Posted February 24, 2014


My husband is a visionary/steady. He is always changing the rules and his preferences. He is especially affected by whomever we are spending the most time with. When we first married, I only wore skirts.  6 months after he told me to start wearing pants. He was into bicycle racing and wanted me to fit in. A few yrs  later,  we met some Mennonites  and he told me I needed to go back to skirts. Then later he told me I needed to stop wearing all makeup, jewelry,  and nail polish.  What bothers me is he said he hates those things and always had  (but for years he was buying me jewelry  and would paint mytoes when I was hugely pregnant). The interesting thing is, he stopped complimenting me when I stopped wearing those things. The latest thing is that I can wear jewelry and nail polish if I want, but he prefers that I don’t. I am just so confused! Is there a line between pleasing your husband and being yourself? I really enjoy doing those things, I feel more ladylike. Plus I associate those things to him being pleased with me, because that is when he would compliment me. But I want to do what’s right. My other questions would be, why is he so easily influenced by others? And how can I as his wife help him to be his own man? He is the leader in our home,  and he does fine until we meet new people or make new friends and then he tends to copy them. But he always says he always felt/believed  that way. It’s  frustrating.  He also goes thru random changes. Like once he banned me from wearing the color brown, because it’s  the color of poop,  a few months later its  one of his favourite colors. Once he had me throw away my favourite shirt because it was the ugliest shirt he had ever seen…some yrs later he saw a picture of me in that shirt and asked me where it was and why I didn’t wear it anymore because he really likes it. I literally have tons of stories like that! It almost sounds mental, but he’s totally stable -his dad is the exact same way,  and he’s even more visionary than my husband. I would appreciate any advice!!





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  1. thankfulwifey

    Wow! What a wild ride! Glad you assured us he is stable 🙂

    He is a complex man it sounds like. Think of him like Picasso, seeing all sides of an issue at the same time. I find him interesting, but I am not married to him hehe. Anyways…I think admiring a man is the best thing you can do to help him be his own man. I would tell him how impressed you are with his thoughtfulness and willingness to change his mind, which is a sign of great humility. Many men have WAY too much pride to change their mind. Tell him you love that he is willing to be “all things to all men that I might by all means save some.” Try and stay flexible. Perhaps, your shape shifting has helped your ministry to others? Perhaps it has been God’s will?

    I purposely don’t wear makeup or earrings when I visit new moms or sick people, to be more compassionate. May sound silly, but those can be tough times and I want to do anything I can to help. I purposely add those things at 4 oclock before my husband comes home:) Anyways, I admire that you have stayed flexible and not bitter! I have fought with my husband about clothes 🙁

    # March 18, 2014