So I’m getting married to my best friend next year. I want a small, evening wedding with just his immediate family and mine at the ceremony (that will total 25) with a potluck/informal style meal for our friends and wider family circle afterwards. However, my mother-in-law-to-be is really pushing hard for a large wedding in the church hall with a three course meal in an upmarket restaurant to follow. My fiancé is being a typical man and claims that as long as we get married, he’s not so bothered how it happens although he did admit he would prefer a smaller ceremony. His mother got very annoyed at this and eventually Anthony had to plainly and frankly tell her that she MUST leave me alone to manage the wedding but she ignored everything he said and she is still making my life really hard. She says things like, “Anthony deserves to be spoilt on this occasion; it’s his wedding too”, “I know Anthony far better than you or he does do so I should be the one to make the decisions”. Anthony and I are tired of getting arguing with her and we are getting to our limit of how much we can take. We are considering eloping but we know our families would not like that option but we really don’t what to do. At one point she even threatened to not come to the wedding but I think she saw sense about that. I really don’t get why she’s taken this sudden dislike to me. She and Ant’s dad both gave him their blessing before he proposed to me and was so kind to me until Anthony and I sat down to plan the wedding. Then she barged into the room and was like, “no, I don’t like that idea…or that one…no…how about this?”. It’s our wedding and we don’t want to have one that is filled with tension but neither do we want her option. Her husband refuses to take anyone’s ‘side’. The thing is, Anthony is paying for the wedding and we really can’t afford a three course meal for 300 people! He has a successful business but right now most of his money is going into savings for our house. We said this to her and she offered to pay for it which shows just how much she wants her way but we don’t know how to compromise and we don’t want to give in because we don’t want her to muscle in on every major decision in our lives after that, believing she knows best! I really need some expert advice!
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Do not give in to her but be nice to a point. She is his mother and will be your children’s grandmother so you have to be firm but nice. You need to sit down with your to be and ask him to help you plan out your wedding and put it in writing than both of you sign it in agreement than make copies and pass them out to everyone involved and tell them if they would like to come or participate they must know that you are both together in this decision as you will be for the rest of your life in every decision you make and they can respect that or not come, it is up to them and that you hope that everyone can respect both your wishes. If she ever pulls you to the side and wants to talk about it tell her very nicely that you would love to talk to her but only with her son present as you are deciding everything together from now on. You are going to have to be together in every decision that you make for if she wants to control in this she is going to do the same with your kids so talk to him about it now and make a game plan.