What does a good, clean, dating relationship look like? What is my role as ‘girlfriend’? I want to help and encourage him, but at the same time I don’t want to be his wife, because he hasn’t committed to that yet. He is 26 and I’m 21, neither of has been in a serious relationship before. Basically what I would like to know where the line is between ‘wife’ and ‘girlfriend’.
Physical contact- what is appropriate and what is going too far. FYI- he wants to save the first kiss (and obviously sex) for the wedding day.
Wifely duties- is it okay to cook him dinner on occasion? Laundry? Clean his toilet? (Eeew… that last one was partly a joke).
Emotional bonding- what do I tell him or not tell him about myself? Is it okay to share my feelings? To what extent?
I know some of you are old enough to have married before the whole courtship thing, so I’m wondering if you have any advice. Also what is a good ‘date’? He is social but totally uncreative and wants me to come up with ideas. I’m creative, but my idea of fun is to play guitar by myself. My last idea was window shopping at Walmart, so yeah… I need help on that one.
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If it is not courting (or intensions to be married) I would steer clear of being alone with a man or doing many wifey things. The sparks die easily (or opposite date rape happens easily in some cases) when people act married before they are married. You could look at the account of Rachel in the bible and see how she behaved before marriage. There isn’t a lot of information but one can generalize a service attitude towards all men and not focused on one specifically as a “boyfriend.”
Before actual courting even takes place, make sure he has an actual vision of God calling him to be with you (like the Gideon story in the bible). A heart set on true vision will fill in the gaps left behind by our limited human understanding of God’s love for us. Also pray and ask God if He is the right guy for you!! God can and will give you a vision if you fully trust him. This will help you immensely in finding true long lasting and trusting love in your future spouse.
When intentions of marriage are in place and courting has begun, (usually it should only between 3 months to 12 months and then actual marriage plans are in order), it is safest to focus on “Dating” with other family members in the light with you and beau. You could go to the fair or carnival, but invite sister or brother along to ensure safe relationship (no kissing excessive cuddling etc). Serve others at a local food-shelter with beau and a good older woman friend. Have him bring over his parents and family whom he is close to for a supper that you prepare. Play a game of monopoly with your grandma and beau. If you do “something” make sure other family members are involved so his character is investigated fully and you are comfortable. Plan on a special “date” or just “get-to-gether” once a week to once a month in some cases. Speak to his church family, community where he works and such to ensure that you can trust him before the actual knot is tied.
Hope that information helps. I was not in a betrothal style marriage preparation myself, but I had a friend who was and her marriage started successfully and is still succeeding quite well.
I have been dating a man for a little over a year. We are both christians and we both have never been in another serious relationship. We went in with the Mindset that we were dating to decided if we were a good marriage match. We said up front if either of us at any time decided this was not working out toward marriage we would break up. My dad was involved he met him and gave him permission but most of the decions on boundaries was left up to me and my boyfriend. Let me just say from personal experience that once you cross a physical line its very difficult to go back. Me and my boy friend believe in abstinence before marriage and hole strongly to that. We constantly reassess physical boundaries from and ask the other person hen I rub your back is that okay. we talk about it and but more boundaries where its needed. If kissing is being saved for your wedding make sure you put boundaries so there wont be an accidental kiss. I think hugs and holding hands are good ways of showing affection.
I think cooking for your man is so sweet and my boyfriend says it makes him feel so loved. Making cookies, cleaning doing the dishes when you are at his house. I think those are healthy fun ways of showing love and developing as a couple.
One Rule that has been extremely vital and important is We never are in each others houses alone there always has to be a roommate or someone else with us.
Emotional bonds are hard to draw the line. because as your relationship progresses I think its healthy to become more and more emotionally connected and share more of you personal thoughts and feelings. but somethings would be saying I love you to early or sharing past sins to early, or even talking about getting married prematurely these things cause you to grow closer emotionally and you just have to watch thing.
Some fun dates are going on tours of factories I went to an Ice cream factory and a pecan farm so fun also antique shopping. double dates are fun to. coffee shop dates were you can just talk and enjoy the atmosphere. My favorite date was when my boyfriend and I went on a walk and got caught in the rain it was so fun.!
Good Luke