I have a problem that I’m hoping someone out there can help me with. I am CLUELESS when a male is trying to get my attention. I didn’t realize my head was in the clouds so much until a few days ago, when my mother and I went out shopping. We were buying groceries and this one worker kept helping us, smiling, bagged our groceries, and kept bouncing around. We left, and my mother says: “You were rather cold to that boy. He did everything except slide on his knees to you”. I felt hurt, and even more upset that I might have hurt his feelings. I had smiled at him, but didn’t initiate a conversation (which he hadn’t with me). During that time I had been thinking about other things, like wrestling with the cart, wondering why the paper towels on the shelf were squashed, and remembering that we needed cat food. Anyway, now it’s occurred to me that this same situation has happened many times before, and I never caught on to what’s going on. I said that to my mother, and she whacked me with her purse in frustration. I never, ever intend to be impolite, but I’ve never been socially smooth anyways, and I feel awkward just chattering away to strange guys. Help! What can I do? My main point is that I do not want to insult or hurt someone’s feelings.
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Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girl—or at least that’s the way it should be. Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was—how shall I say it—a frustrating learning experience.
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Then act as if everyone is trying to get your attention, and treat everyone the same–with kindness. Sounds like your mom’s pretty wise in this area, so you should always ask her advice too! 🙂
I used to have the very opposite problem where I’d be TOO friendly! 🙂 I mean, I’m just friendly to everyone and I used to wave even at men I didn’t know when walking through the parking lot! Isn’t that bad?! I had no clue though that it could come off as flirty! (I never waved at young men at least). In your situation, I would just try to be more aware of things and just use your manners and be friendly to everyone. You don’t have to make a conversation unless it seems necessary. But I hope you feel more confident! My sister tends to be so awkward because of her nervousness and I feel bad for her sometimes. Also, I really hope your mom isn’t mean or degrading. My mom would never hit me with her purse unless she was joking.
AH! I’ve been in the same boat sometimes. But totally echoing what CJ said just focus on brightening everyone’s day that you meet, and people shouldn’t ever be offended. Also, I have a sort of agreement with my mom that if I were being clueless, she would discreetly nudge/poke me so I might get my head out of the clouds. But, now that you know it was happening, I daresay you might be less clueless (in general), or at least I have found that to be the case in my own life!
Your mom seems rough. Hitting you with her purse, she doesn’t seem real smooth herself. Don’t worry the right guy will see your obliviousness and find it adorable and keep trying till you notice or God will open your eyes. Don’t worry God wont let you miss your true love, just keep seeking Him and He will open your eyes to him-your husband.
I purposely treated my husband as a friend for year when he wanted to be more. then he stopped talking to me and I had to humble myself and make up. The right guy wont give up and will forgive cluelessness (honestly he will find it endearing). In the meantime guys who are detered by a tiny bit of accidental cluelessness arent your husband and you are breaking your heart on them!
Can’t say I know how to help.
I am the exact opposite. Since my early teens, I have had an uncanny sense for one a guy was studying my or trying to catch my attention. Sometimes I couldn’t even figure out who it was- I just knew someone was watching me.
But- I purposefully ignored them. I didn’t know what else to do.
Dad finally got my attention and told me I ought to at least be a little encouraging to the guys whom I wanted attention from. Now, I try to be friendly, even if I have to go out of my comfort zone. I try to key it off of how a guy is treating me. One guy I know rarely speaks to me though I know he is interested. (He just stands around in the kitchen while I cook instead of hanging out in the living room with his buddies.) Others I know are quite talkative. Never be pushy in how you treat them, but if they want to talk- talk back. And a nice smile can do wonders for those really quiet guys who are scared to death of talking.
If you are just concerned about hurting a persons feeling- just pay attention to what is going on around you, and be friendly back. A nice smile, or “Have a good day”, or “Thank You” will prevent you from looking rude. And learn how to make small talk with folks who want to.
BUT!!!!! Be cautious about encouraging attention from the wrong kind of guys!!!! Unless it is a guy I know to be of reasonable character, I won’t be any more friendly than is necessary for good manners.
(I am going to assume your Mom is like mine, and that hitting you with the purse was all in fun and good nature. :))