Posted April 18, 2013

About two years ago my family’s heater broke so we hired someone from a local heating and air service to come out and fix it. A young man came out for the call and ended up asking my mom if we were homeschooled. ┬áThis lead to a conversation about his family, how he had seven brothers and one sister, his wife was expecting, his family went to such-and-such church, etc. Mom was so excited to learn about a church with a bunch of large families and homeschoolers in the area, so we visited the church shortly after that and my dad made the decision to stay.

About a year and a half ago, the young man’s mom, who I’ll call Mary, asked me to teach her youngest two children the piano once a week out at their house. It was through this that I got to know their family, mainly their four youngest sons (the oldest are grown and married) and their daughter (she’s 10). I always thought all the sons were at least two years younger than me and never gave much thought to a particular son I’ll call Caleb, especially since he was set to graduate and go off to college far far away very soon.

Nearly a year ago, Caleb and his mom shared the news that Caleb would be attending the same university I was. Shortly after that, Caleb asked me for a tour of the campus. I was starting to become best friends with his cousin, Martha, and she planted the thought in my mind that perhaps he was interested, but I hardly dared believe it.

Fast forward to today, and it is 100% obvious that Caleb and I share a mutual interest. I have never received so many comments and jokes about it as I had yesterday, which lead me to post on this blog for your advice.

The comments from his family and friends have gotten so blatant and the teasing so obvious, the only people in the room who won’t admit anything are Caleb and me! I have a horrible poker face and I fear my reactions egg them on, but Caleb has perfected the art of stonily ignoring the comments and changing the subject.

I think Caleb thinks I would be expecting an immediate courtship if he said anything, but truth be told I’m not ready to dive in to something like that and neither is he. I’m going to be going away for a yearlong mission trip next summer when I graduate, Lord willing, and he has expressed to his brother (who told his cousin, who told me) that he doesn’t think I’ll wait for him but that I’ll just go about my business never to be seen again.

It seems that at the moment we are just enjoying getting to know each other in group settings. We attend the same Bible study. His best friend is courting my best friend (his cousin) so we have fun get-togethers that they tease is a double date, which is debatable depending on who you ask.

However, not all of our contact is in groups. This morning, Caleb asked me to meet him at 6:30am before classes and play racquetball with him. Sometimes I tutor him in math since I work as a university tutor, but I’ve also met him outside of university hours to just sit with him and do homework together in case he had a question.

My question is this: should I address the teasing and current situation? I want him to know that I will wait, that I don’t expect anything from him he is not willing to give while he is focusing on school, and that I just enjoy getting to know him casually. But I don’t know if this would be wise, since he ignores any comments in public. Should I just follow his lead? Is he being this way just because he thinks I will expect something if he admits what is obvious to everyone?


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  1. haleymay - the author of this post.

    Didn’t mean to post the same question twice– a much better wording of this question is here:

    For some reason I got a 404 Error and thought my question had never been posted.

    # July 4, 2013

    • Esther Rose

      Whenever I submit a question, I get a 404 error, too–do other people have this problem as well?

      # July 4, 2013

  2. mdewald

    I got an error too!

    What does your father say? I would be inclined to follow his lead for the most part. But it does sound like he is a little wishful but insecure that you would wait. He may be trusting God to bring it to pass in His timing. I don’t think it would be inappropriate in the context of all that has already transpired to say “I will really miss our times together.” In my opinion, that would not lower your integrity or be too forward at this point. It might open the door he has been waiting for.

    # August 21, 2013