So I am in Bible College and I met a great guy. I was not sure whether I really liked him or not(still am not sure) so I started observing him. He really seems to love God and wants to serve him and that is what really attracted me to him was seeing him involved in different ministries and his heart for God. For a about a month and a half he seemed to be showing an interest in me until he noticed that I was watching him. Then he asked someone to tell me that he was not interested in a relationship with anyone at this point in time. That is fine with me. I was avised to ignore him for the next while which I have done. But now it is very akward whenever we are together. I don’t want to be mean but sometimes I feel I am being rude by ignoring him which is very hard to do as I am attracted to him. I am still trying to be nice without giving him any ideas. How can I still be a friend? And should I allow myself to be interested in him? It still may be a possibility in the future but right now is just not the right timing. He is a perfectionist who wants to have everything in order before he gets married. I don’t want to scare him off.
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I totally get what you are talking about! I am in a somewhat similar situation. I wish I had some advice, but I don’t. 🙁 Maybe we will both get some answers, hey? You and all the other sisters in Christ out there that are going through stuff like this are in my prayers though, because I know personally that relationships are not easy!
Well, as an after-thought it seems like you are pretty much doing the right thing by being nice, but not over friendly. However, ignoring him at times probably isn’t the best choice. Perhaps try to still acknowledge him without showing anything beyond friendliness. Keeping to the same normal things you would discuss with anyone will help things stay neutral and hopefully keep things in the both your comfort zones. 🙂 Too much boldness and you may scare him off, but showing ” disinterest ” and you may lose his attention! And as for staying interested in him…don’t continually think of him as a possible future mate. Just pray for him as a brother in Christ. He certainly will need all the prayers he can get being in ministry. 🙂
Lord bless! <3
A few things from my experience:
1) If he had to tell you “I’m not interested”, you made it obvious that you were watching him and already scared him off.
2) Who was it that told you? Was it his relative or a guy friend? That’s more dependable than one of your mutual girlfriends who has “known him forever”. I’m always skeptical of a third party, especially when it involves a bunch of gossiping girls (yes I got caught in this).
3) Don’t initiate contact. Don’t call him to ‘encourage him’ or ask for prayer requests or whatever. If he still wants to be your friend, he will make an effort to talk to you.
4) Move on. Keep a busy and full life so you don’t have the need to ‘watch’ him.
5) “I’m not interested in a relationship right now” could mean a) I don’t like you, b) nothing, or c) both of the above. My boyfriend repeatedly said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, in group settings and when it was just the two of us casually talking. He also told me (to my face!) that he would consider a relationship “if the right girl came along”. This is ironic because here I am now, “the right girl”. Not trying to get your hopes up here- just saying that it happened to me.
I hope all that makes sense. #5 takes a lot of explaining that I don’t have time to get into, but the others are pretty straightforward.
I agree with omni. Pray for him. Get your thinking away from your attraction to him, and pray that God gives him wisdom and direction (‘take every thought captive.’). In this situation I would go further and tell him outright that I agree to be just friends at this point– to be a sister in Christ and no more until God directs him otherwise. Be honest with him and yourself, and don’t let your feelings run away with you! Pray for wisdom and bring scripture to mind whenever you are tempted with impure thoughts.
Praying for you! 🙂