I’m really bogged down with the relationships in my family; we grew up in a closeknit community and relations with people outside the family were built at the cost of internal bonds. So now we are all on the defensive toward each other; we can’t stand each other;(sorry for the crude language!) there might be mutual respect, (now that all 8 of us are grown up) but very little mutual affection. We don’t find it in ourselves to let each other close, much less into our hearts. Where siblings should have a kind of ingrained, natural love for each other, its just not there. I’m on of the oldest, and what makes it almost unbearable is my own struggles to “manufacture” this affection, on top of being the only one who is aware. The rest of my siblings, and parents, don’t, or seemingly don’t, see this.