I know I am a little bit too young to be worried about this (I’m 16) but my problem is that I am always moving around (my dad has a job where he is moved a lot) so I never really get to know a lot of people. How will I ever find a husband if I don’t get to know any Christian boys? My mom told me to just pray and I guess she is right but do you have any advice on how I could meet people when I am out of school?
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Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girl—or at least that’s the way it should be. Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was—how shall I say it—a frustrating learning experience.
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Well, you can always meet people at church of course, and I’m sure you will be surprised how God uses different situations to bring along a spouse. I do encourage you not to worry, because if you are God’s child than you are his princess and he wants the best for you, and he will make the best for you if you love him and trust in Him. All things work together for good to them that love the Lord!!!
Volunteer! 😀 Perhaps at a senior center or therapeutic riding center for the handicapped (which is what I do, and I absolutely love it!!)
You’re single now, and singleness is not simply waiting to be married or a ‘searching out possibilities’ time, but a season in your life God intended for you to use in a meaningful way. There are things you can’t do when you’re married that you CAN do right now, in your singleness. You may marry in a few years *assuming you do, hypothetically speaking here*, that means you only have those couple years to be single left in likely the rest of your life. You don’t have to schedule your life around trying to find fine young Christian men, in hopes that you’ll marry one of them someday– I’ve struggled with that same question myself, of weather to ‘be findable’ or wait around for a husband. The answer *for me anyway* is ‘neither’. To be findable is limiting, being that I might not be considered very ‘findable’ in a missions trip in some other country where there’s hardly anyone who speaks my language, let alone young men around to ask for my hand in marriage– so being ‘findable’ isn’t always an option. I don’t want to plan my life around being findable, but around God’s desire for me– which very well may NOT be marriage, since not every women is meant for marriage [or at least, may not marry at a young age– let’s remember there’s many women in their 30s, 40s and 50s who are still waiting to meet Mr. Right and of course, it’s totally possible for them no matter their age, but God does not guarantee, that all women will marry. And I don’t want to waist my life trying to be ready to open a gift that God may not intend for me– marriage.].
Then there is the choice to not worry about marriage at all– this can be good in a sense, but it has its downsides, such as dismissing marriage as unimportant, or being proud of your singleness as if it was a higher calling than marriage [marriage and singleness are BOTH callings, neither of which is ‘higher’ than the other. Both are important, and BOTH were meant to be used TO THE FULL.]
I would say not to worry about putting yourself around where guys are at– if you want to join some activity for the sake of loving the activity, and there happens to be nice Christian guys around, that’s great! But if God desires for you to marry, He will bring your future husband to you, no matter where you are. Some may disagree, but I’ve seen this proven true– it’s also usually when we least expect it that God gives it to us [nothing like the element of surprise to shake things up!]. So there’s a good chance God could be waiting on you to calm down and stop trying to search out a love story and just let Him write it and cause all the pieces to fall into place Himself.
Of course, my advice/opinions are personal preferences, and you should always check out the B-I-B-L-E for yourself and take it to the Lord in prayer before making any big decisions.
Remember this: it is not YOU who has to or is even supposed to find your future husband, but God! In fact, if you are intended by God to be married, He already KNOWS who that person is and is preparing him for a life with you now. Pray for your future husband, that if the Lord wills it, he will find you. Be glad this job isn’t on your shoulders! God will bear it for you– if you ask Him to and TRUST Him to. “Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer”. That’s one of my favorite parts of a hymn I have the privilege to sing often, and really, it’s important to remember that everything in our lives isn’t all in our hands– if it was, things would be chaos! But thank GOODNESS God is the one working things out for those who love Him, for those called according to His purpose. I know– it is REALLY hard to not try and ‘help things along’, especially when it comes to our future husbands! But really, the best love stories are the ones GOD brings into being, and causes to flow in the way that is most beautiful. Read Eric and Leslie Ludy’s book “When God Writes Your Love Story”:
http://www.amazon.com/When-Writes-Story-Expanded-Edition/dp/1601421656/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342501421&sr=8-1&keywords=when+god+writes+your+love+story+by+eric+and+leslie+ludy
Eric and Leslie Ludy have other books about relationships and SINGLNESS [which I highly recommend! In fact, read that one FIRST!] Here’s the link to that one:
http://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Singleness-Set-Apart-Purpose-Fulfillment/dp/0736922881/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342501503&sr=1-1&keywords=sacred+singleness
I hope God opens your eyes to see the way He wants you to go [A mans heart plans his way, but the LORD DIRECTS his steps]! At the end of the day, it’s all about Him, and thank God, we have the best part of the deal, that we get to RELY on Him and TRUST in Him and put our HOPE in Him, in all situations, even our love lives. It’s hard, but OH SO WORTH IT.
Maybe try taking a guy-fast? Let me explain– like you go a year without worrying about what guys think of you as a possible wife, if you should marry so-and-so or if such-and-such is a good candidate for you. You just focus SOULY on GOD and His kingdom, and the job He has for you– to serve Him and serve others! This might not sound as fun as daydreaming [or seriously considering!] about future husbands– and don’t get me wrong, when I say guy-fast, I don’t mean never look at, talk to, think about, associate yourself with, or pray for any guys! Quite the opposite! This exercise is meant to help you learn to look at them through different eyes. To look at them and see brothers, not potential possibilities.
And there is nothing wrong with meeting people. But don’t let your motive be to catch a guy– really, being a help meet is awesome, but there is more to life than just that. Singleness is a special, BLESSED time in your life, that you will *likely* never have again after marriage– which could be sooner than you think! No matter HOW LONG God intended for you to be single, you must live each day out for Him, as if there WAS NO TOMORROW. When you have no tomorrow, do you spend today, looking for the future husband of tomorrow? Of course not! If there’s no tomorrow, that means you can’t have a husband tomorrow! Not to say that you’ll never marry, but if you live life like it’s ‘just what I can do for the Lord RIGHT NOW’, then you’ll be very productive and likely much more at peace with the subject of marriage and finding a husband– because you won’t be in the mindset of finding, but being found. If you have a future husband out there, he’ll find you, and you don’t need to go out and find Him on your own. God will take care of you.
Marriage is a wonderful and God-given desire! But don’t let that ‘desire’ become an idol in your heart. Listen to this song, and I’ll be praying for you, that the Lord will help you focus on Him, and not be distracted too much, [even by good things] so that you can serve Him fervently and whole-heartedly!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6smGew7dGto
God bless!
The funny thing is, when we’re serving God wherever He puts us, we may be more “findable” than we realize. A friend of mine lived in a third-world country providing medical care for the people there. Hardly anyone else there spoke English and from a human perspective, her marriage prospects were nil, but her focus was on serving the Lord, not on finding a husband. But God isn’t held back by human reasoning. My friend met an amazing guy from another part of the U.S. who was in the same area serving God (not looking for a wife). They are now married and expecting their first child. They continue to serve God in the country where they met. They are even stronger together than they were separately because the primary goal for both of them is share the gospel and minister to the lost souls around them. That is a goal that has been in their hearts since before they ever met. I’m not saying that if you become a missionary, you will meet your prince charming on the mission field 🙂 , but when you are serving God, you can be assured that everything that happens is a part of His plan.
Great post. 😀 Thanks for the video link at the end, that was absolutely beautiful!!!
Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it right now. God knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. Don’t let your “worrying” get in the way of his will. He’ll take care of you. In the meantime, just pray and delve into his word. If God wants to introduce that “special” someone into your life, he’ll let you know.:)
I am 19 and have NO guys interested in me. That’s fine. Apparently, God has different plans for me at the moment. But take advantage of that singleness to serve God and spread the Gospel. Maybe that’s how you’ll meet that special guy. Who knows? Just trust the Lord, and everything will be alright.:)
I don’t know that many boys and I’m 16 also (and as for ‘good Christian boys’ I know even less). My mom tends to worry about it a lot more than me. But I think, as long as I am busy doing God’s will, he will bring the right man at the right time and I will meet more people wherever I go. Just try to keep busy and don’t worry yet!
I like what Alexandra had to say. Here’s the thing- even if you were surrounded by awesome Christian guys, what if none of them were interested in you? Trust me, that’s even harder than waiting with no guys around! God does know exactly what He’s doing. There’s nothing wrong with getting out and meeting people (in fact, I would encourage it), but it’s not going to guarantee you a husband. Nothing is! So keep trusting and stay busy and productive and things will work out (maybe not exactly how you think they will, but God has a purpose and everything works out according to His plan).
Here’s something to chew on: A while back I was lamenting to my sister that there were no good guys around and that I’d just like to know a few good guys. She stopped what she was doing, looked me in the eye and said, “You know, it doesn’t take a crowd of good guys. It only takes one.” Way to put me in my place, little sis!
Whatever you do, do it passionately and completely.
Stand firm on what you believe, unwavering.
Don’t worry about tomorrow. God takes care of the sparrows, and He promises that if you delight yourself in Him, He will give you the desires of your heart.
Don’t be critical.
Smile always.
Don’t hideaway, but also don’t set yourself out on a pedestal as a man-seeker.
Remember, you don’t know what God will bring in your path today…so live each moment to the fullest and serve God with all you have.
Blessings!
Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
I am also a worry-wart, trust that God will provide 🙂
The good thing about your situation is that you will meet more guys than the average girl, due to moving. So see it as a positive 🙂
It doesn’t take long for a guy (command man type especially) who is serious about marriage to know if you are “his girl.” Sometimes if a guy knows a girl he has liked is leaving soon, it forces him to make a decsion and act. I call it “graduation courage.” Many guys get the courage to ask out a girl they are serious about but have never had the guts to talk to, simply because they have to!…she is graduating and if he doesn’t do or say something-he will never know what could have been!
Don’t worry about in depth relationships with guys that you think will lead to marriage. It is better to keep your heart and meet a lot of guys casually.
Of course girls not in your situation don’t get depressed-Im just trying to help Janey see the bright side 🙂
serving others will help you keep your mind off of boys. Study mathematics or some other really difficult subject that only men seem to enjoy. Study the bible (1$ KJV at dollar store) like you would study a science book in depth. Learn how to be content single and then you won’t have to worry so heavily about marrying a “godly” man. In fact it may seem like most men are “ungodly” as they often are looking for bedroom time or are VERY foolish with money, its rather that you have to accept and ENJOY your god-designed role of being helpmeet.
I was a tom-boy at one time so I would be the one who picked up a basketball and started playing with the guys…….have at it, and don’t stress too heavily.
I love this! Especially the $1 Bibles. In addition to my ‘regular’ Bible, I also got a ‘car’ Bible and a ‘suitcase’ Bible that has a ton of notes scribbled in it. Also love the part about studying. At church I am the only girl who cares to discuss discuss theology and Bible topics. It’s really sad, to be honest. I asked the preacher’s wife what the purpose of communion was (we do communion a little differently than most churches), and after stumbling around a little bit, she said she didn’t know, and to ask [the pastor]. I love my pastor’s family and have spent a lot of time with them discussing Bible topics, but oddly enough it is only with the dad and his older sons. The daughters aren’t really interested (unless it is about courtship- then they’re all game), and the mom is I presume busy with taking care of the home. It ticks me off when I see Christian girls who don’t care about studying the Bible. It is God’s word- what’s more important than that?
I used to think that it was bad to be “masculine”- to work at a job, lift heavy objects, or have hobbies besides needlework and cooking (shhhh don’t tell anyone about the electric guitar!). After being eligible/and or single for several years, I decided to stop trying so hard to catch a man and just do what I want, feminine or not. It has been a lot of fun. I bought a car and learned where stuff was on it. When it broke, I tried to fix it, and when it died I helped my 11 y/o brother part it out. I learned the difference between manual and automatic transmissions, and now I’m learning to drive a stick shift. I learned to set and empty mousetraps and shoot a gun. In the fall I’m planning on getting a concealed carry license. Life is a lot more fun when you’re not trying to be someone you’re not in order to ‘catch’ a man.
Whoa girls, 16 is too young to be pining away for a husband. Most boys are just that at 16, boys! I hardly know any boys at 18 or 20 who are ready to get married. 16 year old, you are cute, and smart, and probably super awesome, but you are not ready to be worrying about marriage. Learn, finish school, get a job, go to college, travel, have fun, volunteer, go on trips, explore the world. Soon enough you will be at home having fun, but also being completely exhausted with your babies and family. You should get ready by working and saving money. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would live at home for a while (I graduated high school at age 16) I would save almost all of my income, in a few years by a home, and grow my own food and have chickens! I would have traveled, made friends, worked for God. You are not too young to improve yourself, but you are too young to worry about getting hitched. Be yourself, and in a few years the right guy who loves you for you will be your man. Don’t play silly games, contriving about how to make yourself available to a potential husband. That sounds a bit like prostitution. How would ladies like if they thought men planned and schemed about how to make girls, it would sound risque’. Just chill, have fun, grow your already awesome self into an even more precious jewel!
I wouldn’t be too worried, Janeyy. My husband and I met online through a homeschool site. We lived over 2,000 miles apart at the time. God has happy surprises! 🙂