Lady Loves Created”

  1. I just finished reading this book today and it is one of the best books I ever read. I appreciate what God did in your marriage. I wish my wife would read this book.

  2. Mr. Mansion,
    I wish your wife would too. It has made my young marriage beautful! Or rather the Lord has through. For often times, there is no way i could do what that book suggests without the Holy Spirit doing it fo r me.

  3. I am in awe that Christians actually like this book. For me and several of my Christian friends it felt like a slap in the face. Women have worked so hard to become thought of as more than housekeepers and husband-pleasers-- this book does great harm to women everywhere and the men who are married to them. Please know that there are many intelligent Christian women who disagree with the ways that this book characterizes women and men and pushes them into stereotypes.

  4. My husband and I have only been married seven months so we are still in the honeymoon phase. Thanks to the Helpmeet book. I believe we will be in the "honeymoon" (really the married) phase for the rest of our lives. Thank you for blessing me and my Mr. Command Man with your godly teachings and inspiration.

  5. I can't believe people in this day and age believe these things about roles that we should play in our relationships. I would rather be alone forever than to ever succumb to some antiquated, patriarchal, oppressive relationship.

  6. I came from a very feminist - woman in charge family. I lived that in my marriage and my 'lazy unmotivated husband' sat around and acted like the 13 year old I treated him like. Well, I'm learning to encourage him and he is growing and the blessings we are seeing in our family is amazing! you girls who don't agree should test it, if you whole heartedly try it and it doesn't work, then we can chat. until you try it though, don't knock it! thank you for this book, we'd be an unhappy bunch with out 🙂

  7. Very grateful to have read this book. I highly recommend it to every woman. I am a newly wed to both my husband and Christ. I married six months ago and just gave my life to Christ a few days ago. This book has really helped me to see the type of woman God created me to be. I now have more admiration for my husband even when I know he's in the wrong. I pray that God gives me the knowledge to be the "help meet" I was meant to be.

  8. Greetings All! I wrote this article exactly two years ago. Today I googled my name and found this page, read all the comments and decided to add a few comments myself. Well, I am still a [email protected] mother and I love it! The benefits are beyond what I ever imagined! I read what the naysayers had to say and I respect your feelings and am glad they are yours and not mine. God has so blessed our marriage and the marriages of many others through us. I think it is time I write another article to the Pearls. Let me close by saying I would not change anything about my decision to put God's word into action in my life.

  9. I just felt lead to say to you naysayers out there that this book in no way has made me feel repressed, I have a ton of freedom in my marriage, I think mostly because my husband of 8 years trusts me with all his heart. I feel like this book has changed our marriage in only the best way. And by the way Mrs. Pearl wrote the book based on the Bible and it's teachings not what came to her mind. So if you are a strong Christian woman and feeling slapped in the face maybe just maybe that is a conviction slapping you. Debi Pearl speaks the truth and sometimes the truth is hard to swollow. With love in God

  10. I'm a so-called African American, "black" woman who ALSO has read Created to Be His Helpmeet and I LOVED it! I have attempted to implement it in my own life and have highly recommended it to other wives I know who are striving to be righteous.
    This book transcends race. It's solely about gender...

  11. It is a terrible mind set in our culture when we see housekeeping and pleasing our husbands as degradable . It is an honorable possition that we should all strive for! Yes women have worked very hard- against the very purpose God has given us and embraced the lie of the enemy that some other way can give us a more meaningful and fulfilling life. I still am trying to break free, that's right, break FREE of the chains and mindsets this horrible culture has taught me from the time I was a child. I thank God so much for this ministry and that I am learning how to raise my children in the Lord and be the wife I was created to be!! God is God and I am not. We are His creation and he LOVES us. Lets follow Him and His purpose for our lives. Why do we think we know better?

  12. From the time I was a little girl, all I ever wanted to do was to please God, be a wife and a mother. I had no desire for anything else. I am now 37 years old and have been married for almost 19 years. I had always read the Word of God and always studied about being a wife. I did not have godly examples in my life that showed me how a wife should be. I knew that being a submissive wife, a godly wife was a good wife. I tried implementing this in my marriage. Even though I did, some things still were not attitude, my mouth and my lack of respect for my husband. I prayed most of the time for the Lord to change him, but the Lord told me I was the one that needed changing. Little by little, God started doing some awesome things in me. I let go of petty arguments, foolish talk, disrespect and really focused in on the needs of my husband. If he didn't want me to do something, I would not. If he did not want me to wear something, I did not. Even if he did not want me to go to crazy as it may sound to others, I did not. About two years ago a friend of mine gave me Created to be His Helpmeet and it was all confirmation. Confirmation that I was doing exactly what the Lord wanted me to do. I have been so blessed by this book that i recommend it to all of my friends. This book isn't for the women who are weak, whiney, faint-hearted and has a victim syndrome. This book is for the strong, the tired of living like the world, I have to save my marriage wife. This book isn't about manipulating your husband either, but about obedience to God. I am a African-American woman and I highly recommend this book to all who are tired of the rat race of the worldly, it's about me wives. Give God a chance to save your marriage. It requires obedience, it requires committment, it requires dedication, it requires patience, it requires love, it requires denying yourself. It's hard but pleasurable. You will reap the rewards. Become known as the obedient child of God, by giving back the reigns to your husband. You won't regret it.

  13. I actually threw this book across the room 3 times when I first read it. Then, I started putting stuff into practice and checking out the Biblical side of it. This book is not about submitting to your man because he wants you to. It is about submitting to God by submitting to your man. I feel sad for those people that think that it is "un-Christian" and "sets women back". They obviously do not see the intent that God has in his plan.

  14. I, too, felt some big 'slaps' as I read through this book. I had a few "No, that CAN'T BE RIGHT!" moments. But as I tried to stay humble and follow the scripture and Debi's wisdom, I realized this was His will for me as a woman. I only finished reading it a few days ago but it has already started blessing my marriage, and my heart has so much more peace. I have hope that my marriage can/will be a miracle from God Himself. Thanks, Pearls, for the book, and thanks Datrice for the article 🙂

  15. Thank you, Datrice, for writing this letter. A friend's mother gave me Created and I only read it so I could say that I had if she asked me. I am SO THANKFUL for her willingness to share godly wisdom with me! I always thought of my marriage as being a good one but after I read this book, my husband asked what I was up to. He is a Mr. Command man and I used to spend a lot of time licking my wounds over how controlling he was about EVERYTHING. After I started submitting with a cheerful attitude, he said he almost didn't like the book because I was working so hard on myself that he felt guilty and would now have to step up and do something to become a better husband. (Wow! I never thought I'd hear that from him!) I read Created every year just to renew my commitment to my marriage and my husband has become a kinder, gentler leader of our home. He works hard to please me and give me anything he thinks I might want without me even asking. I tell my friends he has me so spoiled that I stink! We've been married 15 years and have 4 sons that I homeschool. Our marriage has truly become a little slice of heaven on earth. Thank you, Debbie, for not pulling any punches. We need to hear the Truth. Most women my age were raised by working moms who's own marriages were being bashed against the rocks of the feminist movement of the 70s. Lord bless your ministry,
    Rachel in OKC

  16. I, too an african american woman was tired of hearing my husband always saying all african american woman are angry and bitter. I knew that there was something different out there but growing up in a family where all the woman were either divorced and now single mothers or they never married; I did not know how to attain it. After being married for 8 years my husband (he's a command man) threaten to divorce me if I didn't stop being so selfish and disrespectful. I started praying for God to change me, make me, shake me into the wife that my husband needs me to be. And shortly after that, a woman I knew supported her husband in everything and took care of her home so well had this book and I thought to myself that I had to have it. Well to make a long story short... This book has and is changing my life, my relationship with my husband and my children...After being married almost 11 years my husband last night while at dinner told me how he was telling his co-workers that he now has a true lady as his wife, he was telling them how I have come full-circle. And my service to him as his wife has made him want to become a better leader. I could not believe this my husband was praising me. Proverbs 30:28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her

    It felt so good and that wanted me to keep serving him and serve him with a cheerful heart. Thank you Debi for allowing God to use you in writing this book. I pray that this book will reach many more woman and change many more marriages!

  17. I was just browsing through and thought I would check in. My marriage is still going strong. I am still blessed by this book and even more blessed by "doing" the will of God. I pray that more women, regardless of color, embrace the Word of God and experience "heaven" in their marriage.
    Thanks Debbie for being obedient to the Lord and sharing your wisdom with us.

  18. I have read all the comments about Created to be His Helpmeet and found them to be inspiring even the negative ones. I have not read the book because I can't afford it right now, but have been given excerpts of it from a Godly woman in my home church.
    My situation is a little different than most of the women who have commented here. My husband and I have been separated for 20 years. Somehow, even though we don't live together, I still love him and still hope that we will live together as a couple soon. I began applying some of the principles shared with me by my friend and low and behold, began to see positive changes in him. He has praised me for being a good mother for raising our children by myself. He appreciates the God given joy I have in spite of my circumstances, (unemployed, poor) and desires to spend more time with me and even has mentioned that we may live together as husband and wife in the future. He also helps me as much as he can financially.
    I may not agree with every principle shown me, but so far they are right on point. God bless you Debi Pearl for writing this book and God bless you Michael Pearl for encouraging and supporting her in this ministry. By the way, I am also an African American woman. 🙂

  19. Thank you for your Book Created to be his helpmeet. It has been a big blessing to me and taught me so much.

    For those of you who think this is an archaic idea, have no idea how much it makes a marriage work. I grew up in a home where the wife, (my mother) didn't honor or respect, or love her husband (my dad) it created a huge mess. Today they are divorced. Loving your husband the way God instructed and created you is the best life role you could ever have.

    I have a wonderful marriage, and the best husband ever. A wonderful provider, my best friend (other than my Heavenly Father), my wonderful lover, and so much more.

    Thank you so much for taking time and energy to write this book and get it published. Thank you for not sugar coating what God states to be true. Thank you for addressing modesty as well. I know this can a touchy subject, but you handle it with honesty and with clear direction towards what Christ would want from us women in honoring men.

  20. Dear ladies,
    i am still finishing reading this book.. but i have to say it did affect my life. Eventhough i try to "Fight" it, deep down i knwo God's will for me. I am praying that God will mold me into being my husband's help meet. Currently i am a pre med student and have a baby, and i still dream of becoming a doctor and save lifes.... but now, i question every desicion in my life--- and it is so hard to let go of your dreams, even though my husband supports me in this... i just know that if i continue going to school (and i work part time) i wont be able to be100% help meet.... sorry for pouring all this here... praying that God will open my eyes and continue His work...
    P.S. i started doing some of the principles that i've read in this book and i've saw amazing change in my husbands behavior and responce to me.... =0

  21. Thank you Lord for such a wonderful life you give us......Thank you Debi and Michael for following God and His will for your life.Thank you for teaching us how to have and be God's people and families. Thank you dear for sharing your testimony with us but more for doing what you should have done, for obeying God and making the changes, having a teachable heart.....I am not married but the Lord has placed these things on my heart. I know I will minister to many more women&men in the time to come in this area of marriage and family.I can feel your joy and ooooh I have had tears flow just feeling what God did in your life. Bless God who does such wonderful things!