Why? But Why?
When a child is told to do something that he doesn’t want to do, he will often ask, “Why?” It most cases the question is not prompted by a spirit of cooperative inquiry — it is prompted by a spirit of rebellion.
The question is thrown at the parent as a challenge to his or her authority, wisdom, and motive. The child’s question is actually a statement of defiance. The wise parent will know that the character of the child is better served if the question is left unanswered. The child should trust the wisdom and good intentions of the parent.
The issue is not a deficit of information but a deficit of character. The child who is perfectly compliant in spirit doesn’t need explanations. Yet, in some cases, he may delight in knowing why because he enjoys playing his part in the scheme of things. Be sensitive.
what if you do ignore them and they just keep asking “why” do i then dicipline them?
Having two little ones asking ‘why’ umpteenth times daily, I can attest to this article. Very, very true. And the real ‘trick’ is to discern between genuine want to know and a defiant spirit ! One has to think on your feet there and then while being busy with lots of things, so it is quite some challenge.
Amanda, why not answer them? There’s a novel idea. Allow your little one to think and learn. For example, when you say “don’t touch the fire” and your little on says “why?” don’t hit them with a stick for there defiance, tell them “because it’s hot”. See how it works?
We allow them to ask, “May I ask why?” but teach them to accept “no”.
Consistency, as a parent, is where I often fail!
Here’s what I tell my brother: “first say ‘yes ma’am,’ and start obeying, then you can ask why.”