Posted December 6, 2012

Hi everybody. I wrote about this guy a while back who I thought liked me. I was expecting him to make some kind of move at that time, but was given advice to not push him and wait it out. I saw him sporadically over the summer. After 6 months nothing happened and I thought, “Well, it’s over. He just likes me as a friend and that’s that.” I was kind of bummed out, but I have a lot of excitement in my life so it wasn’t a big deal.

However, I’m starting to get confused again. He started a Bible study at his house with some other young people and invited me, so now I am seeing him 2 or 3 times a week. He is friendly and jokes around with everyone, but he picks on me twice as much as anyone else! Before I tried to brush it off as “he’s like that to everyone” but he does single me out. The other day he said, “You know why I pick on you so much? Because you’re so pickable!” Huh? I know there have been other girls who thought that he liked them, so I really don’t want to make that mistake and would rather err on the side of caution. But it’s becoming a little obvious to other people and I’m not sure what to say. The other weekend I was with a friend and he called my cell phone. She saw his name and wanted to know who he was, after she heard a one-sided conversation of him basically asking me out (spending time one-on-one). Then I fumbled around trying to explain who he was and that I liked him but wasn’t sure if he liked me, blah blah blah. I’m not one to gush about my feelings AT ALL, so it was really wierd.

So that is problem #1. I want to keep my options open just in case he isn’t “the one”, but it’s kind of obvious that he singles me out. He might think that we are just friends and treating me accordingly, but people don’t know that. How do I explain to friends and family what is going on?

Problem #2. There is this other girl who started hanging out with our group a year or so ago. I was basically the catalyst for this connection. She got to be friends with this guy’s sister, and would hang out with us once and a while (this was when the brother was gone). Now the sister is gone, but the brother is here and my friend is seeing them all more than I am. I feel like she is after the guy I like. More than that, I feel like she used me to get ‘in’ with this group and now that she’s in we are not as good of friends as we were. She is very “spiritual” and much closer to the other girls than I will probably ever be. And I think she sees me as less spiritual. Which is fine, whatever. But it makes me secretly happy when the guy ignores her and chooses to talk to and be around me. I know this is probably wrong, but didn’t she bring it on herself? I don’t have these feelings toward the other girls. I don’t know what to do with the real/supposed tension between us. All this is going on in a very sweet, nice christian environment where nobody would say anything mean about each other. But there is something I don’t like about this girl.



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  1. lizzieteacher

    Wowwie! I know what your going through………and I think you just have to wait it out. I have had this happen to me and it’s not fun. Maybe this guy is serious and maybe he is not, hard to say. Most of all, please don’t give your heart away to soon and guard your thoughts. Do you have parents that support you? If you do “Guy” should talk to your Dad before he starts trying to ask you out. Talk to your family about this also and seek their advice.
    Psalms 27:13,14 has been a great encouragement to me

    Psalms 27:13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

    Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
    Keep holding onto Jesus

    # December 8, 2012

  2. misscountrygal

    Wow…tough spot to be in! I know this probably isn’t too profound, but I would really just pray about it and let God deal with this guy and this other girl.

    It’s so hard to read guys sometimes, isn’t it?! It can be extremely frustrating for us girls! 😉 From what you’ve written, it definitely sounds like he’s (at the least) attracted to you. Is this what you and the others who have watched your interaction think?

    I think you should definitely point him towards your dad, esp. if he’s “asked you out.” Let your dad deal with it. Father knows best, after all! 🙂 I would ask both him and your mom for their advice.

    As for the girl…I’m sorry, that must have been pretty hurtful that she used you and now you aren’t as close. Again, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. If you and this guy are meant to be together, don’t you trust God enough to put you together? Isn’t that a nice thought? you don’t have to do anything if you just trust Him. He’ll work it all out. What an amazing thought. 🙂 If you’re meant to be together, you will be.

    “When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances. Wait patiently. Don’t waste your time searching and wishing. Grow and be ready . . . you’ll see God will give you a love story FAR BETTER than you could dream of.”
    ~Pinterest Find~ 😉

    Let us know what happens in the end! I’ll be praying for you! <3

    # December 13, 2012

  3. yagulyo

    I have soooo been in this situation before kinda and the one resource that helped me was a book called “Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?” By Carolyn McCulley. One thing she points out in the book that I think would be of good help to you is that a noble man makes his intentions known. Unless he has intentionally made his intentions known he should still be viewed as someone else’s huSband. She also gives great insight on how to guard your heart in times and situations like this. I really hope God gives you His wisdom and power during this season.

    # December 18, 2012

  4. liera

    Are you of a marrying age? If you are, I would be on guard with this fellow, he might be good and serious, but might not. Just focus on your life, good works, winning other to Christ, and God. If he is serious about you and serious about God, he won’t dilly dally around about what he wants. If you are not of marrying age, I would be his friend, and be the friend of the girl you do not like. I would not actively seek a boyfriend if I was not of marrying age. You may think about saving money in a job, gaining some practical skills like building, gardening, sewing, finance management skills, etc. If he is not the one, don’t settle. Be nice to the girl who was your friend, God wants you to love your enemies.

    # December 18, 2012

  5. laurac

    I say, don’t worry about it! Just wait, let the guy lead if anything is going to happen. If he is a good guy he is not going to be distracted by some girl trying to catch him. Be friendly with all the girls, don’t worry to much about what they think. 🙂 As you know, sometimes we can be pretty silly in what we think about other people. Make sure you are talking to your parents about everything and getting their counsel. Seek the Lord with all your heart and He will work out alllll the rest. 🙂
    Praying for you!

    # December 21, 2012

  6. beth

    You have my sympathy.
    I had the same basic thing happen with being picked on by a really nice guy. This happened on and off for most of my teen years. Thankfully I never got terribly interested in him, but by the way he was teasing me, I figured he had his eye on me. Turns out that he had his eye on another girl .He knew that I wasn’t interested in him so he figured we could just hang out without it being weird.
    Thankfully my emotions were never involved or else it could have broken my heart.
    My situation also had that third person though in a slightly different situation. – They are now heading towards a courtship. And I still can’t figure out why he would be interested in her as a wife!
    I would sit back and wait and see what happens.
    I know it is hard to go through that. Do you have a brother that could evaluate the situation? My brother can watch a guy like that for a little while and be able to accurately tell you if the guy is interested in you or just hanging out.

    # February 28, 2013