Hi there! So this is proving hard to ask…I’m going to give it a try though. I’m 19 years old, attend a great church, and am involved in the ministry for young adults of my age group. There are several guys who appear to be Godly and honorable, and whom I would really like to get to know. I don’t have brothers, and have never spent a great deal of time around guys-especially those younger 40. : ) Other girls seem to know how to be friendly without crossing the line into inappropriate conduct, or appearing flirtatious.
Can you give me any pointers on how to be a friendly, cheerful member of the group without being too forward? I don’t want to be stiff, or shy, nor do I want to send the wrong message. (That I’m chasing them, etc.)
Thank you! I really appreciate the input you give. I have read Preparing several times, including with my family, and like it immensely. Now, if only I could conquer my awkwardness and be someone guys want to hang out with! God bless you richly. Can’t wait to hear from you.
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Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girl—or at least that’s the way it should be. Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was—how shall I say it—a frustrating learning experience.
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Ok, I like your question.
The Lord has given me the chance to work with many young men. Well, only one is older than me, but anyway I have to be careful with what I do or say.
Abstain from all appearance of evil. 1 Thessalonians 5:22
Think about this before talking of acting; is it giving any appearance of evil?
If you are not sure ask your mom or dad or any other godly woman you know.
It is useful for me to think that I have to guard my heart, mind and body for my future husband (and obviously for the Lord), so we don’t have to act different around guys just because we are single. I think, would my future husband like that I say this to this other man? And I also ask myself, what would the future wife of this young man would think of this? This gives you an idea of what could be wrong.
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
I can tell you, don’t ever say things or participate in conversations that are going to expose your heart. Letting them know your feelings and many details of your life and yourself, often makes them think that you may be interested in them.
Well, I´m going to tell you some things that I think should never be done, and some others that my mom has told me to do or to never do.
Don’t touch them, you know, don´t hug them, don´t tickle them, don’t h
hurt them.
Don´t let them touch you.
Don´t stay or seek to be alone with a guy.
Don’t let them know how handsome or strong they are hahaha. You can encourage them in better ways.
Be careful you don´t talk too much, and don´t laugh too much.
Don´t prefer one guy over the others. If you do, don´t let anyone but your mom or dad to know.
Don´t look for attention, try to glorify the Lord in your actions.
Be careful with your jokes
Pray every day that the Lord gives you wisdom to be a good friend to them
Pray for them
Well, hope this is useful for you. The best way to know young men is in the ministry, and a lot of times you don´t need to seek to know them to get to know them; the Lord makes it possible, just pray that He leads you and that He gives you the chance to know them better in a godly way. And remember that godly men respect and want to be friends to godly women, so seek to be godly more than friendly.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Mathew 6:33
In Christ,
Allie
I understand your confusion. It is something I have always struggled with.
I never have developed many rules. I do insist upon a couple though:
(1) No touching
(2) No girly behavior such as fluttering eye lashes and giggling incessantly.
(3) Do not discuss emotional matters. (It can lead to heartache later on.)
Instead I focus on WHO the individual is. Each person is a little different. Think of some of your girl friends- some are probably pretty outgoing and bubbly and enjoy being chatty and others are probably more quiet and reserved. Guys are the same way.
I know two guys who are close to the same age, both from conservative Christian backgrounds, and from their the similarities end….
Guy 1: Very quiet, reserved, rarely talks, ESPECIALLY if any girls are around.
Guy 2: Very outgoing and talkative. Is best friends with everyone he knows and can talk your ear off. He doesn’t care if you are a guy or a gal. He loves to hang out, joke, and shoot the breeze.
Now, if you were to send both of these guys short note for a birthday, or thank you or something, you would get two different responses.
Guy 1: Freak out and run the other way as fast as he could
Guy 2: Think it was a friendly thing to do and call you and thank you for it.
But if you were to be as reserved as Guy 1 needs and rarely even speak to them unless they initiate the contact, Guy 2 would be convinced that you are offended or mad at them. (I actually had that happen.)
I try to treat a young man as the individual they are. If they are reserved- be just as reserved to them. If they are outgoing, you can be pretty social as well. Don’t try to have a cookie cutter response for each situation. I understand it is VERY hard. Sometimes I don’t know what to do.
Pay attention to how the guy acts. If he doesn’t seem to want to interact, don’t force him. Give him his space. (My brother is like that.) If he seems to be fine with it, than okay, but be careful.
On the other hand, pay attention to how he acts if he is enjoying interaction. If you start picking up that he may have more than a friendship in mind- be heads up!!!! Don’t encourage more of a friendship than you want. If you suspect it is getting out of hand, back off a couple notches.
Above all, ask the Lord for wisdom in each and every situation.